There is no getting around it: Princess is a Daddy’s Girl.
It occurred to me this morning, as they skipped down the sidewalk together, that I have lost her completely. I think I probably knew it already. It was crystal clear a few days ago during this conversation:
“Mommy, I’m making a picture for Daddy and you can’t see it.” “Why can’t I see it?” ”Because it is a secret, and it is only for Daddy.” “Why is it only for Daddy?” “Because I love Daddy!” “Well don’t you love Mommy too?” “Yes, but I love Daddy more.”
Ah, nothing like brutal honesty from a five-year-old to keep you humble.
When she was little, she used to love me and me alone. With just one perfectly well-behaved child to manage, it was easy to do fun things together every day, and we did. We’d go shopping, out for lunch, take road trips, go on play-dates. We even went on vacation together, just me and her, while Husband worked crazy 70 hour work-weeks at Boeing. We were 2 peas in a pod.
Husband used to complain that she didn’t love him, and I’d just laugh and say, “Oh, just wait. When she is a teenager she will love you and hate me.” Little did I know.
I’m not exactly sure when I got replaced, but I did. These days it is all Daddy, all the time. He is the only one who can brush her hair, help her brush her teeth, help her with her homework, or drive her to school. When she wakes up in the middle of the night from a bad dream, he is the one she calls to. He is the the recipient of every card, letter, & picture, the comforter when she gets hurt, and the first one she runs to when she wakes up in the morning.
It’s not that I’m jealous, per se. I’m a little sad that those special moments we used to have, when it was just me and her, might be gone, but I try not to be upset that my little girl loves her Daddy.
You see Husband is not only good man and a wonderful husband, but an amazing father. I respect him more than he could ever know. He is our provider, our protector, our moral compass, and our strength. And when I watch them together, their amazingly sweet & tender moments, I know my girls couldn’t ask for a better Daddy.
Even so, sometimes I have to remind myself of all the statistics. Because of their relationship, my daughter is:
- 40% LESS likely to repeat a grade in school
- 70% LESS likely to drop out of school
- Far MORE likely to get A’s in school
- 68% LESS likely to use drugs, drink, or smoke when they are in school
- Far LESS likely to suffer from anorexia, bulimia, depression, or attempt suicide
- Far MORE likely to have higher self-esteem
- Far LESS likely to get pregnant or engage in pre-marital sex
(Source)
I see those numbers and I am reassured. Most of the time. He is giving her is a precious gift, one that is impossible to measure. It is a bittersweet blessing, but a blessing nonetheless, and I am grateful beyond words.
But sometimes I just miss my little girl.
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Melanie January 30, 2012 at 12:37 pm
I can totally relate. My daughter will be 14 this year and is so anti-mom. It’s heartbreaking . Her father and her are like minis of each other and enjoy inside jokes and laughs. While I’m left with eye rolls, annoyed sighs and looks of death every time I speak in her direction . But like you I am happy that they connect like they do and know how important their relationship is. Doesn’t mean I’m not sad about it. Someday……..
Ruth February 2, 2012 at 7:40 am
Yes, someday!
Alisha January 30, 2012 at 12:44 pm
This will probably be me soon(er than I’d like!)….but like you, I’ll remember to hold onto the fact that my little girl has such an amazing father and that I am truly blessed to have the husband I do!
Ruth February 2, 2012 at 7:40 am
That’s really what we have to focus on isn’t it?
Carol January 30, 2012 at 12:49 pm
You gave me goosebumps, awesome blog!!
Ruth February 2, 2012 at 7:39 am
Thank you Carol!
carrie January 30, 2012 at 1:18 pm
This bought tears to my eyes. I have a little girl (3 and half) and little boy 20 months. Right now, she is mommies little girl, and he is daddies little boy. I’m sure it will change, and reading the stats reassures me that when she becomes daddies girl, I’ll be ok with it. Bittersweet…
Ruth February 2, 2012 at 7:39 am
Very very bittersweet.
Heather January 30, 2012 at 1:50 pm
I only have one little girl and she is so mine. She loves me more and I am always the one she calls for–I secretly love it. The hugs and kisses and the absolute need for me. I feel that it is my reward for doing all the hard work as my husband travels so much. But I know one day, the sun will rise and set on him and I am secretly fearful for the day I will be cast aside.
Ruth February 2, 2012 at 7:38 am
Just remember, you’ll never be cast aside completely!
Taylor January 30, 2012 at 1:59 pm
I am 26 years old, and I am still a daddy’s girl. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother, and we are close, but my dad holds a special place in my heart. My parents told me that I went through a stage of calling my father by his first name, “Jeff.” When my dad asked me why I called him by his first name, I replied, “Because you’re my friend.” =) I am the oldest child (like Princess), so perhaps firstborn daughters tend to “daddies’ girls.”
All of those statistics you listed are completely true about me – I never failed a grade; I was valedictorian of my class; I never smoked, drank, or did drugs; I didn’t struggle with my weight; and I saved myself for marriage. Yes, a lot of that has to do with my strong Christian upbringing, but I also attribute a large portion of that to my incredible relationship with my father and his involvement in my life.
What a beautiful post. You made me want to call my mother and let her know that I love her too. =)
Ruth February 2, 2012 at 7:37 am
Aw, that is sweet. Thanks Taylor!
Crystal L. (Crafting & Rambling) January 30, 2012 at 2:07 pm
What a sweet post. I can relate…both my girls ADORE their daddy – and with good reason!
However, my youngest is definitely “daddy’s girl” and as in your case, admits she loves daddy more than me. I totally understand your feelings of being sad on one hand, but also am happy that they (both girls) have a great relationship with their daddy…I try not to let it get to me, but you’re right…every once in awhile, it creeps in. Isn’t it great to have such a great husband, and daddy to our girls? We have to focus on that! 
Ruth February 2, 2012 at 7:36 am
Yes we do, and you are absolutely right. It is wonderful, and we are BLESSED!
Joanne January 30, 2012 at 2:12 pm
Aww… I can totally relate to that. I have three daughters (10-11 years old) and I have definitely been relegated to 2nd parent-status. Not that they don’t love me… they do. They’re great kids… and as they’ve sliding into teenagerhood, they’re wanting to spend time shopping and all that other girlie stuff. But they adore Daddy. He can do wrong. Sometimes that irks at me just a teensy bit on the inside… but at the same time, I know this is the way it should be. I never had a very good relationship with my own dad, so it makes me happy to see my girls adore my husband so much.
Ruth February 2, 2012 at 7:36 am
It is very bittersweet, isn’t it?
Kristine January 30, 2012 at 6:31 pm
Your blog broght a smile to my face from seeing such a sweet bond between a father and his daughter. I’m grown (40) and I watched my dad slowly die from cancer just a few years ago. We also had such a special bond and I miss him every day. A great father and friend like that is irreplaceable for sure. I feel bad for all of the moms out there that this happens to. What a hard thing to go through. Even though you seem to become #2, I bet there are just as many great statistics that show the value of a mother’s love on her daughter’s life. Keep doing special things with your daughters and hopefully that will help your relationships later when they’re in the teenage years :0)
(And I love your photos!)
Ruth February 2, 2012 at 7:35 am
Kristine, thank you for sharing. I’m so very sorry for your loss.
Anastasia January 30, 2012 at 7:46 pm
Don’t worry Ruth. As a Daddy’s Girl I can tell you that while I may be more like my dad, and relate to him more, whenever something happens that I need advice with or simply don’t know how to handle totally, the first person that pops into my head is my mother. I don’t have children yet,but when I do I know that she is who I will turn to and I will feel better just knowing that she is available when disaster inevitably strikes. Just you wait. Daddy’s girls may grow up favoring their Dad’s but they know without question that they NEED their moms. God bless.
Ruth February 2, 2012 at 7:34 am
Thanks Anastasia!
Jackie Hollander January 30, 2012 at 11:58 pm
Beautiful. You might like to read…”she calls me daddy”, and when they get older, “she still calls me daddy”.
Love you all,