I’ve been feeling a little down on myself lately. I’d like to think I’m a pretty positive person in general, but every once in a while I will be overcome by feelings of inadequacy. I start comparing myself to others and nitpicking all of my own flaws and suddenly the list of all the things I should be doing but am not seems insurmountable, and all I really want to do is abandon my responsibilities, crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head, and have a good long cry. All by myself.
I love writing this blog but at times like this I have a hard time coming up with the right words to say. True or not, I feel like y’all expect me to be continually positive and upbeat, a source of “inspiration,” funny and light-hearted and witty. And much of the time I am. But the last thing I want to be is inauthentic and sometimes I am none of those things. Sometimes I am just a girl struggling to make it through the day.
A few weeks ago I was chatting with a dear friend and I observed how another friend of ours just seemed to have it all. Perfect job, perfect kids, always on top of things, always totally put together, while I’m the mom that can’t sadly even manage to shower most days, whose kids run around naked half the time and do crazy things like fall off the couch (or the bed) or walk headfirst into the counter or color all over themselves with marker for the gazillionth time. I’m the mom who neglects to return phone calls and emails, who misses show-and-tell day and snack day and whatever-else-I was-supposed-to-read-on-those-5,000-handouts-day, whose dog runs away because I forget I let her out, and who misses important events because I can’t always keep it all straight.
My sweet friend, who is far wiser than me, responded with something so profound it has been stuck in my head ever since. She said, “Don’t you know that everyone gets the same 24 hours?” She went on to explain that while from the outside looking in, all might seem perfect, no one can do everything all the time without letting something slide. Just because we don’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not true. And it doesn’t make her any less of a wonderful person (because she is), it just makes her human.
I have been thinking about that statement a lot, and as I sit here struggling with my own insecurity, I realize that it may seem ironic to those of you looking in on me. Occasionally I’ll get an email or a comment telling me that I am an inspiration, or wondering how I manage to accomplish “so much.” It always makes me uncomfortable. Oh if you only knew all the ways in which I fail every single day!
I have the luxury of an edit button. I can show you a small sliver of my life, something I’ve done well, and quietly filter out the rest. It doesn’t mean what I’m showing you isn’t real, but it’s not always the whole picture, and I would hate to think I’ve made anyone feel inadequate by letting you see only the very best of me.
One of my favorite quotes is by Plato:
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
The truth is that most of the time we probably have no idea what our friends and acquaintances are struggling with behind closed doors. Ultimately we all edit the version of ourselves we present to the world to varying degrees, not out of a desire to be fake or someone we are not, but I think, perhaps, because we truly want to see ourselves as the person we present to others.
Perhaps we should make an agreement to stop comparing ourselves to each other when ultimately there is only One who we should strive to emulate. All we can do is all we can do, and at the end of the day, it is only grace that carries us through. Why waste any portion of those precious hours in self-doubt?
Everyone gets the same 24 hours. Today I just needed to remind myself.
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L February 8, 2012 at 12:49 pm
I just wanted to share with you that when I check your websites I am always impressed with how you are always striving to do better in your life. You not only strive to do better but you have a plan to do better and you work towards it everyday. I many times look at your blog and I think wow, she has everything together and she is so on top it, just how you look at your friend. I think I am such a slacker mom. I bet your friend has days where she thinks the same about herself. I think we are each our own worst critic. While each of us sees the things we are failing out, others in our lives marvel at our accomplishments. Give yourself a break. All of us following you think you are doing great job, that is why we take the time to check your blog. You really are an inspiration!
Ruth February 9, 2012 at 4:13 pm
You hit the nail on the head–we are indeed our own worst critics! Thanks for the encouragement.
Debbie February 8, 2012 at 1:49 pm
Ruth, What I love about your blogs is that you are only HUMAN. We all have faults, we wouldn’t be human if we didn’t. I like that I feel I am not the only person in the world with problems. Believe me, I’ve missed snack days, etc. Heck my Lab has even gone thru a dining room window twice, opened our backgate and went tromping. Been picked up by animal control and the two of them by the Sheriff. Believe me, it is human nature. I may not always ‘agree’, so to speak with everything you write, but you try to be fair and honest and that matters. Sometimes you give me inspriation and great ideas. Other times I just feel like wow, I’m not the only person like this. And I think part of it is we want to be perceived differently to others. When in reality they are doing the same thing. I know someone who trys to be someone she’s not and doesn’t even realize it. I believe in staying firm to who you are. I’m not rich, far from it.. and I surely don’t live the rich lifestyle, but my friend.. She tries to regardless of how much debt she’s in. I work fulltime, just finished my MBA online, have 3 kids, mortgage, car payments and I live week to week paychecks. I love your friends theory and we are all human. I am thankful for my life, as I know many others may be experiencing worse things then me. (tho losing my dad was the worst I think I ever experienced). All I can do is figure this was the path for me. So, even though you forget things, etc. Just remember everyone else probably have something they’ve forgotten as well.. Believe me my house right now looks like a tornado went through it and I’ve got 2 kids sick with the flu! Keep up the great work we love relating to you!
Debbie February 8, 2012 at 3:44 pm
OK so I’m also going to add.. That you do inspire atleast me.. I have learned so much more aobut couponing then I ever thought I knew! And it’s thanks to you and your knowledge. Plus you make me put my creative thinking cap on and I think oh that’s something to try. So to each of us one way or another you inspire us someway somehow. I absolutely LOVE your videos and appreciate all you do. So a great big thankyou and hugs to you!
Ruth February 9, 2012 at 4:14 pm
Thank you Debbie.
~she~ February 8, 2012 at 1:53 pm
Well said!
Kristi February 8, 2012 at 1:53 pm
Ruth, Ruth, Ruth – I don’t think you get it – you inspire me cause you are a real mom and a real person who actually has the guts to put your life out there and not sugar coat it! I love the fact that you post shopping videos where your kids are on the verge of melt down. I love that Princess and Trouble don’t like eating their veggies and draw on themselves with marker! Why you wonder? Cause we’ve all been there! You admit that you have bad days; you admit that things don’t always turn out how you plan, yet you admit it, deal with it, and move on. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to put one foot in front of the other – you take each of those steps with us watching and cheering and thinking “If Ruth can do it, maybe I can too!” You’re allowed to have a bad day. You’re even allowed to complain about it on your blog as well! And when you do have that bad day and tell your readers about it, we are shaking our heads feeling your pain cause we get it, we understand. I don’t want to read someone who is always cheery and upbeat – I want to follow a blog about someone who is real. We all have the same 24 hours, and I choose to spend a little bit of that time reading your blog – cause, like it or not, you do inspire me!
Debbie February 8, 2012 at 3:42 pm
Ditto Kristy! You are so right. It is so nice to know people are a REAL mom out there. Our kids ar enot perfect, nor do we look perfect and frankly who cares? (well I do when I go to work, but that’s beside the point!)
Ruth February 9, 2012 at 4:15 pm
LOL thanks Kristi…it means a lot.
Jaime February 8, 2012 at 2:40 pm
Well said. Some times I think us moms put more pressure on ourselves than necessary about all the things we think we should be doing. I struggle with this too. I had a friend tell me the other day “it doesn’t have to be perfect all the time.” I needed to hear that reminder and it has stuck with me. Thank you for another sweet reminder that we are all doing just fine as long as we are doing the best we can! (And can you remind me of this again next week, when I’m sure life will take over and I will, inevitably, forget?)
Hugs to you!
Heather February 8, 2012 at 2:40 pm
Great post! I have been feeling down as well but as we get closer to the weekend, all starts to look a bit more rosey.
Marcela February 8, 2012 at 3:34 pm
Your posts are great RUTH! Smile, you are the best! I am sure that tomorrow you will have the power to find the way to make all things more simple, better and in a short time. We are happy to see and read your wonderful blog. Thank you for it! So, be strong and be happy too! :0)
Ruth February 9, 2012 at 4:16 pm
Thank you Marcela
Jennifer February 8, 2012 at 4:08 pm
Oh I love this posting because I can completely identify. Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing this innermost part of you.
Hugs to you… and wishing you a wonderful Wednesday!
carrie February 8, 2012 at 9:17 pm
Well said! Thank you for sharing and being real. Love your posts.
melissa call February 8, 2012 at 10:03 pm
You are living a meaningful life. I am so thankful for the day I stumbled upon your blog… originally looking for coupon deals and now finding that your blogs are good for my soul! Thank you Ruth…. and thank you to your family for encouraging you to continue to inspire, educate, and put smiles on your many, many followers!!
Nicole February 8, 2012 at 11:19 pm
just found this site yesterday and like you already. This world is all about real people and the sooner the rest of the world realizes that the more peaceful we will all be.
Excellent comments, and for the record, pretty sure we could all use a day to pull up the covers and have a good cry every once in a while.
Kristine February 9, 2012 at 12:12 am
Great post. I agree with you and can relate, even though I don’t have kids I struggle with similar insecurities. There is no time that I feel worse about myself then when I compare myself to others. Logically we know we are all individuals with our own individual struggles, but it’s hard to stop comparing. (And we usually compare ourselves to those we perceive as “better” than us). I do this all the time but eventually try my best to bring the focus back on my life and what I can do to better myself. Although I do have those “hide under the covers” days!
You are very open in your blog and I don’t think you make people feel inadequate. You’re like our Martha Stewart, only REAL! I watched a bio about her the other day and boy, did she have problems that she worked way too hard to cover up. I probably know more about you than some of my family! That’s what makes you so real and readable. Coupons, lifestyle, crafts, food, decorating, spirituality, giving to others….your blog is the best! And when I read about all of the things you do or think about, I never feel bad about myself in comparison. I feel motivated to strive for similar successes.
Josie February 9, 2012 at 12:33 pm
Great post! I am a mom to, have a full time job, 3 dogs, a no help hubby + couponner. So we all struggle to make things happen and we all have good and bad days. Nobodyis perfect, we have our faults and qualities… Still i fell you inspire me with what you do especially because you are human like us… You do a great job on your blogs i check them daily!
Jenna February 10, 2012 at 10:31 am
Ruth, the reason that I enjoy reading your blog is that you are authentic. You let us know when things have failed and are open about your past struggles, which makes you seem like “one of us”. I’m sure your friend that seems to have it all together has the same moments the rest of us do, but you just aren’t able to see them. Our pastor recently preached a sermon on King David. He talked about how King David wasn’t the “almost perfect” Christian, but he was special in God’s eyes because no matter how much he failed he picked himself back up and turned back to God. Just remember it’s not about being perfect all the time but about the ability to start fresh again tomorrow and to continually work at striving towards your goals. If you want a reminder that you aren’t the only one with an imperfect life, feel free to check out my recent attempt at blogging. You will see that in just the past few weeks, I have struggled with a lot of things, yet my friends frequently tell me I’m the one who “has it all together”. I am quick to remind them that I am only human too, and things aren’t always what they seem on the outside. Keep up the good work, Ruth! You inspire many of us!
Crystal L. (Crafting & Rambling) February 17, 2012 at 12:35 pm
Oh, Ruth. Are we twins??
j/k. I can totally relate to everything you said. I struggle with all of that (and more? lol). It’s SO easy to feel down on myself, especially when comparing myself to others…to those to seem to have it all together. I have a wall hanging that says, “Our family might not have it all together but together we have it all.” Love it. I do admire all that you accomplish, but do you know what I admire even more? Your transparency. You are REAL, sharing things such as this…AND you point to where we can get our TRUE meaning, purpose, and fulfillment. <3 you. 
Anonymous May 13, 2013 at 9:16 am
I am recently married to a wonderful man, it is for both a second marriage, our second chance for love. I am very thankful. I must say at times I am terrified to “mess it up” hard to explaing since the first time I marry it was to a cheater and I gave no reason, the man just wanted to have all the women he could.
Anyway, this time it feels different, it is good. However, on and off like this morning I am feeling inadequate. I was in pinterest which is my outlet of the weights of the day. Found your blow. As I am reading, you have helped me so much. I am constantl battleling with the feeling of not being enough for anything, needless to say I feel exhausted all the time. There is no way I can keep up for the expecations of perfection :/. Teading your blog I felt understood, I breath and realized all will be ok and I can do this, thank you.
Heather @ fearfultofearlessblog.com May 18, 2013 at 10:18 am
How very true. I was just saying the other day that one of my biggest struggles is my compulsive need to be all, to all. Then I end up feeling like a failure because NOBODY can do that! Everyone must prioritize and choose some things to cut from the list.