There are those times in life when the stars seem to align in your favor, when everything is flowing smoothly and all the pieces fit together nicely without really much effort at all. And then there are those other times, where every day feels like a struggle and you feel like you are barely holding it together and you’re pretty sure that if one more thing goes wrong you might fall apart completely.
It’s called a rough patch.
Whether it be in your career, your marriage, or your faith, it can hit you like a ton of bricks and make you feel like nothing will ever be okay ever again.
But it will. Trust me, it will. Eventually.
I don’t talk about it very often, especially not on this blog, but in my early twenties I went through long and terrible depression. It literally almost killed me. I attempted suicide multiple times, of which the worst one landed me in a coma on life support with less than a 10% chance of ever waking up.
During that nearly three year period of hospitals and anti-depressants and even electroshock therapy, I lost almost everything–friends, family, my then marriage, my faith–and found myself utterly and completely without hope. I had to drop out of college and file for bankruptcy. Things were about as bad as they could get.
But eventually, slowly, things started to get better. And then one day I was just fine.
In the ten plus years since, my life has certainly not been perfect. I’ve made plenty of mistakes and I’ve stumbled along the way. I’ve gone through plenty of rough patches and stressful times but I’ve never even come close to that level of dispair.
Over the years there are a few things I’ve come to realize:
But for the Grace of God, I am here.
It has taken a long time to be able to say that. I didn’t wake up from that coma with a sudden epiphany; instead, I was nothing short of angry that I hadn’t succeeded.
It didn’t hit me until years later that there is no way I should have survived, much less without any sort of permanent brain damage. It was nothing short of a miracle.
Every day–even a bad one–is a gift. God spared me for a reason that day, and while I may not have it all figured out yet, I know there is a higher purpose.
Things will get better.
Through the dark cloud of depression, I honestly couldn’t see how anything could ever be okay ever again. I wanted to die because I had no hope. I was completely blind to the possibility of an alternate reality.
The benefit of having knowingly hit rock bottom is that I now know with every certainty, with every fiber of my being, that no matter how bad things get, they will eventually get better. I think sometimes it probably makes me annoyingly upbeat.
It’s all a matter of perspective. When you are bogged down in the midst of a problem, it can be almost impossible to objectively see that a.) what you’re going through isn’t permanent and b.) there is a solution, even if you haven’t found it yet.
Every rough patch will end eventually. Cling to the knowledge that things will get better.
It’s never too late to change the course you’re on
Everyone makes mistakes or bad decisions. Some of them are really bad. But they don’t have to define you forever. If you don’t like the way things are going, make a change.
Eight months into my first year of law school I came to the stark realization that not only did I really despise law school, I had absolutely no desire to be a lawyer. I was miserable, but I didn’t know how to fix it.
And then Husband, (who was just my boyfriend at the time), said something that changed my life. He said, “You know you don’t have to go to law school if you don’t want to. If you don’t like it, quit.”
It was a revelation. Especially considering that it was coming from a guy who had quit his job, moved cross country, and bought a house in order to be closer to me for what he thought was going to be the next 3 years. Until that moment, the thought of giving up on something I had worked so hard for (not to mention already invested a lot of money into) wasn’t even in my realm of comprehension.
I quit law school the very next day and have never once regretted that decision.
And from that experience I learned an important truth: it is never too late to change the path you are on. Yes, you may be stuck paying off your student loans for years to come–every decision comes with it’s own set of consequences–but you do have the power to make things different.
Here in the Soukup household, life has been a little stressful lately. I guess I wrote this post as a reminder to myself that even when the going gets rough, we will be okay. Eventually.
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shannon September 20, 2011 at 2:55 pm
Sending love your way, friend.
Ruth September 20, 2011 at 7:40 pm
Thanks Shan.
Stacey September 20, 2011 at 2:59 pm
That was beautiful and touching, thank you for sharing. Blessings to you!
Ruth September 20, 2011 at 7:41 pm
Thank you Stacey.
Britt September 20, 2011 at 3:10 pm
Thanks for sharing. I second everything you said. There is “always help and happiness ahead” (from one of my favorite religious speakers) and you can’t give up.
Ruth September 20, 2011 at 7:42 pm
Couldn’t agree more.
Mir September 20, 2011 at 3:11 pm
I adore you. Your willingness to be this open with your readers probably saved someone who is really struggling today, whether you know it or not.
Go on with your bad self, lady.
Ruth September 20, 2011 at 7:43 pm
LOL, aw shucks.
Patricia September 20, 2011 at 3:35 pm
Thanks for the post. It came at a time where things are rough, in many ways for many of us. I needed to know that I am not the only one that feels this way, and that hopefully soon things will change for the better.
Ruth September 20, 2011 at 7:44 pm
Patricia, I do sincerely hope things improve for you soon. Hugs!
Rae Lene September 20, 2011 at 3:46 pm
My sweet young lady, so many struggles in such a short time. I have not struggled with depression, but I have had to overcome some difficult times growing up. I am now 60 years old and I feel like I have finally come into my own and I am very comfortable with who I am. My husband is going to have open heart surgery this next week, and like you, I have put my faith in God because he has never let me down, cutting it close sometimes, but he has always been there for me, even as a child.
What a wonderful legacy you have given your two little daughters-you have shown them strength, determination, a willingness to ask for help, but most of all your love for God and what he has done for you and will continue to show you your purpose. I have only been on your blog for a month or so, but I must tell you that you are a great teacher, have a compassionate heart and a willingness to use your precious time to help others. May God bless you in your walk today.
Ruth September 20, 2011 at 7:45 pm
Thank you Rae Lene. You & your husband will be in my thoughts & prayers this week.
Bohemian Hijabi September 20, 2011 at 4:09 pm
My goodness, I have to be careful about reading your blog while I am at work. This post really brought tears to my eyes! When my twins were only a month old, my now ex husband decided he was overwhelmed with the responsibility of being a father and husband, and ended our relationship. Looking back, it was the best thing that ever could have happened to me. At the time, I didn’t know if I was going to survive.
Of course I don’t take comfort in knowing anyone else experienced despair, but it is comforting to see how you were able to overcome it all with faith and support. Thanks so much for sharing.
Ruth September 20, 2011 at 7:46 pm
Thank you for sharing as well. It is amazing how different things can look in hindsight, isn’t it?
Lyssa September 20, 2011 at 4:27 pm
Wow, this brought tears to my eyes. I have also suffered from depression in the past and I too have hit rock bottom because of it. I almost feel like you “Know” me.
Like yourself, it’s been over 10 years since that horrible sadness enveloped my life…And, it’s taken about that long to recuperate.
I will pray for you and I hope things get better. *Hugs*
Ruth September 20, 2011 at 7:54 pm
Lyssa-I’m so sorry to hear you’ve gone through similar struggles. I know how difficult it is to move beyond it and I’m glad to hear you are doing better. Thank you for your sweet comment and prayers. Both are much appreciated!
Kathy Mendez September 20, 2011 at 4:33 pm
Wow…thank you. I needed that reminder today. I’ve been crying for days and worried for months. Just when you think there should be a reward from the cosmic forces for surviving yet another pitfall, another one is laid in your path. Thank you again. I needed to be reminded that there is a “light at the end of the tunnel” a “rainbow at the end of the clouds”.
Ruth September 20, 2011 at 7:56 pm
Kathy, I am so sorry to hear things are rough for you right now. There is a definitely a light there, even if you can’t see it. I will keep you in my prayers!
karin jones September 20, 2011 at 5:16 pm
Oh Ruth…..Thanks so much for sharing your story. You gave me goose bumps and a few tears while reading it. Having been through some depression in my life as well you have reminded me of why we are here and that things will always improve. Thanks again.
Ruth September 20, 2011 at 7:57 pm
You’re welcome.
I’m so glad it spoke to you.
Carol September 20, 2011 at 5:34 pm
Thank you for that inspirational post. I am currently going through a “rough patch” at work, and that was just the does of medicine that I needed
Thank you for sharing your life with us 
Ruth September 20, 2011 at 7:58 pm
Carol-I am sorry to hear you are having problems at work–it definitely makes it harder to get up and go each day doesn’t it? I will keep you in my prayers.
Crystal L. (Crafting & Rambling) September 20, 2011 at 6:24 pm
Ohhh, Ruth. I have tears in my eyes right now and just want to give you the biggest, bestest hug EVER. You know what’s interesting and now maybe makes more sense to me? I often thought of you and prayed for you randomly during that time, but really had no idea why. I heard later that you went through a bit of a rough time, but that’s all. Just that. I didn’t know any details, I didn’t know HOW rough. I wish I could’ve been there for you…but now I know that Someone greater was, and I am SO grateful that He spared your life, as unhappy as you were at the time with that.
I thank Him with tears in my eyes even now. You have blessed so many people, and I believe that you are definitely living out the life He saved you for/called you to.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the little things that make our day “bad,” and I’m so thankful you wrote this post. It’s a good reminder to thank Him for every day.
Ruth September 20, 2011 at 8:00 pm
Crys, that is very interesting. Thank you for your prayers, they were most definitely heard.
Lili September 20, 2011 at 6:39 pm
Ruth, your transparency is wonderful and i truly appreciate your willingness to share. thank you friend
Ruth September 20, 2011 at 8:02 pm
Thanks Lili
Stephanie September 20, 2011 at 7:06 pm
I feel your purpose is just this…..touching peoples lives. You will never know how many days you have made me stop and evaluate my life and my outlook on it…..I look to you for coupon advice and have received so very much more. You are such a blessing to me. Thanks!
Ruth September 20, 2011 at 8:03 pm
Thank you for sharing that with me Stephanie. It really means a lot.
Penny Hanuszak September 20, 2011 at 7:41 pm
Thanks for the reminder that life is full of changes and “rough patches” that can be mended. My husband and I are going through some issues right now with health and our faith will keep us strong and no matter what the outcome we won’t lose sight of what’s important to us. Our bond is strong. I appreciate your sharing your trials and low spots and your insights. Good luck to you and your family and I hope your current rough patch resolves. Take care and thinking of you!
Ruth September 20, 2011 at 8:04 pm
Penny, I am sorry to hear things are not going well for you right now, and I too hope things get better for you soon. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.
Barb September 20, 2011 at 10:20 pm
How wise you have become. While none of us want rough patches, it certainly makes the smooth patches much appreciated. I am always grateful to my God of second chances, even when we don’t deserve them!
Julie September 21, 2011 at 1:19 am
Just wanted to echo what someone else said earlier: I came across your blog a few months ago and started reading it for guidance in the couponing world. I have received so much more than that. Your blog posts challenge me constantly. Some days it’s just to take more pictures or bake something from scratch. Other days, like today, it’s to really look at and appreciate my life. Thank you again for being so transparent and honest with us. You have no idea how many people you have blessed by posting this. Thank you!
melissa call September 21, 2011 at 2:37 am
Thank you.
Melissa N September 21, 2011 at 3:42 am
Ruth, thank you for sharing. What a blessing you are!
Cathleen September 21, 2011 at 4:08 am
Thank you so much for your perspective. The past 2 weeks have been rough for me as well. Today was definately a day I needed to read your blog. I only found you a week ago and already feel like I can call you a friend!
I’m so glad God spared your life. You are a blessing to many
Rachel September 21, 2011 at 12:34 pm
Hello Ruth — I discovered your blog a few weeks ago and now read you almost every day. I enjoy your weekly grocery updates. This personal message is unexpected and beautiful. Your experiences and feelings definitely resonate with my journey. I’m struggling manifesting my career goals and with that financial goals, but I do know it is only temporary, however long that is
Thank you for sharing your personal story. I’m glad you grew and now have this blog to share with others! I hope to start mine very soon!!
Slowly losing hope September 21, 2011 at 1:50 pm
Ruth, I would like to thank you for your post!! I have been struggling for the past few months, and am on the verge of losing my apartment and the stability i have created for my daughter. I continuously seek work and am just confronted with scams or no responses, so as you can imagine my faith is slipping each day. I try to maintain a bit of positivity as a front for my daughter so she doesn’t worry while in school, but nonetheless I am writing this to advise you that your post has offered me a bit of renewed optimism that all will be ok. I am appreciative and pray that your family may beat all stressors thrown your way! Thanks.
Kristi September 21, 2011 at 1:59 pm
Oh Ruth! You are wonderful and a blessing. Thank you for sharing yourself and your life. I’ve suffered from depression in the past – the worst after the birth of my beautiful girl. I’ve learned that I need to take stock in what I do have, cherish the small things, and accept that nothing and no one is perfect. Each day is a gift… Thank you!
Claire September 22, 2011 at 12:43 am
Oh, now see?? Just another fantastic post, Ruth. I look at your site almost daily as you know, and it’s always inspiring. I missed it yesterday somehow. So glad I saw it today.
Big hugs – thanks so much for always sharing what’s on your heart.
Naly September 25, 2011 at 10:34 pm
You are such a stress reliever and motivator! I’ve come to your page everytime when I feel I need some guidance and as if “things happen for a reason” the answer and direction I need is readily there.
Thank you so much. Continue doing what you are doing… you are right the man above has bigger plans for you.
Ruth September 26, 2011 at 10:32 pm
Thanks Naly, that really means a lot.
Carola September 28, 2011 at 1:33 am
If you never write another blogpost again…God has used you in this very post, and thank you for being His vessel….but, please don’t stop writing…love your site!!!
Melissa September 28, 2011 at 11:13 pm
Ruth,
Thank you so much for writing this post. I’m afraid I just got to reading it today, but it totally hit home with me as I have been experiencing another of my “stressful” times in life over the last months. I have suffered from anxiety/panic attacks and depressiong multiple times throughout my life and this is one fo them. It has hit me like a ton of bricks recently, but I keep telling myself to “take it one day at a time.”
I guess I just wanted to say “thank you” for sharing your story so that the rest of us don’t feel quite so alone.
By the way, I just got my Qubie in the mail today and am excited to get going on my new road to couponing.
Keep up the awesome work!