Ever secretly wonder if you really are a good mom? While none of us is perfect, there are 5 habits that all amazing moms share!
Even before I had my first child, I was determined to be a good mom. I devoured every parenting book I could get my hands on and purchased far too many “must-have” gadgets. If I was going to attempt this mom thing, I was going to do it right! I sought advice from everyone I knew, constantly searching for the magic formula that would help me to succeed at mothering.
I have met women who home-school their young children, graciously endure lengthy deployments or sacrifice their own ambitions to care for a special needs child. There are others who have faithfully supported their husband through times of unemployment, lovingly opened up their homes to foster care children or managed to raise good kids without the help of a spouse.
As women, we often compare ourselves with one another. I have discovered that there are two ways to do this. The first is to compare the strengths we see in others to the weaknesses we feel within ourselves. This type of comparison always leaves us feeling inadequate, incapable and insecure. The second is to focus on the failures and shortcomings we see in others to boost our own self-esteem. This will make us feel better for a while, but those feelings fade quickly.
Rather than falling victim to the comparison trap, it is far better to learn from and encourage one another. Let’s stop comparing ourselves to one another and start focusing our energy on our children. We are all on our own unique journey towards becoming the best moms we can.
5 Habits of Amazing Moms
Here are 5 habits I have learned from the amazing moms in my life. Each of these habits has brought me one step closer to the kind of mother I aspire to be.
Amazing moms invest time and energy into understanding their kids.
For kids, perception is reality. If they perceive that Mommy is always busy or distracted, then it then becomes fact in their minds. As a child, I perceived that my mom spent more time working than she did playing with me; therefore, my child-like conclusion was that she loved her work more than she loved me.
As an adult, I can look back and see how flawed my thinking was. But that doesn’t change the fact that I spent a portion of my childhood feeling unloved and unimportant.
As moms, it is critical for us to invest time and energy into understanding our children. Consistently seeking to put ourselves in their shoes and trying to understand their perspective is the first step towards a happy, healthy relationship with our children.
Amazing moms teach their children how to express their feelings.
Kids will only see things from their perspectives if we don’t take the time to share our perspectives with them. It is essential that we patiently explain to our children why Mommy can’t spend the whole day playing with them. Open dialog helps our children to understand why we do what we do. It also builds a foundation of trust and honesty in the relationship.
Openness is a two-way street. It is critical we take the time to ask our children thoughtful questions. Listen carefully to their answers and develop follow-up questions. Many times children do not even know how to define what they are feeling with words. It is our job as parents to teach them how to express their feelings in a positive way.
Once they have opened up to you, reinforce this positive behavior by taking action on what they have said. It will show them that you are a safe place for them and that you truly care about their thoughts and feelings.
Amazing moms are proactive rather than reactive.
Benjamin Franklin once said, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” Understanding that your children have needs that only you can meet and focusing your energy on preventing problems before they occur is the key to successful parenting.
Set aside time each day to prepare a schedule, dividing your time wisely between your household responsibilities and your family. Allow your children to participate by choosing a few fun activities they would like to do with you each day. Be creative and take breaks regularly through the day to engage in these pre-planned activities with your children. Fill their heads and hearts with memories of Mommy focusing 100% of her energy on them.
Being prepared is choosing to be proactive rather than reactive in our relationships with our children. This choice will not only strengthen those relationships, but it will also serve as a daily reminder to our children of their value and significance.
Amazing moms accept their own limitations
As moms, we are constantly being tempted to stretch ourselves too thin. When Mom is stressed and overworked, the whole family suffers. It is important that we recognize our own limitations and seek help when necessary.
Choosing to be humble in our role as a mother is choosing to accept our imperfections. Learning to say “I’m sorry” to our children when we mess up shows them that nobody is perfect… not even Mommy!
Don’t overlook the fact that we all need a bit of help from time to time. I find that I can get more housework done in a few hours of focused time (with NO kids to distract me) than a whole day of juggling my responsibilities. Find someone to kid swap with or let your husband take the kids out for a “daddy-date” every once in a while so you can get caught up on your t0-do list.
Amazing moms love their children in word and in deed.
Kids need to know they are loved. Words aren’t enough. We must also show them love through our actions. Learning the love languages of your children is so beneficial. Discovering whether it is touch, words, quality time, gifts or acts of service that truly communicates love to your child takes time and persistence. Loving our children in the way they receive love is the most valuable gift we will ever give them.
I find if I give my girls a dose of love right away in the morning, or right after they get home from school, things go much better for all of us. It seems like 10-20 minutes of focused attention first thing fills them up and frees them to go play contentedly awhile without Mommy’s undivided attention.
Final Thoughts…
I have recently sold many of my how-to manuals on parenting and realized that all the gadgets in the world won’t make this job easy. I have finally accepted the fact that I will never be a perfect mom. I have learned that it is okay to admire and respect other women for their beauty and strength but there is no good thing that comes from trying to compare myself with them. I believe that the only way to find freedom from the comparison trap is to redirect our energy towards learning from and encouraging one another.
To recap, here are 5 Habits of Amazing Moms:
- Amazing moms invest time and energy into understanding their kids.
- Amazing moms teach their children how to express their feelings.
- Amazing moms are proactive rather than reactive.
- Amazing moms accept their own limitations.
- Amazing moms love their children in word and in deed.
Other helpful resources:
- Don’t Be a Helicopter Parent (and Other Mistakes to Avoid)
- A Mom Sets the Tone
- Three Gifts Every Mom Should Give Herself
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I love this list. I keep coming back to read it over and over because it speaks to me so clearly. I’ve definitely played the comparison game and it’s just a quick way to make yourself feel awful. I will definitely be bookmarking this to read on those days when I feel like I’m failing as a parent.
Wow!This was an amazing article. You did a great job pinpointing the most important habits,out of all the things we do as Mothers. I think another important habit is to believe and treat yourself like you are amazing! Each of us are unique and I love hearing what other Moms are doing to be a success! I feel like I put the time into understanding my kids but I still don’t often.This is very encouraging and beautiful! Thank you!
It is so easy to focus on our own shortcomings as moms, isn’t it Kristianne? I agree that believing in ourselves and our own abilities to be the mom our kids need us to be is an extremely important thing. Thanks for adding to the conversation….
I agree with all these points wholeheartedly. My favorite is teaching children to express their feelings. It is so common to assume that kids know how to process things effectively, when they often do not.
I have seven kids, a mixture of boys and girls, and I find it so effective to teach my kids how boys and girls are different in how they think, act, and express themselves, and how because of these differences we have to give each other a lot of understanding. I believe there to be innate differences between boys and girls that are God-given, and as a mom I feel it is important to teach my kids how to respect one another not in spite of these differences, but because of these differences.
Seven kids. Such a blessing! I only have daughters, so I haven’t personally experienced the differences among my own children. But having grown up with two older brothers, I couldn’t agree more with you. God truly created us in a way that means we are complete when we embrace one another. This is why a Godly marriage is so beautiful and so difficult at the same time! We are just so different 😉 I hope you have a wonderful Mother’s day. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on this article.
What a great post! Love all the pointers and your honesty, Sarah! And for what it’s worth, I think you are a fantastic mother! =)
Thank you, Rachel. I appreciate your sincere compliment. I know that there are always ways we can grow and improve ourselves as moms, and what really matters is that we are always trying our best.
These are wonderful points! I would add that the very most important thing a mom can do is to love her husband deeply and be joyful! Children want to see unity and peace and lots of love between their parents. This helps them to be very secure. In fact, I teach the women I mentor that the greatest thing they can do for their children is to love their children’s daddy. Being joyful is critical also. It helps them to be joyful and learn that loving Jesus and living for Him is the very best thing in the world.
I couldn’t agree with you more Lori. The quality of our marriage is a huge factor in our ability to be a good mom and raise healthy children. Kids crave security and seeing Mom and Dad living in kindness and humility is so important. The best families and marriages are the ones with God in the center. Thank you so much for taking the time to add this very thoughtful comment to the article.
What if he acts like he doesn’t love his wife?
Lack of love and support from a spouse is a challenging obstacle for any mother to overcome. I cannot speak from personal experience, but I have known many women who state that the only way they can get through is by getting their needs met by their Heavenly Father. I encourage you to seek out Christian counsel in your community or church and I will pray that those individuals give you wise counsel about your marriage.
Unless they happen to have abandoned you as they panicked at becoming a father!
You hit this right! So often we forget the role daddy plays in our children’s lives. I would also add what about kids who have parents that arnt together.what about that kid who is being brainwashed by a mother. Any advice on that?