How to Fake It ‘Til You Make It

Fake It Til You Make It | Unleash Your Confidence ⎢ 3 Tips to Beat Insecurity Every Time ⎢ Power Pose ⎢ Depression ⎢ Introvert ⎢ Boost Your Confidence


Do you ever struggle with feeling confident?

Not too long ago, a friend and I got into a discussion about that very topic, and it is something I’ve been pondering ever since.

She shared that she had never really felt strong and self-assured, because growing up, she had never known that confidence was something that you should be striving for. In the world she grew up in, you were only either humble or conceited. In her world, there was no such thing as being confident. And so now, as an adult, she finds herself second-guessing every move.

But it’s not just my friend who struggles with feeling good about herself.

Honestly, I think confidence—and its counterpart, insecurity—is something that we all struggle with at some point or another. For many of us, it is a daily struggle. It’s all too easy to doubt ourselves or our worth, or to focus on the parts of ourselves we wish we could change, rather than feeling great about the areas where we are excelling.

Instead of throwing our shoulders back and holding our head high, we hunch down and shrink in, wishing we could disappear. Or, because we feel bad about ourselves, we become overly critical of the people around us.

Believe me, I get it.

It’s a struggle I face too, more often than I’d like to admit, especially in a job that requires me to present myself as a whole lot more confident than I actually am, whether it be connecting with people online, shooting video, media interviews, or speaking on stage.

But the one thing that helps me keep going, even when I’m feeling totally insecure and uncomfortable in my own skin, is a lesson I learned many years ago, while I was struggling with depression, a lesson drilled into me by my therapist.

You know what it was? Fake it ‘til you make it.

And while that might sound a little trite, it is in fact perhaps one of the most powerful lessons any of us can learn, because the truth is that how we act will determine how we feel.

If we wait until we feel good and confident and strong to start acting that way, we will be waiting a very long time. But acting confident, even when we are not, can actually help us feel that way.

So what are some ways we can “fake it,” in order to feel more confident right now? Here are a few of my own little tricks—they might just work for you too!



Last year I read the book Presence by Amy Cuddy, which explains in great detail how our body language affects our personalities and our confidence. (Watch the Ted Talk HERE.) Her research shows that the chemicals in our body—our levels of testosterone and cortisol—actually change based on how we sit or stand. It’s pretty fascinating (albeit controversial!)

But the really cool part about this is that she found that we can actually have far more control over how we feel, simply by changing the way we stand. Thus, if you want to feel more confident, spend a few minutes in a “power pose”—hands on your hips or spread wide above your head, with your legs apart as well. And whether it really is a change in our body chemistry or merely psychological, it’s pretty amazing how well this works!



Just like the way we stand can affect our confidence, the way we dress and present ourselves to the world can too. Think about it—don’t you always feel the most beautiful and confident when you are wearing your favorite, most flattering outfit, and you’ve taken the time to put on makeup and do your hair? Or maybe that’s just me!

If you work from home or in the home, it is especially hard sometimes to get up the motivation to get dressed and look our best. (After all, yoga pants are just soooooooo comfortable!) But the reality is that looking and feeling sloppy is a confidence killer. If you want to feel good, take the time to look good.


It’s hard not to feel awkward in social situations, especially when you are struggling with confidence, or if you tend to be a natural introvert. I can honestly tell you that nothing gives me more anxiety than having to make small talk with a room full of strangers! And yet, in my job, I find myself in that very situation a LOT!

So what’s a girl to do?

Well my solution is pretty simple—I just ask questions. And when I am focused on asking about other people, getting to know them and find out more about what makes them tick, I forget to focus on how nervous and insecure I feel. It works every time!

Teddy Roosevelt once said, “believe you can and you’re halfway there.”

Along those same lines, Henry Ford pointed out that “whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right.”

In other words? Sometimes you just have to fake it ‘til you make it, and be willing to do it scared.

I guarantee that the most successful, most amazing, and most confident people you know still struggle with those same feelings of self-doubt and insecurity that you and I feel. Because everyone feels that way sometimes.

The only difference is that they have learned how to pretend when they need to, and that ability to act confident even when they don’t feel it is what carries them through.

And you can do that too.

My challenge for you, if you’ve been struggling with insecurity and a lack of confidence, is to fake it until you make it. First, spend 2-3 minutes every morning doing a power pose, and pay attention to how it makes you feel. Second, take the time to look your best. Wear your nicest outfits, put on makeup, and do your hair. Take note also of how that makes you feel. And finally, in whatever social situation you find yourself in, make a point of asking others about themselves. Turn your focus inside out.

Think of it as a little experiment, then be sure to let me know how it goes—I’d love to cheer you on!

Fake It Til You Make It | Unleash Your Confidence ⎢ 3 Tips to Beat Insecurity Every Time ⎢ Power Pose ⎢ Depression ⎢ Introvert ⎢ Boost Your Confidence


  1. February 19 at 09:23AM

    I love this, Ruth! Especially #2…Ask questions. That’s something I do all.the.time! My husband even tells me “You ask too many questions”. lol. I find that when you ask people questions about themselves…what they do…family stuff, etc., they’re more than happy to take the ball and run with it! Small talk turns into a learning experience. It’s amazing what you can find out from people with just a few simple questions.
    And you’re right about dressing your best, too! There’s a direct correlation to how we feel about ourselves and how we look, whether we like it or not. I’ve aways said that it’s just as as easy to put on something nice as it is to dress in sweats! Hair and makeup are done everyday, just like showering. It does wonders for confidence boosting!
    Great post!

    • February 19 at 09:37PM

      Kimberly, I can really relate to what you’re saying. My husband also tells me I ask too many questions. Nice to know I’m not alone.

      I too believe in the power of appearance and that looking good inevitably makes you feel good, or at least feel better. There’s nothing wrong with making an effort. Yet, so many neglect/overlook this simple, but powerful fact.

  2. Janna
    February 19 at 12:31PM

    Love this post Ruth!! As much as I need to hear it I also need to help instill these qualities in my girls at a young age. Especially the “ask others questions”. With technology, texting, emailing, etc they don’t always learn how to engage in conversation. Love it!

    • Ruth Soukup
      February 19 at 09:43PM

      Yes, I’m remind my girls every day to make sure they are on the look out for others who might feel like they don’t belong or need a friend. And asking questions is a great way to help break the ice at any age! 🙂

    • February 19 at 09:45PM

      Great points Janna about technology. I have two little lads who used to always be engrossed in technology. You’d think their iPads were surgically attached to their palms.

      Recently, my hubby and I have been involving them in extra curricular activities that do not involve a screen of any kind. So, they have no choice but to engage and interact with actual humans. Works a treat!

  3. February 19 at 09:53PM

    Thanks for the brilliant post Ruth! It’s always great to be reminded that confidence is key. I’m a huge fan of the “power pose” and the dressing well to lift my mood. And since (according to my husband) I’m a natural asker of questions, I guess that without even realising it, I’ve already mastered the art of faking it till I make it.

    Love the post so much, I’m going to share it on my social media now!

  4. Teresa
    February 24 at 02:33PM

    Really great advice! I plan to try it out.

  5. Tracey
    March 10 at 06:46PM

    Great post! It’s important to focus on others and their needs and feelings.

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