I don’t write much about God here at LWSL. I know I’ve mentioned my church in passing once or twice, but since this blog is about living well on less, about coupons and DiY projects and frugal recipes and throwing fabulous parties on a tiny budget, God just doesn’t seem to come up very often. And if we’re being honest, writing about religion isn’t something that comes easily to me.
My journey as a Christian has been rocky, to say the least. I grew up in a religious family, went to church all through childhood, attended a Christian elementary school, high school, and then college.
And then, my senior year of college I sunk into a debilitating Major Depression that cost me almost everything–including my life–and lasted almost 3 years. It was during that time that I gave up on God. I recovered from the depression, but stayed as far away from religion as I possibly could.
But God didn’t give up on me.
Kids seem to change your perspective on pretty much everything, and after my girls were born it became important to me to raise them with some sort of moral compass. We started attending church, occasionally at first, but then, as the kids began participating in things, more regularly.
By that point I figured God and me had reached an understanding. I would try to be a good person and live a good life, and even take my kids to church, but I certainly wasn’t going to get all Jesus-crazy. I’d put in my time on Sunday morning, and the rest of the week I’d still be able to do my thing, whatever that was.
God had other plans.
As I sat there in church, Sunday after Sunday, despite my resistance, it began to have an impact. Then last year our pastor retired and a new one took his place. This new guy, to be perfectly frank, seemed just a little over the top to me. He was telling us to bring our Bibles every week, for goodness sake! I mean c’mon, really, what kind of a Bible-thumper did he take me for? I strongly considered not going anymore.
But my pastor has been blessed with the gift of preaching, and God plunked me in that pew and kept me there for a reason. Over the past year his sermons have rocked me to the core. Sometimes I literally felt like he and God were tag-teaming me. Is it possible that they were in cahoots? Finally, after so many years of doing it on my own, I just stopped trying to resist.
God can have me.
I gave in and prayed, literally for the first time in many, many years:
I can’t do this on my own, Lord. I’ve tried and I’ve failed. You want me, you can take me. I’m far from perfect and I’ve made too may mistakes to count, but YOUR will be done.”
The peace that I have felt since that moment has been overwhelming. Giving up control is a little scary, especially for a girl who really likes to be in control, but mostly it is just like being home.
This past Sunday my pastor preached about being a servant, and how the true measure of greatness as a Christian is not wealth or power or success or even nice things (like shoes), it is a life of humble service. He ended with the this question:
Will we live our life to be self-important, or will we live our life to hear the words, ‘well done, my good and faithful servant.’”
It got me thinking a lot about my own attitude. Humility isn’t always my strong suit, I know that. Am I doing what I do for my own glory or to serve those around me, and those who read this blog? I hope it is the latter. I pray it is the latter.
It also made me question the things I am striving for. I’ve made no secret of the fact that I like nice things. I started using coupons so that I could afford those nice things. And to a certain extent, I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to dress well or have a lovely home or drive a nice car, but it can’t be the main goal. Because no matter how pretty, ultimately, those things are not what’s important.
My faith journey is far from over; in fact, it has barely just begun. I’m quite confident I’ll continue to make many mistakes along the way. I’m pretty darn good at ’em. But this I know for sure: God is good, and God is love, and despite how horribly imperfect I am, God still wants me.
I know this post is very different from what I normally write, and I promise I’m not suddenly going to suddenly go all “God-Ho” on you and become a religious blog. But part of being a blogger is writing what’s on your heart, and today this was it. I needed an attitude adjustment.
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Ruth,
I understand completely what is like to battle the evil they call depression. My great grandma had it, my grandma has it, my mom has it, I have it, and unfortunately my daughter will probably have it too. Through medication and therapy though we have all lived healthy and happy lives for the most part but I definetely know that feeling when you begin to sink. While yes this a site about saving money on the necessary things we have to have in order to have extra money for the things we want (or even just to help pay for more necessary things!) I think its important to be reminded that those nice things arent always what really matters. I haven’t been couponing long but for the short amount of time I have been it has benefitted not only me but others as well. I have already helped my mother and grandmother to save money on items and I’m planning on putting my freebies to good use by mailing care packages to soldiers overseas. To me the rush of a good deal is great but the feeling of helping my family or even someone I’ve never met before is FANTASTIC!!! You help tons of ppl to become more saving savvy and to be able to support themselves and their families just a little bit easier. Thats knowledge that will never leave them and that can use over and over again and even pass on to others….creating and infinite web of helping! It may not seem like much but to a lot of ppl every little bit helps and can make a huge difference. 🙂
Hi Ruth,
It’s nice to see this post. God never gives up on us. Rather imperfect people give up on him.
Soon there will be a time when no one has depression or any other illnesses.
We await for the day!
Revelation 21:4 And I saw a new heaven and a new earth for the former heaven and the former earth had passed away. Rev. 21:3 …Look! the tent of God is with mankind and he will reside with them, and they will be his peoples, And God himself will be with them. 21:4 And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away.
Hi Ruth lol.
Your brother and your dad just read your blog.
That almost made dad cry and he insisted that I would read your message for those who care.
Well we do.
I saw you on the news and I thaught that was kewl. Well many blessings from all of us.
God whants us but we somethimes think its just a game.
God bless your family
can’t stop weeping…love you Ruth. Big huge gigantic hugs
This is the first time I leave a comment on a blog, I follow a few couponing ones, and the reason I am writing is to tell you what an exceptional writer you are, English is not my first language but the way you phrase an use words make reading your blogs an truly enjoyable experience, I know this doesn’t seem to relate to WHAT you wrote about, but if HE calls you maybe you should consider answering in Writing cause you DO have the Gift of prose.