Debt is a liar. These are 7 lies people in debt tell themselves. Here are the ways to combat those lies and finally find a place of financial freedom.
Got debt? Despite what the credit card companies would have you believe, debt does not have to be a way of life, and there’s a very good chance you are deluding yourself. If any of these seven lies sound familiar, it might be time to start rethinking the way you look at your finances and put you on your way to financial freedom.
When she was just a toddler, my oldest daughter shoplifted from a local craft store. I didn’t discover her offense until we arrived home and I was taking off her coat. Inside her teeny fur lined pocket was a small “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” button with the price tag still on it. Immediately, my brain fast-forwarded to weekend visitations, orange jumpsuits, and phone conversations taking place between a plexiglass wall. This was surely the beginning of the end. A life of crime, just launching, for my sweet pig-tailed verbose redheaded darling, oh the agony!
In a brilliant flash of first-time parenting, I packed her back into the car and together we rehearsed what she would tell the clerk when she returned the button. I reminded her over and over again that she could not take items that were not her own. I walked hand-in-hand to the counter and bravely she repeated:
“I’m sworry. I twook this and it was not mine. Will you please forgive me?”
The caring employee began to gush over my daughter, reassuring her that it was OK. Then the middle aged woman turned to me and asked a question I will never forget.
“She’s so adorable! Can I give her a sucker?”
NO. She stole from you. You want to reinforce that behavior? Listen lady, this little Jesse James wannabe will bleed you dry if you give her candy for robbing you blind. This time it’s novelty flair, next time it’s one of those $80 fancy figurines.
Maybe we both went a little overboard? But the sweet woman behind the counter and I bought into lies. I immediately assumed that a two-year-old could understand the weight of her transgression and that a small infraction would lead to a life of law breaking. After all, as a thirteen year old, she doesn’t even remember this experience. The much more graceful clerk dismissed the action and wanted to reward wrongdoing. Just like that, the lies we told ourselves led our extremes to different destinations, neither healthy.
During our journey of paying off over $127K – a story you can read in my book Slaying the Debt Dragon: How One Family Conquered Their Money Monster and Found An Inspired Happily Ever After – we encountered and battled many lies about debt. After dismantling each with simple truth, we were able to find a place of financial freedom.
This lie is often trotted out when we want to excuse a new purchase. Herd mentality is nothing new. I used this very defense more than once when I wanted my mom to buy something for me in high school. “But moooooommmm, everyone has one!” However, there are plenty of people who have no debt at all, not even a car payment or a mortgage. Debt does not have to be a constant reality from birth to death. Everyone does not have debt.
I’ll admit that this wasn’t my most noble lie during the process of paying off debt. However, I had a great fear of not being able to provide magical memories for our children, spend quality time with my husband, or invest in friendships because we did not have any extra cash. Of course, I discovered that all of the above does not require money. Relationships are built on intentionality, not entertainment. Along the way, I also learned that I truly value simple pleasures in life. Living to the fullest does not equate to dollars and cents. You can pay off debt and still have fun.
Friends, if you know how to log onto the Internet and read an article, that mistrust isn’t working for you anymore. You are more than smart enough to handle your debt situation. Will it take time and a willingness to pay attention to detail? Of course. Will you have to be dedicated to the process? Certainly. I often quip, “Paying off debt is not complicated. It’s just not easy.” While there are many methods to tackle your money monster, the basic principle is to spend less than you make, potentially take on more work, and put the difference toward your debt. Stop lying to yourself. You ARE good with money. The road to financial freedom often starts with honesty.
Closely related to the “We won’t have any fun” myth, this lie often paralyzes us from making the choices necessary to get out of debt. Can I be straight with you? Your children probably will suffer as a result of your financial mistakes. Sure, you might be able to swing a trip to Disney on a credit card now; however, your kids will end up paying for your care in your old age when you haven’t saved for retirement or taking out massive loans themselves for college.
But here’s the good news–your sons and daughters will not have to wear potato sacks to school and if you budget carefully, you can still pay for lessons or sports leagues. But you can’t say yes to every trip, expense, or extra. After you pay off debt, you’ll be able to spend more on your children. But maybe, just maybe, the process will help you learn what is most necessary and what you can do without. Yes, your children might have to suffer for your money mistakes, but choosing not to manage your resources well could further increase that suffering.
Building credit is only necessary if you plan on borrowing money again. If you have no need to borrow, you will have no need for credit. Even still, a reputable lender will work with you if you prove you are debt free, sharing your full financial picture. We have been out of debt for nearly three years, and our credit scores are great. On top of that, no one has asked us what those scores even are. Credit is not as important as you’ve been taught or the lenders would like you to think. Once you make this mindset shift, you will be on your way to financial freedom!
The last time our family had a credit card, LOST was the most popular show on TV. Since then, we’ve traveled, purchased items online, and made our daily transactions with a debit card backed by MasterCard. That means we have the protections against fraud, but the money comes directly out of our checking account. You do not have to have a credit card to make major purchases.
My heart breaks each time someone shares a story of mammoth debt. Typically, no one in their childhood dreams of being stretched thin financially. No one longs to spend the bulk of their income on interest and payments. Many have tried unsuccessfully to pay off debt in the past. They feel overwhelmed, isolated, and hopeless. Lean in close and don’t miss this.
Paying off debt is not impossible.
I know you might be incredibly discouraged and not know where to begin. I know your heart is heavy. You’ve read the books, listened to the podcasts, and exasperated yourself to the point of exhaustion. All of the right thinking in the world, all of the best budget forms, all of the top notch strategies – none of these will do you any good unless you have Hope. You must begin to believe that your dragons can. be. beaten. before you embark on your epic quest. True, you might need a new approach. You may even need practical tools. But most of all, you need to stop believing the lie that it will never happen for you. Paying off debt is possible. I’m living proof.
Become deaf to the lies that you have told yourself. Quit listening to the lies that are marketed to you. Throw off the chains of debt. Be free.
1. Everyone Has Debt
2. We Won’t Ever Have Any Fun
3. I’m Not That Good With Money
4. My Children Shouldn’t Have to Suffer for My Mistakes
5. I Need to Build Good Credit to have Financial Freedom
6. Credit Cards Are Necessary for Online Shopping & Traveling
7. Paying Off Debt Is Impossible
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well i really didn't want to help family but what do you do when your single mom daughter has a house and two kids, what do you do when your brother is ill has needs help, or your grand kids needed help and they truly did! so there you have it! it's nice to say don't help but how can i go to sleep at nite!
yea this works if you make above the poverty line, for those of us that wait on the rest of you none of these 'solutions' would ever work. I make roughly around 20,000 - 23,000 a year, that's 2000 -3000 below the poverty line I have a student debt of over 32,000 if there are no price increases, emergencies, interest, everyone eats crap food and if no one out grows or wears out anything I could pay it in about 8- 10 years, but lets face it, prices are going up, things do wear out and emergencies always happen. Thus it will actually take me the next 20-30 years to pay off this debt... tell me again how easy this will be to get debt free before I die?
CW that is a tough situation! I can only imagine the frustration but remember some of my own for years before we looked for some help. it is VERY difficult without support. For example, we have a clothing circle with 2 other families. Often when our kids grow out if something there is a replacement coming down the line. It's amazing how much we spent on clothing before that with 5 children. When I was a single mom with only 2, I had wonderful friends that helped with childcare so I could go to school and/or work late nights, early mornings. We also lived with parents from time to time.
Any circumstance can be overcome with humility to ask for and receive help, faith and hope to fuel creative thinking and TONS of help. I'm praying that you guys would see a light of freedom from debt at the end of this tunnel and that your life becomes full of those that would support and encourage you along the way
I grew up POOR with parents who could not manage money. I had student loans and debt, so I picked up a second, and yes, third job (and that was when I was still taking classes!). You choose to be the victim of your debt, or you roll up your sleeves and work it off. Pay off your credit card with the highest interest rate, save some for emergencies. If that means you don't go out, get new clothes, etc...so be it. You'd be surprised what you don't really need. Thrift shops have great deals. Not trying to sound harsh or like I know it all. I just know there is no shortcut and no one is going to pay it off for you.
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Sadly all these amazing wonderful get debt free ideas and tips focus on a two income household. Different challenge for a single woman, mid life, single income and not a high income earner.
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This is exactly what my dad taught me about money, though it CAN seem almost impossible to live completely debt-free (no car or house payment.) However, credit card interest, rent-to-own, store financing, etc are totally out of the question in our house. And it is so true that the best gift you can give your kids is graduating college with no student debt!! I'll never stop being grateful for my parents planning (to cover what scholarships didn't.)
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