I feel so utterly inept as a mother sometimes.
I always swore I would raise my kids to be good eaters, to be willing to try new things and not be picky. I wouldn’t be *that* mom, the one who consistently gives in to an unimaginative kid-centered diet of chicken nuggets, tacos, mac & cheese, spaghetti, & pizza.
I am totally that mom.
Inspired by our weekly box of vegetables from Worden Farm, I am on a mission this year to improve our diet and serve healthier foods, to cook real meals and increase our vegetable and whole grain consumption while cutting out the convenience foods that pervade our diet far, far too often just because we are busy and it is so much easier.
My darling children have not embraced this mission; on the contrary, they are fighting me every step of the way and it is HARD! At 2 and 5, they like convenience foods and certainly don’t appreciate the time and energy that goes into cooking a healthy meal from scratch, nor do they care.
Instead–no matter how much I try to involve them in the cooking process or how appealing I try to make it look–they see green on their plate and freak out. I’m not exaggerating when I say wailing and gnashing of teeth is involved.
Rather than the happy peaceful dinner I envision for our family, I get one child sobbing, the other screaming, one on the naughty stool and one buckled into her booster for what seems like hours until she finally takes a bite. It is stressful and depressing and sometimes I wonder if it wouldn’t just be better to make something different for them, something I know they would eat.
There are so many times where it is easier to be a mediocre parent then a good one. Every day I face choices as a mom that represent an opportunity to be intentional with my parenting, or to just get through the day. I wish I could tell you that I always make the right choice, but the sad truth is that I fail my kids all the time.
I know I have to pick my battles and let some things slide, but I also know I’m not doing my job correctly if I consistently choose the path of least resistance.
I haven’t won this great vegetable battle yet, but I am determined not to lose the war.
Am I alone in this? What battles do you fight with your kids?
P.S. The roasted veggie quesadillas were super easy to make. Just roast an assortment of vegetables (for instructions on roasting vegetables check out this recipe or this recipe or this recipe), then let cool for a few minutes & chop into small pieces. Heat butter in a saucepan over medium heat, then place one flour tortilla on pan, sprinkle with vegetables, then sprinkle with shredded cheese and top with 2nd tortilla. Cook until browned on one side and cheese is melted, then flip and brown on the other side.
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Carol January 9, 2012 at 12:18 pm
You are not alone! I have a two year old, and within a second of me putting his plate on the table, he pushes it away with a “NO!”
I always give him what we’re having for dinner, first, to see if he’ll eat it. But I find myself battling my inner demons on whether or not to take the “you eat what we eat, or you go to bed hungry” approach, but then I also fight the fact that “he can’t go to bed hungry!”
It’ll be a battle that every parent will be facing for eternity.
I know myself personally, I need to try to think of more creative meals that are “hiding” the veggies, but it’s very very hard.
Ruth January 9, 2012 at 5:43 pm
I’d love to hear some ideas for hiding the veggies!
April January 14, 2012 at 9:25 pm
Why can’t he go to bed hungry?
Debbie January 9, 2012 at 12:23 pm
Oh my gosh this so true! I have 3 boys and 2 of them fight me on things such as tomatoes. They both despise tomatoes for unknown reasons to me.. they won’t eat salad. My 3 yr old I’m lucky if he even eats period! Last night I made chili, this time with no beans to make my 6 year old happy. But no.. the 3 yr old insisted it was too Spicy.. I said No it is not. he turned his back and refused to speak to us. It amazes that kids will eat one thing one time and be fine but the next forget it! It is becoming a constant battle with him just to get like 5 bites out of him! And my boys all love meat, I mean they are carnivores.. My 6 yr old refuses to eat bread for a sandwich, so when I make his lunch I send just turkey lunchmeat, that’s it. I often wonder if I’m not doing my job as a mom by only sending lunchmeat, I’ve tried various breads, even the goldfish bread, nope not having it. I figured atleast he’s eating something, he’s not even 40 lbs, so I’m happy if he just eats as tiny as he is! Luckily my 8 yr old is willing to try something once and continue to eat it if he’s happy, he loves fruits, veggies and a variety of foods.. he’s no where near as picky as his brothers are.
Good luck with the veggies. I can’t wait to get my garden going here in the spring (Chicago area), I’m already trying to determine what I can plant and how many. I don’t have alot of space, but I just got a new pressure canner for christmas, so I’m excited to start canning other things then just tomoatoes each year!
Love following your blog, hoping for a follow back!
Ruth January 9, 2012 at 5:44 pm
I would love to learn how to can stuff! Cute blog.
Carolyn G January 9, 2012 at 12:30 pm
Oh believe me, you won’t change those children’s habits over night. Of course you already know that. The more you fight them, the more they’ll resist. You have to ease them into it. If they’re used to chicken nuggets and mac and cheese, I suggest start by giving them that but include some greens. Kids love color, maybe you can make a colorful salad with some shredded cheese and a colorful fruit salad for dessert. They say it takes at least six bites (that is, over six separate meals) for a child to begin to acquire a taste for a new food item.
Hang in their, good luck to you.
In my case, I told them they have to take at least one bite of everything on their plate before they can leave the table. As they become accustom to the new and healthier foods, you can slowly decrease the bad stuff while increasing the good stuff. Also, you don’t want the unhealthy food to become the poison fruit neither. On Fridays, my kids are allowed to choose the dinner of their choice, which of is normally McDonalds or KFC (ugh!). Just close your eyes while they eat that stuff.
Ruth January 9, 2012 at 5:47 pm
Great advice! Thanks Carolyn!
Lisa G. January 9, 2012 at 12:47 pm
With all the drama my teens give me, I would gladly go back to the vegetable battles of old. My pickiest eater (who at 17 happens to be the oldest), was also the baby who was breastfed almost 2 years, and raised on organic vegetables and such till schoolage. When the convenience foods started creeping in. He was the kid who would drink oj but refuse to eat an orange. My next oldest (15 yr. old girl) used to eat her way through our vegetable garden, and still to this day will eat a pretty balanced diet of her own accord. My 12 year old will eat pretty much eat whatever we are having, though on days where it’s not something he likes he conveniently dines at the neighbors. Our 4 year old girl doesn’t like to eat period, unless it’s sugar so it’s an effort to get her to eat healthy, but it does get done. I think alot of it comes down to each kids personality. I was advised that as long as over the course of a week they are getting balanced food, we don’t have to stress about each meal or day.
Ruth January 9, 2012 at 5:47 pm
My sister has teenagers and she reminds me of the same thing
Thanks for putting into perspective–great advice!
Lori January 9, 2012 at 2:02 pm
I am soo THAT mom. However, I also refuse to cook two different dinners. We all eat the same thing. What I do at home with my 5 and 3 year old girls is have a “kids” meal one day and then a “regular” meal the next. For example, one night we’ll have pizza and the next we’ll have broiled tilapia. We have a one bite rule. If they do not like what we are having that night after taking one bite then they are free to leave the table, but there is no desert and no snacks. So, yes, I do send them to bed “hungry” (although neither of them have ever tried asking for a snack before bed). Also on those nights I make sure that there is something on their plate that I know they will eat such as fruit or roll. (disclaimer: both of my kids are at healthy weights so we can let the skip a meal without worries of them being underdeveloped).
I remember having food battles with my parents and how frustrating it was that I had to eat an entire serving of something I know I hated. To this day I still don’t like stuffed peppers and spaghetti squash, however I eat everthing else from brocolli to sushi.
Carol January 9, 2012 at 2:51 pm
I love your disclaimer! haha
Thanks for the ideas!
I like your idea of a kids meal one night and a regular meal another. Also, your one bite rule. Once my 2 year old gets old enough to understand what the heck I am saying, I am going to try that.
Ruth January 9, 2012 at 5:42 pm
I love the idea of alternating the kid-friendly fare with the healthy stuff! My husband reminds me that my parents forced me to eat meat (which I hated) and I’ve been a vegetarian since I left home at 17.
April January 14, 2012 at 9:29 pm
Completely agree! This is exactly what I do. Son goes to bed hungry occasionally, but I think it tends to be less about what food I put on his plate and more about his desire to push boundaries. Most nights, we do meat, vegetable and a small amount of starch, if any. Pretty basic, and I know he likes everything we make. We’ve always served vegetables. We started with the baby food – we didn’t buy baby food, we just blended down table food, so the food that he ate never tasted different than we actually made. To date, we rarely have food issues.
shannon January 9, 2012 at 2:47 pm
Don’t you dare say you fail your girls all the time!!!!! If you DIDN’T offer them home cooked, fresh vegetable quesadillas THEN you may occasionally fail them, but I know you, and you’re FAR from a failure, my friend! I think that some kids have more adventurous palettes than others, and it’s truely a matter of luck what kind of child you end up getting.
Ruth January 9, 2012 at 5:48 pm
That does put it into perspective.
Thanks Shan!
Carolyn G January 9, 2012 at 3:36 pm
Haha Lori; I too remember the battles with my parents. To this day you couldn’t get me near liver for all the money in the world. I don’t care if it is drowned in gravy or ketchup.
Kristine January 9, 2012 at 7:21 pm
I don’t have kids (my disclaimer!), but have you heard of the cookbooks that teach you how to “hide” healthy food in your recipes? I’m sure you can also offer the kids these healthy foods up front, but I suppose it doesn’t hurt to add them here and there in a recipe. One cookbook is by Jessica Seinfeld called, “Deceptively Delicious – Simple Secrets to Get Your Kids to Eat Good Food”, and the second cookbook is called, “The Sneaky Chef – Simple Strategies For Hiding Healthy Foods in Kids’ Favorite Meals”.
I suppose there are ways to make the meals kids love even healthier too, like baking chicken nuggets at home, and making homemade pizza, etc.
Good luck!!
Michelle January 10, 2012 at 6:26 am
One thing that I have learned over the years regarding kids (family) and cooking is that often we let our self worth be determined by the “success” or “failure” of our dishes. Who we are goes far deeper than if someone likes what we made for dinner. It is hard with little ones, I do remember (I have teens). Thankfully, times come and go in seasons.
By the way, those quesadillas look fabulous….
~she~ January 10, 2012 at 3:10 pm
Every day is a food fight with my kids. They eat very little. I’ve been at this for 12 years and it hasn’t seemed to get any easier. I’m still hoping for them to grow out of it! Maybe by the time they’re married…
April January 14, 2012 at 9:30 pm
Are they at healthy weights? If so, then maybe you’re fighting too hard. If not, maybe they should be tested for underactive thyroid or something.
Shaina January 10, 2012 at 6:16 pm
I don’t have any children, but I do work at a school with special needs kids. We fight the vegetable battle every day during lunch time. Usually for most of the students, having a token program works. For each bite they take of those yucky veggies or fruits, they get a token to put on a sheet, and after a certain number of tokens they get a preferred food (usually candy). It usually helps to inspire most to clean their plates
Claire January 11, 2012 at 12:24 am
UGH. Just the title made me cringe – I feel like such a failure at this too BUT… it’s getting better!! Fortunately, or unfortunately (haha) the teenager now eats everything in sight. He likes salad and Asian foods now, too – but won’t eat onions or tomatoes so that’s a bit tricky.
but he also picked the “taco pasta salad” and “pineapple grilled cheese sandwich” (yes, I am as shocked as you) so that gave us a few new lunch options.
The “almost eight” year old actually loves salad and I handed him the Kraft Food & Family insert and let him pick new things he wanted to try for lunches (since 190 days of PB&J gets old, I guess). He picked the English Muffin Pizzas (duh
“Mr. Littlest”, who will be five in 10 days, is a different story. Sometimes he eats really well and other times he won’t try anything new. One thing with him that IS encouraging is that he will take an apple or pear out of the bowl on the table and eat the whole thing. No slicing. Just eats it down to the core. Or a banana. The other two didn’t ever do that.
So… in short, all of our children are crazy. Wait, I mean different.
They are keeping us on our toes every day, that’s for sure. Hang in there!! Great post as always!
Claire
PS: We supported a local “food truck round up” tonight. The kids DEVOURED the Chicken and waffles, but I guess there’s no shock there. Waffles… fried chicken…. LOL
I had a broccoli and cheese empanada, and they all looked at me like I had three heads when I offered some to them. Baby steps. haha
Danielle D. January 11, 2012 at 12:43 am
Growing up I couldn’t stand most veggies. Now that I am a mom, I have figured out why. It was the way my parents cooked them growing up. It was always canned veggies, and the texture is different from a steamed veggie. My son is 7 years old, since he was old enough to eat I have always had a one piece rule. Like with brussels sprouts he would have to eat just one, after I started making them regularly he got used to them and now he will eat a whole bunch of them but the first couple of months I made them at least once a week and he would only eat the one. When I first started making broccoli it was smothered in cheese, now its plain with maybe some spray butter. If we don’t like something I will make it a bunch of other ways, like tilapia. When I first started cooking tilapia it stunk. We just didn’t really like it, so I googled recipes and saw that people put cajun seasoning on it, so I figured well lets try it. Its now my son’s favorite dish. His fav. veggie is spinach and that started after watching popeye lol. I think all kids are different with their tastes, but when a kid comes over that doesnt like veggies I tell them my rule and if they take a bite and don’t like it we will throw different things on it to see if its any better. I tell them it can’t hurt to try one because that one could be the one way they love it
Good luck
Faith January 11, 2012 at 11:28 am
My philosophy is “they will eat when they get hungry enough”. My mom never made us sit at the dinner table until our plate was empty, and never forced foods on us. We all will eat most anything as a result. Kids aren’t always hungry at the same time adults are, and are more inclined to try foods when they are not forced on them. My daughter, who is 6, will not eat anything until it is stone cold. As a result, I know to leave her plate for a while after we are through eating beacuse she will come back to it several times until she is finished. Both of my children are good eaters. Our son spent his first two years in my in-laws’ restaurant. At four weeks old, he was eating mashed up catfish and mashed potatoes (He weighed 10lbs at birth). Most parents would have died if their baby had any food that was not scheduled in a book. In my experience, the earlier you introduce foods to kids, the more they will like them. (With exception of peanuts and strawberries which I did wait until after they were a year old for allergy reasons). I am also a firm believer in not forcing your own tastes on kids. If you don’t like tomatos or broccoli, that doesn’t mean your child won’t like them. I hate pickles, but my kids love them. You have to make children understand the value in food, what it does for them mentally and physically, and that foods can be really good prepared many different ways. There is always going to be something that your child doesn’t like, but don’t let it defeat you.