If you follow Project Simplify 365, you already know that I’ve been on a mission this year to simplify my family’s life and rid ourselves of excess. Over the course of this past year I have probably given away about 75 percent of their toys, keeping only the items that I felt encouraged their imagination and that they actually played with. I thought I was doing pretty good.
Even so, there were warning signs that my kids still had too much stuff. In June, we took a field trip to Reptile World in Orlando. Afterwards we decided it would be fun to take the girls to dinner at a dinosaur-themed restaurant called T-Rex in Downtown Disney. While we were waiting to be seated Princess spotted the Build-a-Dino Workshop in the gift shop and although we immediately said “no way,” from that moment on she could think of nothing else.
All through our delicious dinner, surrounded by dramatic (fake) meteor showers and animatronic dinosaurs, she fixated on the one thing she couldn’t have rather than the cool sights we were actually experiencing.
On the three hour drive home, Husband and I–seriously concerned by our daughter’s inability to enjoy the moment–made a point to talk about all the neat stuff we had seen, what our favorite reptiles were, and how funny Trouble had been holding the snake. By the time we made it home the Build-a-Dino had been forgotten. At least by her. But we were worried.
The Breaking Point
In the weeks that followed, Husband and I talked a lot about how we were going to handle this lack of contentment we were noticing in our eldest daughter. Then one morning near the end of July, after telling my kids to clean their room for the umpteenth time, I made the somewhat impulsive–albeit pre-warned–decision to take away ALL their stuff.
Just 2 days earlier I had spent half the day cleaning their room & re-organizing their toys and closet, which is something I do fairly regularly. I wasn’t asking them to clean some giant out-of-control mess, just to pick up a few items off the floor and put them away in the very clearly labeled baskets. Every time I came back to check on them, they had not only NOT picked up, they had made an even bigger mess.
I finally gave up and took it all away. I wasn’t angry, just fed up. I calmly began packing up not just a toy or two, but every single thing. All their dress-up clothes, baby dolls, Polly Pockets, & stuffed animals, all their Barbies, building blocks, and toy trains, right down to the the furniture from their dollhouse and play food from their kitchen. I even took the pretty Pottery Barn Kids comforter from their bed. The girls watched me in stunned silence for a few minutes and then, when the shock wore off, they helped. And just like that, their room was clear.
Paradigm Shift
I had no idea what a dramatic difference this one semi-impulsive decision would make in all our lives. I first started noticing a real change about 4 weeks later when we took a family trip to Key West.
In contrast to our last outing and for the first time ever, neither girl asked us to buy a single thing the entire weekend. Not a toy, not a cheesy souvenier, not a light-up necklace from a passing street vender. Nothing. We passed hundreds of shops and they loved looking in the window, but they were content just to be. What was most amazing to me was that we didn’t talk to them about it ahead of time. Not once did we have to tell them not to ask, or explain that being together was what mattered.
Had I not experienced it with my own eyes, I would’ve never believed that an addiction to stuff could be broken that quickly. The truth is that when I took all their stuff away, I was terrified at what would happen. I worried that I was scarring them for life, depriving them of some essential developmental need, taking away their ability to self-entertain.
In reality, the opposite has happened. Instead of being bored, they seem to have no shortage of things to do. Their attention span is much longer and they are able to mindfully focus on their task at hand. They color or read for hours at a time and happily spend the entire afternoon playing hide & seek or pretend.
They are far more content, able to appreciate the blessings that they do have, and able to truly enjoy the moment they are in without always having to move on to the next thing. They are more creative and patient, more willing to share, far more empathetic towards the plight of others, and, with little to fight over, they hardly fight at all.
When I do take down a toy for them to play with (no, I didn’t throw everything away), such as their Lego blocks or dress-up clothes or or their kitchen food & dishes, that one thing will entertain them for the entire day. (The rest has more or less been forgotten and will soon make it’s way from the attic to the Goodwill pile.)
What I love even more is that they are able to recognize excess on their own. Aside from a favorite stuffed animal and the comforter on their bed, (which they both earned back), neither of them actually want their toys back on a permanent basis. They like not being overwhelmed by stuff and not having to spend so much time cleaning their room. In fact, later that very same day, as we drove to gymnastics class, Princess said it’s okay that we don’t have any more toys Mommy. We can just read and use our imaginations. And now we won’t have to clean up every day. She understood before I did that more stuff doesn’t make us happier.
No turning back
When I first became a mom I was so happy to have a chance to start over, to undo through my children all the wrong that was done to me, to give them everything I felt I had missed out on. I wanted our lives to be perfect, and my vision of perfection included a perfectly decorated bedroom filled with beautiful things, a life where they would want for nothing.
I equated giving them stuff with making them happy, a message that our consumer driven culture hammers into our psyches from the time we our born. Oh, what a lie!
I started this blog because I am a shopaholic, and there are so many times where I buy things when I am bored or unhappy, just to fill the void. My husband laughs at me (and sometimes throws up his hand in frustration) because although I talk a good game about wanting to downsize and get rid of stuff, in reality there are still many times where I just can’t help myself from buying more.
I justify it, telling myself it was on sale or a really good deal, or something we really needed, or that I deserve it because I work so hard. In reality it is just another thing I am trying to buy to solve a problem that runs much deeper.
Stuff isn’t evil in and of itself, but in a world where we are constantly told that what we have isn’t quite good enough, the love of things can so very easily consume us. It is the pursuit of it all–more toys, cuter clothes, a prettier house, a nicer car, a bigger computer, a fancier phone–that makes us forget all the things that actually matter.
It wasn’t until after observing first hand the real and immediate changes in my children after taking their toys away that I truly began to understand. And now instead of me teaching them, they have taught me the lesson I wish I would’ve have learned a long time ago.
For our family, there’s no turning back.
UPDATE 4/2/13: It has been over six months since I originally published this post and judging by the comments that continue to come in, this topic has struck a nerve with many of you. I also realize that many of you who are reading this post after seeing it shared on Pinterest or Facebook have never been to my blog before and don’t “know” me beyond this one semi-extreme parenting moment. Hopefully you’ll take the time to get to know me a little better, to read my story, and to see how much I truly love my kids before you judge. I am far from a perfect mother, just as my kids are not robots (nor do I expect them to be.) Ultimately we are all in need of Grace.
That said, as far as the toy situation goes, we have continued to limit the number of toys in our home, with no regrets or second thoughts. At the end of the day, I simply don’t believe kids need a gazillion distractions to make them happy. We also limit our screen time to about 2-3 hours a week. Most evenings are spent reading, playing games, or doing puzzles as a family, and we continue to see increased contentment and joy in our kids.
After seeing the changes in our kids, my husband and I have been inspired to minimize our own excesses in stuff as well, and over the past six months we have continued to purge as much as we can. Our goal is to live simply, to enjoy each other, and to be content with what we have. We’re not there yet–a lifetime of always needing more is not an easy thing to break–but we’re getting there.
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Have you ever thought about taking all your kids’ toys away? If not, what stopped you? Do you ever feel consumed by too much stuff? How do you cut back?
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Faith September 14, 2012 at 10:57 am
Thank you for this post! I told my husband just this morning that our 11 year old needs to go on a technology break! He has his tablet or a video game everywhere he goes and has a hard time socializing with other kids! He excels in academics and baseball, but other than that, he is glued to some form of technology for the majority of the day. If I restrict his access, he becomes moody and irritable. This is excatly what I needed to hear! Thanks, Ruth!
Ruth September 14, 2012 at 3:10 pm
Faith I hear you on the technology! We decided to restrict the girls’ computer/television/Kindle time when we started homeschooling because it was becoming such an obsession for both of them. Now they are allowed a MAX of 30 minutes of screen time a day, but during the week we try to cut it out completely unless it is something school-related. It has definitely made a big difference too!
Good luck!
katie October 18, 2012 at 11:02 am
YES!! We have this exact problem! All of the kids have handheld devices and a seemingly non-stop itch to be on the computer! While my husband and I were on a trip we put up ALL of the electronics and limited computer time to school-related activities during the week and only 30 minutes a day on the weekend to make it easier for my parents while they were watching the kids for us. We have been home for a month now and have yet to change any rules….LOVE IT! And the kids, surprisingly, are not that bummed! If they know they can’t have it, there is no stress over wondering when/if they can use it. Out of sight, out of mind!
Elizabeth March 29, 2013 at 3:09 pm
Definitely an interesting post. I go through my 2.5 year old sons periodically and pull out any he doesn’t play with to take to the thrift store. We’ve started the Christmas tradition where Santa may bring a few items, but we also leave some for him to “take to other children”. I try to limit the number of toys he has, but not pull them away completely.
Faith – I have a coworker who makes days that start with T – “technology free”. The whole family does not use anything technology in the home – tv, tablet, computer, even the phone on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s. At school and work are an obvious exception, but it’s gone over very well for them. It was hard at first, but the kids are finding new forms of entertainment, and the parents are even satisfied with the challenge for themselves! Just thought I’d share.
Holly September 14, 2012 at 10:58 am
Yes, I’ve thought about it very often! I really think they would be content with only dress up clothes & Legos. I can hear the oldest boys now saying..”What about your stuff mama?”. Who knows…Maybe I’ll do it today:)
Ruth September 14, 2012 at 3:11 pm
LOL dress up and Legos are the 2 main toys in this house too! I can’t wait to hear how it goes Holly…I hope you write a post about it!
Karilee September 14, 2012 at 11:08 am
This post came at the perfect time for me! My kids have an overwhelming amount of STUFF and my husband and I have be one sick of it. Neither of us grew up with excess and I spent hours reading and playing outside, same as my husband. My son’s biological mother left him when he was a few months old and my husband lved with his parents until we got married when our son was four. He was spoiled and still is by his grandparents and now my daughter is too. I argue on a daily basis with the kids to clean up their oversized playroom and I’m tired of the disorganization! We are being pulled by the Holy Spirit to pull our son from private school and I need half of that playroom for our classroom! I am planning on getting rid of st least half of the stuff and praying our family members support us and help us on this journey to simplify life! Because even though our son loves reading and my three year old daughter can do puzzles for hours, I still hear the words “I’m bored!” and it breaks my heart! I want my kids to understand that life is about love and people around you, not the stuff… Thank you thank you for this post, I needed to know I am not the only one in the world that wants to throw the needless toys out the window!!
Ruth September 14, 2012 at 3:14 pm
Good luck Karilee. It can be so hard when there are other people buying gifts for your kids because getting rid of them seems mean or ungrateful. We have that same problem with my Husband’s sister who LOVES to spoil them with toys and clothes. I finally just had to give myself permission to let stuff go, but anything that is “sentimental” I do put away in a keepsake box.
Lisa M September 19, 2012 at 6:38 pm
We have a couple that we know that asked their parents to not get the kids more than 3 gifts. One is a book, two is an outfit or piece of clothing and three may be a toy. Luckily they were happily to comply. It is a hard subject to discuss with some family members. Luckily for us our family knows my son gets overwhelmed with getting to much stuff at once as he struggles with autism. We let our boys open everything and then put some stuff back, rotating it through out the year. I also do a fall clean out and get ready of all the things that they do not use. hope that helps some
Tanya September 14, 2012 at 11:14 am
You are an inspiration! I feel like I am being driven out of my house by all of the stuff that my children and husband acquire! I always nagging them about the memories that we have. None of them include this STUFF! I would love to do this, but I feel like I would be lynched in my own home. But maybe this is what I need to risk so they can look back and remember the family moments, not the video games, the bins of junk, the piles of stuffed animals, etc….. Thank you for your post!!
Ruth September 14, 2012 at 3:15 pm
Thanks Tanya. I wish you the best. It is definitely a BIG (and hard) step to take, but so worth it!
Juli Iles September 14, 2012 at 11:14 am
GREAT post! I don’t buy my son toys almost at all, but his Grandma enjoys buying him stuff and is a very sweet and generous person. I think what stops me from clearing out his room the most is knowing that she had such a good heart in getting him stuff. How do I get rid of stuff without looking ungrateful?? = /
Ruth September 14, 2012 at 3:18 pm
Thanks Juli. I have the same problem with my Husband’s sister, who spoils my daughters rotten. She has gotten a little better over the years as we have gently tried to explain how important it is that our kids not have too much stuff. I think seeing me give some of their stuff away that she had given them also made her realize it was a little too much. Now she sticks mostly to clothes so they are very well dressed.
Ultimately I just had to get over the idea that because something was a gift we had to keep it forever. Anything that is truly special & sentimental I put away in a keepsake box, but let’s be honest: a lot of it is just stuff!
Kat September 19, 2012 at 5:46 pm
I have the same situation… my inlaws (including aunts-in-law) constantly buy my kids crap. What finally did it was having my MIL here when I had another baby. While she was here I asked if she’d help me organize their stuff/closet because now three kids would be sharing a room. When she saw first hand how much STUFF they have and had to put up with figuring out where the hell it would all go (I had a c-section, so she had to do all the heavy lifting), she declared she’d never buy them another toy again. Now she gets them one big thing they actually need, and asks us first. This year they’ll be getting bunk beds for Christmas. She still feels like she’s being helpful and giving, we’re greatly appreciative… and no small pieces all over the house
Andrea September 14, 2012 at 11:19 am
We were planning a move about 18 months ago- to save my sanity while the house was for sale, I sold or gave away 95% of their toys. I caught so much slack from my mom friends, telling me how that was cruel and unfair for my children to have no toys to play with.
Much like your children, mine LOVED the freedom! There was no more arguing for a clean room. There was no more stuff scattered throughout the house.
Plans changed, and we didn’t move as planned. Christmas, birthdays, and other holidays have seen a steady influx of toys back into the house. Thanks for the encouragement that it’s time for a major purge again!
Ruth September 14, 2012 at 3:19 pm
I know Andrea, I didn’t even address how much EASIER it is to keep my house clean without having to pick up a gazillion toys each day!
Good luck with your purge!
bg September 14, 2012 at 11:30 am
Great post. I agree with a lot of what you said. I know that was a bold move, and probably not an easy one to do. I agree also with what you said about stuff in itself is not bad, but the pursuit of more is the problem. Over the past couple of years we have worked to reduce our kids stuff as well, along with technology. It’s amazing even with all the toys around, they prefer to play with a something that maybe would otherwise be labelled trash for lack of a better term. My only question is I wonder if kids have a heart change because of something like this, or is it just a behavior modification. I guess the jury is still out on that. Also, how do your kids “earn it back”? Is it a good behavior award? Just curious. Thanks for sharing your honesty in this post. I enjoyed reading it.
Ruth September 14, 2012 at 3:22 pm
Thanks BG. At this point I don’t know whether it is a “true” change of heart but I guess I’ll take what I can get. We use a diamond jar reward system. They can earn diamonds for doing something helpful or reading or trying hard in school or learning their memory work, and once they have earned 10 diamonds they can get one toy back.
sissy September 14, 2012 at 11:36 am
What will they get for Christmas or their birthdays?
Ruth September 14, 2012 at 3:25 pm
Princess had her birthday while we were in Key West. We gave her a book and a dress, but her main gift was going on the trip. We haven’t thought much about Christmas yet, but I would like to make a dress for each of them, and Santa will probably bring one thing for each of them as well. We try to make Christmas about traditions and spending time together and giving back to other people anyway, so I’m not too worried about it.
Kendra December 26, 2012 at 7:14 pm
We also found “experience gifts” are the way to go on birthdays and Christmas. This year we stayed at home for Christmas since we are Gazelle Intense (thank you Dave Ramsey and A Merry Different Christmas). Hopefully next Christmas our credit card debt will be a memory and we will take a trip to make a memory!
Sara September 14, 2012 at 12:29 pm
I love this post!!! I have twin girls and have been having the same problems with them. They have way to much toys and they never clean their stuff up. THey now expect me to clean it and if they have toys and are done with them they just throw them on the ground. I have threatend them many times to take away a lot of their toys but have never done it…until this week. Earlier in the week I spent hours in their room organizing the toys and cleaning. By day three my kids had taken every toy out and their room was a disaster. They refused to clean up. Fed up I went in their and took about 50% of their stuff out. And it looks and feels so much better. I think they really like it as well because they are not so overwhelmed by all the stuff. THeir room has remained clean for several days now. I to feel like less is more. I am constantly cleaning and feel we have just to much so I am going through the entire house and trying to get rid of at least 50% of everything. The less their is the less their is to clean!!
Ruth September 14, 2012 at 3:26 pm
My sentiments exactly! Thanks Sara!
Janet C April 9, 2013 at 2:38 pm
Thanks so much for sharing this, Something we need to do I think
Brittany September 14, 2012 at 1:06 pm
Ruth, Awesome! It reminds me of this speech one of our church leaders gave awhile back about uncluttering our lives:
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/1992/04/unclutter-your-life
Enjoy!
Ruth September 14, 2012 at 3:28 pm
Brittany that was a really awesome sermon! Thanks so much for sharing!
Cathy September 15, 2012 at 12:54 am
Thx for sharing that Brittany! A good reminder to unclutter all aspects of our lives!
Angie September 14, 2012 at 1:30 pm
It’s so good to know I’m not alone. I told my husband one day that it is my goal to throw at least one thing away a day from my girls’ bedroom. I am a bit of a neat freak and the other day, I just snapped when I was helping one of my girls find a pair of shoes for her AG doll. I just started tossing handfuls in the garbage, not even paying attention to much of what I was throwing away. I ended up with 3 bags full! I asked my girls afterwards if they hated when I get in those “throw away” moods, but, to my surprise, they both said they LOVED it! Reading this post has now motivated me to move on to the next task on my list (the one that keeps moving farther down the list) – cleaning out the closets. We don’t need half of that junk, and it’s going to feel so good getting rid of it.
Ruth September 14, 2012 at 3:27 pm
It DOES feel good! Good luck with your purging!
Keirra September 14, 2012 at 3:08 pm
I will be doing something like this soon. With my entire house! I am tired of all the STUFF. STUFF here and STUFF there. Maybe my family will thank me later…. just maybe
Ruth September 14, 2012 at 3:27 pm
They will!
Good luck Kierra!
Diane September 14, 2012 at 5:18 pm
I totally agree that less is more. When I was a kid, my folks didn’t have a lot of money so we didn’t have the best and newest, but we never knew we didn’t have as much as the next kid. I remenber one Christmas, my mom got me a knockoff Barbie and made the clothes for the doll. It was one of the best Christmases I had. I hope that our younger generation learns from your blog. Thanks for sharing.
Ruth September 15, 2012 at 3:10 pm
Thanks Diane
Latisha September 20, 2012 at 3:51 pm
I still have the Barbie clothes that my mom made me for Christmas when I was a child. Very few other Christmas gifts have meant enough for me to keep all of these years. Now my daughters play with them.
Jessy at Our Side of the Mountain September 14, 2012 at 7:34 pm
Awesome! ::laugh:: I did this once…and the kids could earn back one toy each day they kept their rooms clean (or at least clean enough for me to vacuum the rugs and not trip doing so). Unfortunately the clean didn’t last. I’m so tempted to do it again…
Ruth September 15, 2012 at 3:25 pm
That’s a great idea Jessy! Good luck!
Kate E September 14, 2012 at 10:44 pm
Very, very scary thing to do…way to go. Less is More.
Off subject: where do you typically shop for the girls clothes? Knowing you’re budget conscious, I’m curious where you find such cute things clothes.
THANKS RUTH!
Ruth September 15, 2012 at 3:16 pm
Thanks Kate.
My sister-in-law buys them a LOT of their dresses & she is not especially budget conscious.
When I shop for them I usually look for clearance/coupon deals at Gymboree, Target, TeaCollection.com, or Kohl’s. I have a really hard time buying them any clothes that aren’t at least 70% off, but sometimes at Target I’ll settle for 50%.
Cathy September 15, 2012 at 12:56 am
Love love love! Thx for the inspiration. Just what I needed!
Ruth September 15, 2012 at 3:16 pm
Thanks Cathy!
Virginia September 15, 2012 at 6:12 am
I have 3 boys and I have taken all of there toys away about 1 year ago. They get 1 toy a day and it makes things so much simpler now that I don’t have to argue with them over picking their messes all the time and having that viscous cycle going on all the time. For my oldest son with ADHD and OCD he is much more happier now that it is easier for him to keep his room straight with his younger brother to which he shares a room. There are still fights but it isn’t over it is your mess you pick it up and my youngest who is 5 is content with playing with the one toy he picks out in the morning all day with hardly any issues. Life after toys is good. : )
Ruth September 15, 2012 at 3:16 pm
Love hearing the long term results! Thanks for sharing Virginia!
monica September 15, 2012 at 8:54 am
I love this post! I have thought to do this so many times but was afraid to just like youbut nOw i think I’m going to try it. I also have a problem with my daughter watching way too much tv
Ruth September 15, 2012 at 3:17 pm
Good luck Monica!
Tiffany September 15, 2012 at 12:56 pm
Oh you MEAN and Horrible Mother!
My Mom actually did this to us as kids AND cut the cord on the TV. LITERALLY. As we were watching it. She walked over, unplugged it and with a HUGE pair of scissors cut the cord in half in front of 6 horrified kids!
From then on I had the BEST childhood. We played together and never were bored. I loved growing up that way. With my own 7 kids, they have WAY too much. A storm is brewing…. it won’t be long until the same thing goes down in this house.
Love you! Love reading your gorgeous blog and looking at your amazing pictures!
Ruth September 15, 2012 at 3:19 pm
Oh Tiffany, that is AWESOME…..your mom had some serious guts! Can’t wait to hear how things go down in your house….you always have SUCH an entertaining way of sharing your family’s experiences!
xoxoxo
A Joyful Mess September 15, 2012 at 12:57 pm
I am LOVING this! You have me so tempted to do this myself for our children. I must share your site with some “friends” of mine. Thank you!
Ruth September 15, 2012 at 3:23 pm
You’re welcome…..thanks for the comment and thanks so much for sharing!
Lisa September 16, 2012 at 5:44 pm
Too much stuff? Oh yes! Way too much! And I’m just as bad as the kids. But I’m working on it. Last month, I spent a considerable amount of time filtering through boxes upon boxes of misc. things. Stray puzzle pieces, battery covers, marbles, doll shoes, screws, candles… you name it! Left to my husband, all those boxes would have just been tossed out to the trash. But I cannot stand wastefullness and I have a pet peeve about keeping sets of things together. I don’t know how I allowed things to get so bad. Anyway, missing things were found and toy sets were made complete. Then, most were placed in boxes to be donated. Much of this was done while my whole family was home. So the process was very slow because there were other pressing needs. Then, my in-laws took my kids for an entire day and that’s when the real work began! Their rooms were cleared, stuff was boxed up, and the stuff that was removed hasn’t even been thought about or asked for! It’s as if it was never even here in the first place! We have a long way to go. But this is a great start! And it shows that we really don’t need so much clutter in our lives. Hold on to the people, not the stuff!
Jeniece September 17, 2012 at 10:08 am
wow I am glad to know I am not the only one! I have 3 kids (1boy and 2 girls) ages 7,4 and 2. They had way too much stuff and I could not take it anymore either. I threw EVERYTHING away! I do not have a single toy in the house left. I did keep the family board games and this was the best thing I could have even done. my mom things i’m crazy but its such a weight lifted off my shoulders and the kids don’t even miss the toys!
Alice September 17, 2012 at 10:37 am
Excellent post! This really hit home with me. We share the same problems with ‘stuff’. I buy toys as means of showing love and that is so wrong. I also shop to fill a void in my own life and instead of enabling my kids to do the same its time I look deep inside myself to fix this problem once and for all. Thank you for the motivation!
Stephanie @ Harrington Harmonies September 18, 2012 at 6:30 am
It is very refreshing to get rid of the excess. Yes I have done this. I am addicted to simplifying things. I move all the time so its a necessity. Many of our kids are so over stimulated that they don’t learn he art of the imagination. Having fewer things can be good for them too!
April September 18, 2012 at 11:46 am
I think taking away toys is great. My son has never had a lot of toys, and we’ve taken them all away. Like your daughters, he enjoyed playing alone just as much if not more. As an only child, he has always had to entertain himself, but taking the toys away made it worse.
The problem becomes when it’s time for punishment (in my opinion). He learned to adapt to not having anything, and now very little affects him when it’s time for punishment. From time out to extra homework to physical labor, he takes it all in stride – mostly without a sense of urgency since he wouldn’t be “getting” anything in return.
Marsha Cooper September 18, 2012 at 7:40 pm
I’m about to take all the grandchildren’s toys out of my craft room.
I’m not taking everything away, but going back to the Lego’s, Duplos, Barbies, Hot Wheels, the doll house, building blocks, few board games, and the craft supplies that we originally started with when we moved in to this house.
Less is definitely more! I need to clear my stuff and my mind too.
Christie September 19, 2012 at 10:42 am
I found you through Women Living Well and I’m your newest follower (on Twitter – @ChristSatisfied)! I love this post and thank you for the reminder! I’m currently reading 7 by Jen Hatmaker and have become so overwhelmed with the excess in our lives. It’s crazy and ridiculous! Thanks for sharing your heart!
Christie
http://www.facebook.com/satisfactionthroughchrist
nancy September 19, 2012 at 10:54 am
Please don’t feel need to post this comment…I just must send it in love. I knew another mom that made the same decision as you when her kids were young. She continued to attempt to teach her kids to do the right thing by controlling their choices and their belongings. She has already lost one of these children to drugs and violence and two more are headed in the same direction. When you see your kids making poor choices (materialism) please seek to teach them how to make the right choices themselves. Yes, this begins at an early age and continues. Making the choices for them, taking away gifts and possessions that were once theirs is a very very scary slope to start down. I totally mean this in love as someone who has watched that family break.
Anna September 19, 2012 at 6:16 pm
Taking away their toys was probably a symptom of a deeper cause. Kids can sniff controlling attitudes from a mile away, and rebel against it.
The same decision can be made from different perspectives. I agree with you, but this all seems healthy, at this point. Especially when the children are given buy-in on the process, not just punishment from a very unhappy, unhealthy parent.
tara September 19, 2012 at 7:29 pm
I’m sorry but I have to agree with the above commentor…this is a dangerous decision to make. Its like the difference between punishment and discipline. When you just lose it and take away your childrens possessions (bc that’s what they are to the child) you are teaching them that they have no say-so, no control over their own things. Have you ever read the book Boundarries? I suggest you do. A better way to approach this may have been to have a heart to heart with your girls and then let them each choose 4 or 5 toys to keep. In order to grow up confident and develop healthy bounddaries, children need to feel in control of their lives/bodies/personal space. It does not surprise me her kids grew up to be drug users as many children do turn to that lifestyle when they do not develop healthy boundaries. You absolutely cannot control your kids and expect everything to end up ok. Maybe they didn’t ask for toys bc they know you will just say no or throw them out. Did you ask them how it made them feel? I recently read an article about a hoarder and one of the traumatic turning points for her was when her mother threw away all of her toys and nice clothes. It was devestating.
mRox September 20, 2012 at 3:17 am
I think you all are looking at this the wrong way. Having just done this myself with the same result I can tell you that it was absolutely the right thing to do. We now have a library check out system for toys and our daughter is allowed to have 2 toys or 1 bin of an activity out at a time if her room is perfectly clean. She LOVES this system and whats more, enjoys having a clean, calm inviting bedroom. She feels like she is in control of things more because it is not overwhelmed by the mere presence of toys in her room. She does not miss her toys at all. I’m not getting rid of absolutely everything, but thinning out was necessary for all of our sakes. I honestly do not think that because i’m teaching my family to be organized, frugal and grateful for the small and simple things that she will one day self destruct and turn to drugs or worse to self soothe or fill an empty void.
Latisha September 20, 2012 at 4:04 pm
This is a great idea, mRox.
Emily October 9, 2012 at 8:49 am
I would like to comment that my father used to threaten to take away everything and leave us sisters with 3 sets of clothing each and a bed in our rooms. He never did it because my mother wouldn’t let him, but as an adult, I now wish that he had done it. To this day, I struggle with valuing my possessions and act carelessly with them. If I had been cut down to nothing, it would have taught me to appreciate what I had and to purposefully take care of those items.
Leah April 3, 2013 at 4:53 am
You seriously think kids turned to drugs and violence because their mother took away their toys? Please. Obviously there was something else wrong in those children’s lives. There is a difference between being over-bearing and controlling when kids are old enough to make their own decisions (I know a 35 year old who still feels bullied into making certain decisions by his father), and taking away excessive toys when children are young. Of course you need to make choices for them when they are young, they are too young to make good choices for themselves. Do you let them choose if they want to go to school, or whether to take medicine they have been prescribed, or whether to eat healthy food? I hope not.
Robin May 13, 2013 at 3:36 am
Great post! I am slowly heading that way too and it is encouraging to hear that I am not the only one out there. We have gotten rid of about 90% of the toys and have already seen a big difference. I am ready to go all the way, but have been discouraged by family members. We are about to move and think that may be the time to make the final purge.
Elise September 19, 2012 at 12:24 pm
When our son was born, DH and I were determined not to let the toys get out of hand. We strongly feel that it’s good for him to grow up “poor”. And yet, his toy box is already overflowing. Thanks for this reminder!
The Prudent Homemaker September 19, 2012 at 5:40 pm
We’ve had the most trouble with the little toys that family gives.
We’ve been encouraging boks, and lately, my family has been cutting down on gifts, much to my relief. They’ve even been asking about needs, which has been a relief.
I love your post.
People are always so surprised that I’m not getting my children a ton of toys for Christmas and birthdays.
Your post is a good reminder to me that it’s time to put the Legos back up for a while. My husband just reminded me of this yesterday, but I stopped before replying and put them up.
Brooke September 19, 2012 at 5:49 pm
I love this post; thank you so much for sharing. It’s been something I’ve been mulling over for a long time. I’m curious what your thoughts are on this: my eldest child is 6. He’s incredibly sentimental, so much so that he cried when I was going to donate my old boppy! I have terrible time trying to get him to get rid of stuff he no longer needs or uses. How would I approach this without breaking his sensitive heart?
Latisha September 20, 2012 at 10:36 pm
for Brooke:
My 4th child is sentimental. She had been stuffing her special things under her dresser until they bulged out in an unsightly manner. I finally gave her a box that would slide easily under her bed and told her that she could keep whatever she could fit in that box. From time to time, she has discarded an item that had lost it’s sentimental value to make room for a new item.
Also, I occasionally clean the kids’s rooms when they are gone. This prevents them from renewing their attachment to items on their way out. Be careful, though, that you do not discard an item that is truly important to your child because it looks like “junk” to you. Best wishes.
Patti September 19, 2012 at 6:16 pm
When my son was young, he had way too much stuff, too. Every year we would clean out and he would have a yard sale that we advertised as a “boy’s yard sale”. He would sell tons of stuff and buy only one thing – first a big lego kit, then a cd player, last time it was a foosball table. He is now in college and came home for a weekend recently to purge his stuff so I could sell it. Ha!! He said I could keep the money for his college needs. I think our society has become crazy with all the junk out there. It floored me one year when someone gave my son a battery operated bubble blower. What happened to simple bubbles in the bottle??? I believe that if you don’t have so much stuff, you do use your imagination more – when your child says, “I’m bored” that is a GOOD thing – it will make them look for something to do UNLESS you step in and “save” them every time. I also agree that you can be too controlling when you just take their stuff away,throw things out without their input, or make your high standards theirs. I grew up with parents like that and my brother and I both HATE being in their home. (We weren’t allowed to have “attachments” to toys or ever put anything out of place). We both moved as far away as possible when we grew up!! There is a fine line between helping your children be less reliant on “stuff” and being an overbearing, helicopter parent as Nancy noted. Help your children learn to be self-reliant and able to make decisions (good and bad – they learn from their mistakes, too!). I am so happy to almost see adulthood with mine… whew! it is a tough job being a parent.
Anna September 19, 2012 at 6:19 pm
Hello, I’m new, and already stuck my neck out there. hee.
I desperately need to thin out the toys. I make a plan to do it every year before Christmas, and never quite get it all done. I do, fortunately, grab some of the broken and cheap toys and get rid of them.
I love the idea of a garage sale, though. I have three girls- 10, 8, and 5 (and a boy, 3). I bet I could get them to sell their stuff. I will probably not let them buy toys with it, though! HA!
Anna September 19, 2012 at 6:21 pm
Oh, darn. I forgot the biggest part. We’re homeschoolers, and I try to hold on to anything that’s open-ended, creative or educational. *sigh*
Ashley September 19, 2012 at 7:49 pm
oh how i thank you for this post. my family is currently in the process of moving/downsizing Wr have been living in a 1300square foot house and now are downsizing into a fifth wheel. My husband had always wanted to live at the beach and we finally were able to make that dream come true about 3 days ago. as we have moved in to our now 300 square feet it has been quite the reality check for me and all my stuff. i love doing craft projects and have let my collection of stuff get away fro
me. i didnt have time to get everything and while i have noticed things that i wish id grabbed, there is also a lot i dont miss.
Camille September 19, 2012 at 8:43 pm
I have thought and thought and thought about seriously depleting the toy pile. But I’m afraid of the kids having nothing to do! I think you just convinced me to go for it.
Rhoda September 19, 2012 at 10:58 pm
I took all my sons toys away when he was 3. I ended up having to stay after preschool to talk to his teacher about his “lying.” She said the topic was “what is your favorite toy?” and his response was he didn’t have any. Took me a long time to convince her he wasn’t lying. I think maybe she thought I was lying to cover for him lol.
Megscole64 September 20, 2012 at 1:13 am
Wow. This is Inspiring and scary all at the same time. I think I take comfort from my “stuff” and the idea of “what if” I need it someday. But I’m struggling with a ridiculously messy cluttered house. Stepping on toys is not fun either. On the other hand I would rather he play with his Lincoln logs, tinker toys, Legos, an cars than watch tv which he only gets to watch in the morning while I get ready. I can’t imagine getting rid of ALL his toys but I know I need to do a purge soon! His birthday is coming up and we will be getting more toys I’m sure.
mRox September 20, 2012 at 3:03 am
OH MY GOSH! I just did this very thing with my daughters room about a month ago with the same result. I took away ALL her toys with the exception of her ipod that she uses to go to sleep at night and have dance parties during the day and her art supplies and desk. (she is 5 btw) I left a note on her dresser saying that during the night all of her toys had moved out because they were sad that she wouldnt take care of them and that they would come back when she could treat them nicely. I expected major drama and tantrums but had the same experience that you did with your kids…she was so relieved to have her room clean and free of everything. she walked in and thanked me for taking everything out. How funny to have the same exact experience. I felt like i was reading a description of my life, family and past personal issues when i read your post. thanks so much!
Ruth September 30, 2012 at 6:28 am
It is so amazing to hear that others have had the same experience! Thanks for sharing!
mRox September 20, 2012 at 3:07 am
ps my daughter asked me the other day if we could not get her a lot of christmas gifts…being the only grandchild she gets super spoiled every year and its very overwhelming. She told me this year she just wants 3 gifts. How easy did my life just get??
Karen September 20, 2012 at 1:49 pm
Okay, so I sort of stumbled upon your blog and am so glad I did! I really enjoy (as we all do!) giving gifts to my children, seeing their excitement, surprise, everything. About five years ago, my husband and I decided to only give each child one gift for their birthday and one for Christmas and simultaneously get rid of at least 50% of their toys (ended up being around 80%). SO much better. But now, things are getting crowded again. Last week, after the typical “clean your room” and “I like it like this” back-and-forth, we agreed to purge again. No toys allowed in bedrooms and we’re only keeping the stuff that is a complete set, has a clearly marked box, and is put away. “Put away” means on the shelf at the top of the closet. Since then, they’ve not asked to get them down. At all. I thought maybe something was wrong with them until I also saw the freedom. I’m thinking this is a permanent situation for us, as well. Thank you so much for sharing your experiment and putting it into words! Keep it up, rock star!
Latisha@ confessions of a Martha September 20, 2012 at 11:06 pm
I have a very distict memory of my parents doing this when I was 5. I shared a room with my sister and it was a DISASTER. Having told us repeatedly to clean it up, my parents came in with large bags and started filling them up with everything on the floor. My mom says that we got it all back later, which I don’t remember, but I do remember that all of my life there has always been too much stuff.
My husband and I are both neat freaks but we have six kids so we are always fighting this battle. We have done the “Jesus only got 3 Christmas presents, and so do you” thing with our kids for several years now. Only one of the gifts is a toy or that type of thing. My mom and MIL have started “gifting” time with the kids like going on trips with Gma and Gpa, or a day at a water park. MIL said gifts recieved will be long forgotten but making memories like that will last a lifetime. Last year my teen boys went to the Grand Canyon. This year my girls went to Disney World.
I have a licensed home daycare and am required to have a large supply of toys, games, books and craft supplies, but there have been many days when I’ve thought how much I would love to get rid of it all. After weeks of tripping over enormous messes that the children created by dumping out every box of toys all over the play room, I removed several boxes of small toys and put them away. Now it is more managable so that the little ones can clean up and they don’t get so overwhelmed. I agree that removing the toys from the kids’ bedrooms was a good thing, too. Now only one room of the house gets messy – the play room.
I am still looking forward to be done with the “toy” stage of life.
Yolanda September 22, 2012 at 2:41 pm
This is a very interesting post. We raised 6 children (all wonderful adults now with messy kids of their own) and I struggled with the STUFF the whole time. The good thing was, when they grew up and moved away, then their things went with them. We tried to keep it under control with only mixed results. Like one responder above, a couple of my children had a lot of nostalgia connected with their things. It was all up and down through the years. That being said, I’m about to do this to MYSELF. Well, not exactly, but I am in line for a MAJOR streamlining fit.
Lynn September 24, 2012 at 7:29 pm
Every 6 months I purge my son’s toys, right before his birthday & Christmas, have done this since he was born & he is now 5. This past January we had to put one of our dogs down, my son was devastated. I had read in a magazine about a circle of friends that ask each guest to give $5 instead of a gift. And the child donates 1/2 of it to a charity of their choice, & the other 1/2 the child can do whatever they want with. So for his 5th birthday we asked that each guest give $5 instead of a toy. I got slack fom a couple people, but I heard a lot of praise fom others. My son donated 1/2 to Purdue Lafayette Small Animal Hospital (that is where we had to put our dog down), he picked out two toys, & put the rest of the money in his savings account. He played with the toys for a week, & then he got bored with them. A couple of weeks ago he asked if he could do the same thing next year for his birthday, & where should he donate to? It made me smile.
Kimberly September 28, 2012 at 12:41 pm
My husband emailed me the link to this blog post because it is what he has been saying for months/years! Our kids are 6, 3, 2 (with another on the way), and while we have given away 75-80% off their stuff, they still have too much. I did put a lot in the attic, for when they “wanted” it, but almost all has been forgotten. I’d like to think I’m brave enough to take away all the rest, putting it in the attic for awhile too. I’m afraid of the consequences, like you said, but the results that you describe sound amazing! Thank you for sharing!
Lydia September 28, 2012 at 1:12 pm
What are your “guidelines” for keeping or even purchasing a “toy.” My husband and I are in a season of simplifying and I was just wanting your input.
Ruth September 30, 2012 at 6:26 am
I haven’t purchased any toys since we did this and honestly I don’t think I will be purchasing any for a long, long time. The things that I did decide to keep were high-quality (no junky plastic) items that encourage imaginative or cooperative play, or are educational. I keep bins of Legos, dress-up, wooden trains, American Girl dolls, & play food/dishes for their kitchen in their closet, along with puzzles and board games. They can have these items down when they request them, but they have to clean up any previous messes first. The also each have a special blanket and 2 special stuffed animals (each) all the time. In our school room we have a ton of art supplies, many of which they can access on their own, and they always have access to books.
I did put several bins of stuff in the attic which is mostly licensed stuff like Littlest Pet Shop, Zsu Zsu Pets & Barbie Dolls, along with a box of “sentimental” items that were gifts or stuff I didn’t really want to get rid of. They have never asked for any of it so I will probably go through at some point and get rid of the non sentimental stuff.
Jenny September 29, 2012 at 12:13 am
I’ve got to know…didn’t your girls freak out? If someone got rid of all of my stuff I’d be so hurt and offended. I do agree that most kids have way too much stuff these days (my child included), but there has to be a healthy middle ground somewhere. Please tell me how they handled this.
Ruth September 30, 2012 at 6:14 am
Surprisingly, no, they really didn’t freak out at all. I had been warning them all morning that if they didn’t pick up, it was all going to go away and I think when I finally did it, they were almost relieved. (And a little shocked.) They cried for about 30 seconds (if that) and then they were fine, they even helped me get it all out of their room. Later that day, as we were driving to gymnastics, my then 5 year old even said, “Mommy, it’s okay that we don’t have our toys anymore because we can just read and use our imaginations, and now we won’t have to clean our room anymore.”
Leah April 3, 2013 at 5:05 am
Jenny, the difference is you’re an adult and most of your belongings you have probably paid for yourself and chosen yourself for a specific reason, and as an adult you know no-one else has the right to dictate what you can own (within law/reason). So naturally you would freak out if someone tried to take your stuff away. Children grow up (or should do, anyway) knowing their parents are ‘the boss’ and do have the right to dictate what they own (again, within reason). Also, most of the things they own they did not buy themselves with their own money – they were given them. My parents never did this take-away-all-the-toys thing, but aside from a few special toys that I was sentimentally attached to (I essentially viewed them as my own children!!), I was far more attached to things I had chosen and paid for with my own hard-earned money rather than things we had acquired as hand-me-downs from friends/family or things we’d been given as presents but never really used.
Plus, when kids have been warned it’s going to get taken away, they don’t exactly have any right to freak out when it actually happens!
Keep in mind also Ruth didn’t take all her girls’ stuff away – just the toys. They obviously still had all their clothes, furniture, books, and even colouring equipment.
Kristina @ Sew Curly October 4, 2012 at 2:04 pm
I LOVE this! We did a downscaled version of this when we noticed our girls were fighting more than usual. Turning off the tv and downsizing toys helped them to use their imagination and really interact with each other. Truly a blessing!
Kayli October 4, 2012 at 3:45 pm
Wow. Who’s going to take toys away from their children? That’s just terrible.
Scotti O. October 5, 2012 at 1:37 am
Perfect timing for me to run across this! I just got rid of almost everything of my 13 year old daughters today. At first she was furious but an hour or so later she actually looked relieved and by the end of the night she thanked me. I was already planning on doing my boys room tomorrow and this just solidifies my desire for less “stuff” and makes me feel a little less like a “nazi” mom as a few of my friends called me.
Erica Thomas October 8, 2012 at 6:42 pm
Hi, this is great! Children would rather play or practice doing the real things with parents. Chech out montessori services.com to get ideas. This method is very wholesome. I run my childcare like this.
Mel @ Trailing After God October 10, 2012 at 4:15 pm
Yes! I have been contemplating this for months. We have a playroom full of stuff, it’s always a mess and yet, they never play in it. We need to downsize on stuff in a major way. Being overwhelmed freezes me in my tracks. I don’t like it. It’s good for them to have a break from “stuff” just as it will be for me. Thank you for posting this.
dorry October 10, 2012 at 5:30 pm
I think the idea of not spoiling your children is GREAT! We live in one of the most materialistic countries on the planet. I’m not so sure I agree with the method here, but if it makes your life happy, then that’s good. I’m a believer that the best way to teach our children is by being their example.. So for example, what kind of cookware do you use? Is it nice? Couldn’t you do with something less. The bottom line here is we could ALL do with SOMETHING less. I’m not saying kids should have a ton of toys. Mine don’t. And we buy clothes at yardsales. My daughter gets excited over a box of hand-me-downs. I can only dream of having a space designated to “playroom”. We don’t visit places like Key West for sure. No ipads, tv, or kindles here. They have their toys, but the important part I think is that if they saw a child who was lonely or sad and had nothing, they would want to give something to them. If we make life about “well you really don’t need all this stuff”, how much do we ourselves really not need?
Misty October 12, 2012 at 3:09 am
My husband and I did this exact thing about a month ago! Amazing how great things were around here without all the toys to pick up and fight over! We began giving a thing or two back in the last couple weeks… BIG mistake!! My daughters room is a disaster again!! She is almost 8. We have noticed ungreatfulness too, not something that we have taught!!! I think this time, the toys will be going for good! There will be books, art supplies and two types of toys… thats all!! I also have baskets for types of toys and started that when my daughter and son were about 2 so that they could easily find, and put away toys. It SAVES time, since life IS short.
Great post!! THANKS!
Ginny G October 16, 2012 at 2:10 pm
What a wonderful post and so in line with what we try and do as a family!
My kids are 2 and 11 months and while I haven’t taken away all their toys they have very few and will continue to have very few. We have many books, blocks, a few dress up items and a little play kitchen with a few items. I also recycled old formula cans, shoe boxes, yogurt containers etc to become their kitchen items. It’s turned out to be much better for us!
I also decided to turn OFF the TV during the day back in January. I had it on just to have it on and it was pointless. After I turned it off my toddler kept asking for it to be on. I didn’t realize that she was actually watching it and felt she needed it on too.
This was a wake up call and I knew I was doing the right thing. After a week we got used to it and our “addiction” to it went away. That was 10 months ago and we’re still going strong! We now fill our time cooking, building towers and reading.
During birthdays we ask that any money people were going to our girls to buy a gift, give to a specific thing we wrote about in the birthday party invitation. When our first daughter turned 1 we asked they give money to our church because we wanted a playground for our little ones but it wasn’t in the budget. The whole time our church was raising money by donation. Shortly thereafter the playground was built and our girls will enjoy it for years to come. For her second birthday we asked the money be given to her to donate through Kiva.org. Kiva is a wonderful organization helping people in other countries who don’t have access to banks or resources to start their own businesses but want to make something of themselves and a good life for their family. She got $250 and was able to help 4 separate people and when she gets paid back from them she’ll pick others to give to.
Christmas is harder though. I haven’t found a nice way to ask people to do something else. Actually our parents are the problem, our sweet moms in fact. They go all out crazy for Christmas and I hate it. I don’t want to hurt their feelings but I don’t know what to say (they’re both gift givers and toy lovers). I would like to limit it to 3 items per child (instead of 6 or more they each get) if not only 1 gift. In our home we give one gift. We focus more on experiences than things. And as the girls get older we’re going to do more missions wise. I.e. Operation Christmas Child, food pantry’s, giving our time to serve others, etc. We ask for a zoo membership to our local zoo and would rather have families do something similar. But we’re not sure how to ask.
Hilary Dorr October 17, 2012 at 2:10 pm
This is awesome. I love it. We recently downsized our toys and got rid of a lot of stuff. We kept blocks, dolls and doll clothes, dress up stuff, play tools, and play kitchen stuff. As I type that, it still sounds like a lot, but let me tell you, it’s a LOT better than it was.
I appreciate you writing this blog to let others know how great it is to just get rid of stuff.
Thank you!
Vappu October 23, 2012 at 4:12 pm
Interesting post! Our daughter (3 years old) didn’t have tons of toys to begin with, but our family lost nearly all of our belonging to a bad mold issue in our old home. There was only one thing she really missed, and I was able to replace, her favorite stuffed cat she had picked out for herself. (She doesn’t know it’s not the exact same one though.) We later asked what she wanted to have that she used to have, and we would get it for her. She has asked for a toy stroller for her cat and some lego. She has a few more toys now, but she mostly plays with a couple of her favorites. A lot of her play is imaginary play involving the most random things, or “crafting” with paper, glue, scissors… We also read A LOT and she does watch tv from the internet while I’m on the computer (she sits in my lap so she isn’t alone).
I already knew she wasn’t very attached to things. She has refused to choose a free gift for example. Once running errands in the city, I asked her if she wanted to go to the toy store. “No mom, let’s just go home!” was her response. At Christmas last year she didn’t get that much, but at half point of opening her gifts she claimed: “This is the last one!” and she wanted to give away some of the toys she got. She will sometimes give something to me and say that she doesn’t need it and we should give it some other child. So I’m really, REALLY trying to make the point to family and friends to not give her toys. They will probably end up being donated as she just won’t play with them.
I love the “three gifts because that’s how many Jesus got” – but we actually won’t be giving our daughter three gifts yet, because she will get from others as well. Later perhaps we will give three but it won’t be all toys. She is only now starting to “get” birthdays, and has wishes. She wants glue and glitter (oh dear…) and a camera. Yes, she has been talking about the camera… she used to have my old pocket camera. So I think we will get her a small pocket camera for her birthday, and that’s it. She is turning four.. but all she wants is to create stuff (and read). She has not talked about wanting one single toy.
We are doing the Christmas child gift boxes and she is excited about that
So I definitely want to focus more on giving, less on receiving.
We are pretty minimalist as a family, and now more than ever since the mold stuff.. and it’s definitely a relief that she doesn’t want to have a lot of stuff, and doesn’t hang on to every thing.
Heather - Dollar Store Crafts November 5, 2012 at 4:57 pm
Just wanted to let you know I linked to your post today over at Dollar Store Mom! http://dollarstoremom.com/2012/11/simplify-take-away-all-kids-toys/
amanda November 5, 2012 at 11:09 pm
I would LOVE to throw away all of my kids toys. I can see now that with the exception of a few toys they can get something new and play with it for a day at most then its forgotten. The thing that bothers me the most is that they fight constantly over the same exact thing only for one kid to finally get it then lose interest. Drives me nuts.
Kimiad November 8, 2012 at 4:40 pm
Great story! It makes me want to throw away everything I own. I notice when I travel for business what an immense relief it is to be in a hotel room where there are empty tabletops, a clear desk, and only the clothes I brought with me in the closet. I sleep like a baby in hotel rooms, but at home I can’t rest – there is so much to be done just to clean and maintain the house that I can’t relax.
concerned Father November 11, 2012 at 12:19 am
I wonder how many things you should throw out of your house that are “entirely unessential.”
Perhaps even the computer that you are typing on. It seems that you punish your children for using their stuff inappropriately (such as playing with their toys and God forbid doing so with more than one at a time and leaving them on the floor) and I wonder if you shouldn’t also consider your inappropriate use of your luxuries. Tell me what things adorn your house that only clutter or that only serve to please you. It seems to me that your children had at times had a difficult time with responsibility, though you admit that you have moments of impulsiveness.
You began this blog as a shoppoholic??? Where did you kids ever adopt this mentality of consumerist materialism? How long did it take you to address this issue in your life and what makes you think that your kids will over come it so easily? You do understand that they are not psychologically even capable of understanding the values that you are enforcing in their lives? In fact it would only seem that you are enforcing negative ones (hypocrisy). Let them learn from you! Prove that you can do it in your life first. Teach through example, not through coercion or you are in for some trouble.
Anonymous April 3, 2013 at 5:31 am
Do you really believe we should not discipline and teach our children until our own lives are perfect? What an awful society we would live in in that case!
Ruth had already told her girls multiple times to clean their rooms, told them what the consequence would be, and they still didn’t do it. That is a very simple sequence of events and they look old enough to have fully understood what was expected and what was going to happen. This is not coercion, it is consequences, something every member of society deals with and far too many children do not learn these days. Parents who expect their children to just follow their good example without any discipline and teaching are the ones who are “in for some trouble”!!
And what do you mean “they are not psychologically even capable of understanding the values that you are enforcing in their lives”?? Do you think children retain the psychological capabilities of a 1 year old until they are 12? This quote from Ruth’s daughter proves you are wrong: “it’s okay that we don’t have any more toys Mommy. We can just read and use our imaginations. And now we won’t have to clean up every day.” So yes, they definitely understood the values she was teaching them: that it is not important to have lots of toys because we can entertain ourselves and lead a simpler life without them.
Leah April 3, 2013 at 5:32 am
Sorry, didn’t mean to sign that as ‘Anonymous’
June February 9, 2013 at 10:27 am
I didn’t have a positive reaction to the children’s a few weeks later and not making any request. Instead it felt like an emotionally abusive parent who didn’t physically touch them, but scarred their heart and made them feel unsafe to ask for even the smallest toy because it would affect their home and life. I’m sorry, I don’t believe extremism is the right answer. Going too far either way in everything in life is wrong. Sorry, it’s how the story made me feel.
Chelsie April 2, 2013 at 2:01 am
I felt the same way! This type of parenting seems extreme and borderline abusive to me. Children don’t need tons of toys to be happy, I get that… But even taking their comforters, that I don’t get. Making a child scared to ask for a toy isn’t impressive.
Leah April 3, 2013 at 5:40 am
You need a reality check on abuse if you think this is borderline abusive. The girls still have access to some toys, they have their books, colouring equipment, they are clothed, fed, loved, nurtured, and you dare suggest ‘abuse’ comes into this? What a joke. You need a serious reality check. Try seeing what a real abusive home is. And the idea that the girls were scared to ask for a toy or felt unsafe… that makes me laugh. It is a sad world when adults can’t comprehend that children can learn to enjoy life without copious amounts of toys. Did you miss the paragraphs that said the girls don’t even want most of their toys back? They know they are there, and that they can get them out one at a time, but most of them they do not even want. Did you miss the parts that said they are happier, more patient, more creative? I suggest re-reading the entire section ‘Paradigm Shift’.
Anonymous May 17, 2013 at 10:08 pm
Leah, not all abuse comes in the form of bruises and hurtful comments. I would agree that this is abuse in the sense that Ruth is clearly the type of person who needs to control everything. I find it just as abusive to never teach your children how to think and make decisions for themselves. Yes, taking away the toys when they wouldn’t pick them up, that was great. Not allowing them to earn them back or at least choose for themselves which ones to keep? What’s the point in having mind. I had a dear friend with mother like Ruth…who then ended up with a controlling husband who turned into an abuser. Teach your kids how to think for themselves and, yes, teach them to be happier with less. Lead by example. Sincerely, Ruthie (because I never met someone who went by Ruth that wasn’t a control freak)
amy February 16, 2013 at 6:45 pm
Hi Ruth,
I need some ideas. My kids are asking me to take away their toys – we have a big toy room and they hate cleaning it up. BUT my husband thinks I’m crazy and that it’s mean. Any suggestions how I can convince him.
ALSO what do you do with all the papers that the kids generate – meaning art and pictures? I never have time for scrapbooking! Would it be OK to throw them out? Right now they are thrown into a drawer per child, but guess what, the drawer is overflowing! I feel overwhelmed by stuff!! Help!
Ruth Soukup March 8, 2013 at 2:04 pm
As far as your husband is concerned–perhaps you could make a compromise. Box up the 80% or so of the toys they don’t really play with and put them in the garage or basement or attic. Tell your husband that if they ask for something specific, you will give it back, but whatever they go a month without missing, you will give away. I did that our first go-round and my husband had a much easier time with it. Now he is as gung-ho as I am!
Regarding the papers….my strategy is to have a big bin in their closet that I put most of the papers and artwork into. When it gets full I keep the best ones in a 2nd keepsake bin and toss the rest. It’s okay to throw out the ones that aren’t that special. I also toss stuff as we go along–anything they didn’t put a lot of effort into goes in the trash right away.
Hope that helps, so sorry for taking so long to respond!
Lesley April 4, 2013 at 12:35 am
I have been reading a book about organizing small spaces and loved the suggestion made about children’s school papers, etc. She said each school year collect the papers and art in a box. At the end of the year, the parent and the child go through the papers together choosing their favorites that will fit in one yellow manilla envelope. Also for any science projects, large artwork, etc. you take a picture of the art or the child with the project, then print it and put the pic in that yellow envelope. Don’t forget awards and certificates! Then label the envelope with the child’s name and grade in school. Keep all the envelopes in a box to give your child after they leave home. It’s a box of their memories!
Ann April 11, 2013 at 4:47 pm
This is such a great idea. We did something similar with our children but didn’t do the manilla envelope. We had a keepsake box for each child and when they had a special paper I would put the date on the back and put it in the box. It turned out great, but the manilla envelopes idea is an improvement.
ashley February 18, 2013 at 2:59 pm
I did not read all the comments and I see this is an older story but I wanted to add my 2 cents. My husband and I worked and we had 2 small children and every weekend we would do something with the kids which included buying them junk they did not need. I decided one morning with no planing to quit my job of 6 six years to stay home with my babies. Boy was I in for a shock. I didn’t realize how much we spent on things that we didn’t need and no longer working we couldn’t buy things like we once had. I, like you saw first hand on my 3 year old what getting everything she wanted had really cost. She felt like she deserved everything all the time and that was my fault. I have been home 9 months now and have spent the last 4 on a journey to simplify our home and life, this has been super hard as I am a shopaholic by nature. What a hard year but the difference in my oldest now 4 is amazing. She is very overwhelmed with her room and toys and I may just go thru and donate half and put the rest on a rotation like others did. I think you are doing your children right and they will thank you when they are older if not now.
{darlene} @ fieldstonehilldesign February 25, 2013 at 4:32 pm
Hi Ruth! I am super excited to connect to you… especially since we are going to be Blissdom Roomies! SO SO nice to meet you!
So this post. Wow. WOW. Can I just tell you that this post pierces me in a beautiful way.
I, like you did, feel my children slipping into that deep cliff of “not enough. not enough. not enough.” And I want to rescue them from it? Why?? Because I slip down it all the time. And it IS a pit! One where the devourer leaves unsatisfied. When I decided to leave a comment to tell you how much this post means to me, and how encouraged I am that I CAN make a difference for my kids’ benefits… I was taken aback at some of the negative comments you got. But then again…I reflect on the commenter that said, “If I took away all their stuff, I would have to take away mine.” Here is the thing. We are SPOILED in this country… and at the same time, so so sad. The countries that rate the highest for depression are the richest; the happiest? Those with nothing. I feel this Rich poison in our own home, and your post simply encouraged me that I CAN do something about it. I CAN simplify. {I liked Elizabeth Langford’s idea of rotating toys to minimize!}. Thank you for writing this and I really can’t wait to chat with you about it in person!
Ruth Soukup March 8, 2013 at 1:59 pm
Darlene, I am SO SO excited to meet you at Blissdom as well, and WOW it sounds like we definitely have a LOT to talk about! This post was written last September but in the past 6 months I have only been more convicted of the need to just have less–both for my kids and myself. Can’t wait to chat in person–less than 2 weeks now!
xoxo
Danielle March 7, 2013 at 6:39 am
Loved this post! I struggle with this and so do my boys! I would love to take away all their toys but I am not sure I have the guts to do it! Something for me to think about for sure!
Brooke Phillips March 9, 2013 at 10:56 am
Ruth this post is so so close to what I’ve been trying to do for years and just haven’t taken the plunge! Makes me want to sit down and have awesome talks with you that I had at Blissdom two years ago!! Miss you
Kris March 11, 2013 at 8:45 pm
Do you think it would have worked if you only had one child? Your girls have each other to play with, what if they didn’t?
Erin March 20, 2013 at 8:42 pm
I guess my question is what you think about this with regards to younger children? Like toddlers? My 14 month old daughter is so difficult to keep entertained all day. I’d be interested in doing this, but I think I would end up having to sit with her all day so she didn’t get bored! Ha ha.
Susan March 22, 2013 at 11:36 pm
I got rid of a bunch of my 17 month old daughter’s toys (the plastic junk) and she doesn’t even realize it. She has so much more fun with adult stuff anyways. She plays with my necklaces, bowls in the cabinet, chopsticks from the drawers, ribbons, shoes, etc.
Check out Reggio inspired play ideas at http://www.letthechildrenplay.net/
Laurie March 22, 2013 at 11:48 am
We have always talked about money with our kids. Like Daddy has to work one hour so you can have this, is it worth it? My kids do have an excess in stuff and when they were little we had issues with them breaking stuff. When we moved a few months ago…. oops more than 1/2 their stuff made it’s way to the thrift store. I agree that they do like having less. I find that even my 12 year old sits with the littles to play legos, they go outside more and definitely more happy. My kids never ask for things in stores simply because they are aware that we are a little tight on money…. and if they really love it will get is as a gift later. I think teaching children about money and how much it takes to get it also needs to be taught. I think what you did with your children was wonderful!
Christina March 24, 2013 at 3:40 pm
Just now reading this, but about a month ago I took away all my son’s toys as well. For the same reason, he didn’t want to pick them up. I feel it has helped him learn to appreciate what little bit he does have.
Nicole Young March 28, 2013 at 9:33 pm
I was sort of on the fence about this, but I think that I may try something similar-one small bit of toys in their rooms and then keep a few boxes of toys upstairs on rotation. We moved a year or so ago, and when we get those toys that were boxed up and put upstairs out, it’s like christmas. And really, there are not that many toys that my children would play with. You know, toys that come in every happy meal in the USA, the busted ones, the toys and games that are missing bits and pieces…when a space is clean and uncluttered, you feel more at peace. We are a nation of hoarders. This is a positive way to counter that tendency.
Anastasia @ eco-babyz March 29, 2013 at 9:46 am
I’ve been slowly purging all year long last year, but THIS is what we really need! Thank you for the inspiration! It’s too bad this wouldn’t happen. I just wouldn’t be able to. But this is the most convincing post I’ve read to realize we need to get rid of their toys. Truth is, they only play with about 20% of the toys, I need to aim at keeping just those 20% and using a rotation so that they only have 10% of all the toys to play with at any given time! Need to schedule that donation truck to force myself to do it.
Betsy March 30, 2013 at 12:28 pm
First of all… Thank you so much for this post. We are in the middle of a move and I think this has given me the extra kick to purge a lot of the excess ‘stuff’ my family and I have that seems to be causing more stress than enjoyment. My question is, as a homeschooling mom, like myself, where do you draw the line? I often look through catalogs (like Discount School Supply and Lakeshore) and I fall in love with love with all this stuff that I think the kids ‘need.’ I am trying to keep my list of acceptable toys to keep to a minimum (Legos, wooden blocks, a few cars, costumes, animals, dollhouse and books) but then I feel all this other stuff is already sneaking in… How did you stand your ground? Do you do a rotation of ‘other’ toys that are stored in a closet, or somewhere else? Any words of wisdom or advice would be amazing!
Arlene March 30, 2013 at 1:23 pm
Completely understand. Although I have 2 kids. I took all their toys away. Its less of a distraction. The only things they have now are 2-3 small toys that u can carry around and coloring books. I see a change in attitude and when we go to the store they ask politely to play with one toy and when shopping is over we would put them back on the shelf. no crying or screaming. i feel my kids are more well behaved compared to other children their age.
Natalia March 30, 2013 at 4:25 pm
I think this is brilliant! So wonderful to hear! I think today’s kids have way way too much stuff. Just stuff too, that most of the time they aren’t even aware they have! My boys go without a lot and we very rarely buy them new things, so we’re already pretty minimalist. Each year I go through their stuff and throw things away they don’t need. I love it. And they’re creative happy boys! I think this is genius and I almost want to get rid of all my kids toys just because! Thanks for sharing!
Olive R Brooklyn March 31, 2013 at 2:11 am
I personally APPLAUDE your advanced parenting skills! I struggle with the daily arguments “pick up after yourself”… ” stop fighting over the toys and share” and “no I will not buy that, you have enough and don’t need it” however I make empty threats that are ignored and laughed at and I am left feeling bad for not giving in and buying the world! Thank you so much for being a brave confident mother and sharing a true story that has worked out well for you.
Jess Broadway April 1, 2013 at 12:53 pm
I am to the point of doing this with my youngest two sons, ages 2 & 4. They have so much junk they are out of room to store it all. I will likely get rid of most of it, keeping only their car collection (I enjoy letting them each choose a new hot wheels car when they behave during shopping trips) and their mega blocks. I will let them keep all of the outside toys, but I do need to find a storage solution for those, I’m waiting for someone to break their neck trying to get to the front door. I’m pretty lenient with the use of tablets because they learn so much from the games they play. I can’t wait to see what the reaction will be
Erica April 2, 2013 at 10:12 am
I want to do something similar to this so badly, but the one thing stopping me is our extended family. We have 4 grandparents, 7 great-grandparents, and 7 aunts and uncles to our kids right here in town. Almost everything my children have comes from these people. I would be getting rid of gifts that our family gave them. I know it’s my kids, and my choice, but that makes it hard. Just this past Easter my children each got 5 (!) Easter baskets filled with stuff from family. How do you handle that? How do you let these people who love them so much know that they don’t need their gifts?
Leah April 3, 2013 at 5:23 am
I think this sounds great and don’t understand why people are criticising you. You warned your girls what would happen if they didn’t clean up their room, and followed through with it. It’s not like they didn’t have a chance to prevent it. This is the problem with children today – parents who threaten to do something and don’t follow through. And parents who think you’re horrible if you do actually follow through (enriching their lives in the long run!)
I don’t yet have children but I have been thinking for a few years now on the kinds of standards I want to have in my house and for my children. And ‘not many toys’ is one of them! I want them to have toys which encourage their creativity and imagination, which educate and develop useful skills, or which encourage them to be active outdoors. This might include things like paints, sketch pads, skipping ropes, lego, hula hoops, etc. I also would rather they have fewer good-quality items than copious amounts of rubbish plastic toys. I think toys can be an important part of a child’s development so am not really interested in a ‘no toy’ existence (and despite your heading, it sounds to me like you’d probably agree, as you’ve obviously left your girls their books and colouring items, and have kept toys that you think are good for them!) But I hope that when I do have kids my extended family puts thought into useful and creative presents which don’t just add to an accumulating pile of toys.
I have been trying to teach my husband that kids do not need lots of toys to be kept occupied. We see children in public who are misbehaving and he thinks it’s because their parents haven’t brought along enough toys to keep them occupied (and this is a concept his mother reinforces). I try to explain that parents should not be required to provide entertainment for their kids every waking hour of the day and children should be taught to behave when they are out and make their own entertainment (obviously this varies depending on where you are and how old your children are. Babies and toddlers often do need things to keep them occupied!). I think he is slowly coming round!
Shawna April 3, 2013 at 2:03 pm
I’ve taken my kids toys away from them and its worked beautifully. Not to mention, allowed me to spend less time overseeing their room cleanup! It’s amazing what a little purge can bring. Good for you, and even better for your children! They will appreciate the time you spend together much more than the things they have accumulated.
Judith April 3, 2013 at 5:39 pm
Thank you! I have been wanting to box up the kids toys for months now, but haven’t had the guts. After reading this, I’m going to pick up some boxes on the way home. I am so done. I can’t even have company over because it takes me 3 days to clean my house and put up toys and ‘stuff’. And now I’m pregnant with a surprise 4th child to add into the mix. Claustophobic doesn’t even come close to describing how I feel in my house. I, too, am a recovering compulsive shopper, which adds another layer in all of this. Thank you Thank you Thank you.
Cambria April 4, 2013 at 9:36 am
To balance out what I can only imagine must be negative reactions, may I just say bravo to you. I’m not a parent, but I find this completely inspired and you very brave. Thank you for sharing.
Jennifer April 4, 2013 at 11:31 am
This is the first post I’ve read of yours but I already love you. Bold moves are what makes a difference in our families! I read a lot of critical responses from people, but I think its great! Every year at Christmas we give away toys for kids who might not get anything at Christmas. But I know we could and should do more to simplify. I just read “Cleaning House” by Kay Wyma and we’re working on getting our 5 and 8 year old learning to do things like dishes, cooking, serving others. But soon I need to make a bold move like this to cut back on stuff and screen time. Its tricky because I have a chronic illness and sometimes the screen time helps me get through a tough day. But they really do get more creative when they get “bored”. Keep on doing good work as a mom! Your kids are very blessed!
Tina April 4, 2013 at 3:32 pm
So ironic that I stumbled across your post. I smiled the entire time I was reading it and I thank you, thank you for sharing your experiences. I seem to be right where you are in life, contemplating all the same things:) Your blog is a terrific motivator!
Trudi April 5, 2013 at 7:58 pm
Totally love this post! Simple!
Melissa April 5, 2013 at 8:27 pm
I love this post. I am sooo getting close to doing this same thing. I agree that kids don’t need to have a lot of toys. With too much stuff, my kids don’t use their imaginations because they can just pull out what they need instead of improvise. I want them to challenge themselves and use their imaginations. I am definitely going to try this. We have a mom to mom sale coming up where I can sell most of it! I also love the update you posted. It is good to know it is still continuing to work.
Ruth April 5, 2013 at 9:59 pm
I can imagine that this has been a difficult post for you to write. Some will agree and cheer you on yet others will disagree, criticize, and judge you unfairly. It is what happens when we openly share our lives on public forums. But I say good for you!!!! Ultimately, no one else knows what is best for your family. If you and your husband agree, and you see the fruit in your children than that is all that truly matters. Good for you for standing up for what is best for your family!!
Ruth
Alejandra April 7, 2013 at 3:40 pm
Ruth, I just came across this page in messy room frustration. Immediately after reading this blog, I went in to my girls room, sat down and said “I know you don’t want to clean your room and I think it’s because you just have to much stuff and you don’t know where to start. How about we put most of your toys in bins and take them to the attic. Once a month we’ll switch it out.” I had my mouth half open and ready to start convincing them when they both shot up and said “OKAY!” Took out a bin from their closet and started dumping toys in. The oldest even said she would like to move the books from the bookcase and get rid of the bookcase altogether to have more room!!! My kids left me speechless! I am a very happy mom. Thank you!
Alejandra April 7, 2013 at 7:42 pm
Small update: the room cleanup is complete! I am in shock and in awe of my girls, 6 & 8. I have never in my life seen them move as fast as they did today. You would think we were going to Disney World. They filled 7, yes 7 bins worth of stuff ALL of their Barbies except 5, Barbie closet in tow and left 1, just 1 shelf of toys. It was shocking to watch them dragging the bins to the garage. My oldest said “You know mom, I’m starting to think its better when you don’t have alot of stuff.”!!!
If you stop to think how overwhelmed WE get when we have to clean house, imagine what that’s like for a 6 year old. I’m very happy to have come across this article Ruth, thank you again. I am also happy that I involved my girls in the decision and watched them fly. I have a hunch that they aren’t even going to miss anything and eventually end up donating most of it. Now, on to teddy bears!
Trista April 9, 2013 at 11:02 am
Hi, Ruth! I just found your blog and think you’re simply wonderful! I really appreciate your sense of humor about raising kids
I have an 18 month old little boy, and he’s an angel, but I’ve gotten sucked into buying him a new toy at least once a week – and it’s getting ridiculous! He’s the only grandchild on both sides, so he gets spoiled by everyone in the family. I have decided from this day forward that we’re going to do a purge of his toy box and donate all the things he doesn’t need/play with/even know he has. I have gone through tons of your posts (I especially like the parenting ones since I’m learning how to be the mother of a toddler!) and will be checking back regularly! Thanks for posting!!!
Alysa April 9, 2013 at 9:07 pm
Just found this on Pinterest. LOVE IT! It is so great to see someone with their priorities straight!
Anonymous April 9, 2013 at 11:13 pm
I think that is so great!! Both adults and kids alike become so attached to STUFF….material things that absolutely do not matter. I applaud you, and what you have done for your family
Kevin April 10, 2013 at 9:15 pm
it seems that all of the parenting things that we learn from others experiences are things we tend to know deep down in our hearts and once we implement them I feel as if I always knew them just didn’t trust my instinct.
Melissa April 11, 2013 at 7:50 am
Ruth, Know that you are not alone in this! We went a few steps further to Clothing. So not only did I pack up the “Toy Room” and make that into a guest room but i also went through the gazillion clothes they had. I ended up taking 12 leaf lawn garbage bags to Good Will (YES 12). It is a struggle to keep the clothes to a minimum with 6 people in the house and still feel like they can express themselves through the clothes that they have. However they appreciate the ones that they do have now and take care of them.
Abbie April 11, 2013 at 11:34 am
Wow! I’m so amazed that somebody else out there believes that children now a days are more concerned with what the next person has or what they don’t have rather than what they do. I constantly talk to my 3 brothers n mom about how we weren’t allowed to watch T.V. and had to use our imaginations to play. One because we couldn’t afford luxuries because my mom was going to school, and two because my mom was so hung up on enjoying the natural things in life (she; however, had a huge advantage because she lived on a mountain and free range). I try and teach my three year old daughter that she doesn’t need a toy that we have a wonderful park right acroos the street with a jungle gym that she gets to share with her little friends. And, I too, do not that she does not have a closet full of toys, nor does she have a T.V. that she sits and watches all day long. Being a 28year old mom, I too am able to enjoy the outdoors because playing with her allows me to be healthy and fit. So with that said, I enjoyed reading your blog! Keep up the great work, that the only people raising your children is your husband and yourself!
Michelle Jones April 11, 2013 at 11:35 am
I think it’s a brilliant solution. You followed through with a promised consequence, and that’s completely fair. Just this week I decided that the kids will only be allowed on electronics on Saturdays and even then it would be limited. Since establishing and maintaining that rule, my older girls (age 11 and 8) decided to use their free time to write their first “novels”. I told them that if they completed and illustrated their books, I would “publish” them (aka print them off into a hard-bound book via my publisher.com or equivalent. It’s been so fun listening to them bounce ideas off each other and draw sketches of their characters.
I have realized that my children (including my younger two daughters, age 2 and 4) play MORE when they have LESS! When there are too many toys, they get disinterested and want me to entertain them. I have been planning a gigantic purging of their things for a while now, but your post inspired me to get it DONE. Thank you.
Shannon April 11, 2013 at 4:54 pm
Hi Ruth,
I wanted to commend you and thank you for posting this–I know it takes a lot of courage to post anything about parenting. I really appreciated your insight into this. I am finding myself agreeing with you about this. My boys have a TON of toys and it seems that the more they receive, the more they want. I know the toys are given with good intentions and with a kind heart, but I think my boys really only play with a handful of their toys. We bagged some of my oldest son’s toys up and “hid” them in our basement for a while because he refused to clean up his room and he really hasn’t missed them at all. We are moving in six weeks or so and I’m thinking there will be quite a few toys that make it into the give away pile. I love the idea of keeping only those toys that actually stimulate creative thought and play. Just wanted to send you a little encouragement and let you know that I appreciated your frankness. Blessings to you, Ruth!
–Shannon
Laurien April 11, 2013 at 5:08 pm
Thank you for this post! It was shared with me when I posted in a fb group about being at that “breaking point” with my daughter. I felt that the overwhelm of stuff was a distraction, not only from productive and healthy behavior, but also from respectful interaction between my daughter and me. I’m a believer!
Nataliya April 12, 2013 at 7:28 am
I did not have time to read all the comments, but what is very qurious for me is what was the process of “winning” the things back for the girls? I am namy time close to the point of performing a similar action with my kids staff, partially because of the cleaning, particlaly, because they have way too much and what is even worth, kid’s things occupy 80 % of our living space and there seem to be no end to their wishes. So, once I have emprissoned all their staffed animals. But I have not managed the giving back process as they will need at least some of the things to play with. Another question: when you packed things away, which of the things stayed? were that only books and coloring books? Looking forward for advice
Rachel Self April 12, 2013 at 9:40 am
Just stumbled on your blog when a friend shared in on facebook, and I have to say I LOVE this article! My husband and I are newlyweds, and hoping to start our little family soon.
And this just really inspired me. We don’t have a lot of money, so I’ve actually worried that we won’t be able to buy our kids tons of nice toys. This post literally almost made me cry, thinking of how beautiful life with our children can be…BECAUSE we don’t have all those toys. Thanks so much for sharing, and for inspiring me to live a little simpler.
Now, I just may spend my weekend getting rid of some things I don’t need.
KC @ The Real Thing with the Coake Family April 12, 2013 at 11:19 am
I need to do something like this. Our kids have too much stuff and their wanting/begging for more all the time drives me nuts. Not sure I would get rid of everything, but I would love to get rid of half of it. Thanks for the food for thought and sharing how it went for you and your family.
KC
Amanda April 12, 2013 at 11:25 am
This is the best blog post ever!!!! oh i would so love to do this but my husband is a hoarder when it comes to the kids toys.
Dennice April 14, 2013 at 3:20 am
Such an awesome idea! I feel as though my girls are happiest when they are without toys or electronics and simply using their imaginations. I have wanted to purge so badly, but have never gotten around to it. I think it’s time though. This will be my project this coming week. Thank you for sharing this!
Kristen April 14, 2013 at 7:52 am
I just read this thought the other day and wish I could remember the source… Anyway, it was like this “what comes out of another’s mouth has everything to do with where they are at and nothing to do with you” … It was about criticism and harshness. That really made me think… When people are unkind, it is about their own selves and not really about you. I think any negative comments you have gotten on this post can be viewed in this light. By the way, I recently started blogging at krysiasunflowers.blogspot.com. Women like you have been an inspiration to me and I believe The Lord has placed I on my heart to encourage other women… We need more of that in this day and age! I so appreciate your willingness to step out and share:). May The Lord bless and keep you!
Martha April 14, 2013 at 2:48 pm
Oooooooooh Love this post!!! I did it over 20 years ago to my son!!! The best thing I ever did. I then limited his gifts at Christmas to only 3 and one had to be book! Another great post!!!
Gabe April 15, 2013 at 1:14 pm
I loved this post, and so did my husband. Years ago I packed up all of the kid’s toys into bins (and got rid of a bunch) and limited what they had access to, but we still have too much. I read this to my kids (7 of them, ages 13-1 1/2) they thought it was a great idea and wanted to go right to their rooms to clear out the stuff. I need to figure out what this will look like for the older kids though, they have less toys and more tools for their hobbies and projects. We want to encourage their growth and learning but these things too must be limited and kept under control.
Sherry April 16, 2013 at 8:10 pm
Toys and stuff are good, in moderation. As a mom and grandma, we adults know we have only ourselves to blame for this mess we have gotten ourselves into, also known as too many toys. My daughters, who had their share of toys, were not lacking in imagination or appreciation, nor did they have a case of the greedies when it came to toys. One toy came in, one toy went out, sometimes two. Simple. If you don’t buy it, or allow it to be given, it isn’t a problem. I controlled their toys. I am the mama.
My daughter, who has my grandchildren, is a smart girl. She keeps most of their children’s toys, also known as the “stuff” in their living room, in neat bins and shelves, in a section dedicated to play. That way she monitors their play, she and her husband can interact and show them how to use their toysin both traditional and in new ways, but she can keep track of what they really need and what is wasteful. While it sure wouldn’t make the “cut” of these house beauty blogs, where do these play at, I wonder? I consider her to be one smart mama.
I, personally, would have never went in and swiped their stuff from my girls rooms to teach them or show them, or force them into finding “joy outside” (we already had joy, we lived in the country
), nor would it have made their imaginations any greater. My smart phone, my internet/computer, my blog surfing, television, etc.are not different than what our kids have. These mentioned things are our stress relievers and kids need theirs. No one is swiping my stuff. 
Again, each person has a way of doing what they think is best for them and their kids.
angela April 17, 2013 at 12:12 am
thank you…loved this. thank you for sharing your life and your journey. now time for me to get rid of my “toys” that distract so much.
Susan April 17, 2013 at 11:16 pm
A friend passed this article along to me because she thought I would appreciate it. And I do!
I have a history or being a cluttered hoarder, and then got to a crisis point when I became so overwhelmed when my second baby was born, and turned to minimalism. How freeing! I’ve got rid of half our non-furniture possessions in the last two years, and want to halve the rest. If we don’t use it, we don’t need it.
I’ve been getting rid of toys, too. My second baby is now 2 1/2, and I’ve got rid of a bucket full of baby/toddler toys that neither the first two kids played with in that time, so I figure my third child can live without them! And, because I want less toys for my kids, I don’t buy them any. They are quite satisfied with what they have, and I get quite stuck around birthdays and Christmas on what to buy them! I’m not restricting them at all, just rolling with the punches of what they want to do. Mostly, it doesn’t involve toys, and never really has.
My next challenge: my third is a girl, after two boys. Does this mean all new toys? How do I convince the relatives (the source of most toys) that she doesn’t need a mountain of ‘girl’ toys, just a few dolls, because girls can play with lego too?
ps. I’m not being at all hypocritical not buying stuff for my kids, or getting rid of stuff, because I started with my own things and it’s gone from there. I often involve my older boy in decluttering, because he’s old enough to understand.
Jessica Villmer April 18, 2013 at 11:40 pm
Love it.
We have been doing something similar to your project simplify this year, and although I have been horrible at blogging about it, it has really shaken me to the core. As you mentioned above, you sometimes just want to buy more even though you are trying to get rid of things and live with less. That resonates with me. As we continue to “simplify”, I still continue to want and buy, but God(and my husband’s friendly reminders)are working, slowly but surely, to help me to be satisfied and content in less.
I think I might just begin purging lots of toys before my children are old enough to know a difference!
Thanks for the inspiration.
Jess Villmer
Trudi L. April 20, 2013 at 5:42 pm
I didn’t grow up with lots of toys (well, at least not as compared with kids today). My parents could have afforded to give us lots of playthings, but chose to keep things simple. Instead, my brother and I spent lots of time in the great out of doors playing in the fresh air and sunshine on good days or reading/drawing/creating on rainy/yucky days. I don’t feel that I missed out on “things” in the least little bit. We experienced things.
Sometime last year I also rounded up all of my kids’ toys (minus favorite dolls and a few stuffed animals), stuck them in the attic and waited to see what happened. They were fine. They didn’t complain about not having toys, didn’t gripe, and have only occasionally mentioned that they’d like to have certain boxes down again so I let them play with them for a little while and then back up they go. They draw, make cards, make forts, swim, ride bikes, invent things, climb trees, listen to stories, read… When they want things now, they buy them with their own money. My daughter just bought an American Girl wannabe doll and my son bought an RC helicopter. They seem to take better care of the things they had to work to get.
Peggy April 20, 2013 at 8:55 pm
Don’t listen to the negative people. You are awesome!! I’ve dreamed of doing just this for years (kids are 6, 5, and 3.) but am really a hoarder at heart. I don’t think I can get rid of their stuff without getting rid of mine too, but their stuff is rarely used, if ever. I feel guilty whenever I get rid of their toys, especially because hubby and I both had moms who kept ALL of our childhood stuff, so a lot of my kids’ stuffed animals and toys were originally mine! I find myself getting them things I wished I had (The giant Barbie mansion!!) and they don’t play with them even. You inspire me to go through with what I want to do. Thank you.
Amy B April 21, 2013 at 12:47 am
Perfect timing for me! I am participating in a biannual consignment event and I really think it’s time to say goodbye to 90% of my sons toys and a good part of his clothes. He is 28 months old and I am sure he will not even notice. I plan on keeping Duplos, his Schleich animals and his wooden train set (and perhaps some educational games and puzzles). With one more baby boy on the way and 800 square feet for 4 people it will be impossible to combat the mess and the constant incoming gifts from well meaning family. Also, his birthday is 6 days before Christmas so I am going to start encouraging family to only add to the few sets of toys he already has or just gift passes to the zoo or museum.Thanks for making our lives a little easier!
Annie S. April 22, 2013 at 9:19 am
BRAVO MOMMA! BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!! I have been in tears a LOT lately, not knowing what to do with my boys, who tear up all their toys, leave things strung out everywhere, have no shame when someone comes over and sees their mess…. This just may be the answer. I have tried so many techniques to no avail. Even tried incentives…. I am at my witts end, we are a family of 5 in a 1300 square foot home (our home is nice, but small), and I am very overwhelmed. I homeschool so I can spend more time with them, and have control over what they learn…. but I am at the point where I can’t do it anymore unless drastic changes are made. I still say BRAVO!!!
Holly @HollyPop Designs April 22, 2013 at 9:40 pm
I have been tempted many times to get rid of most of my child’s toys. As my significant other has pointed out numerous times,I am more upset about this than my child is. I did take away every single hot wheel (which was A LOT of cars) and it made a huge difference in the way my child acted. I’m not sure I could ever actually take them all away but I applaud you for doing this, especially if it has made a difference. I do make my child sort through his toys with me and make him get rid of stuff and that has helped tremendously with his organizational skills.
Natasha April 23, 2013 at 12:22 pm
I love that you did this! My girls have alot of toys and it drives me crazy when they make a mess and refuse to clean it up! I have started going through all of their stuff (toys,clothes, etc.) every 6 months and usually come out with a large garbage bag of stuff to go to good will. The girls seem pretty happy with the thought that their things are going to other little girls who are in need and quite often they will help choose the things to get rid of.
Amanda Rozek April 23, 2013 at 12:35 pm
Awesome! that’s great! Kids need to know that life is NOT about things! But mostly about things money can’t buy!
Tulip April 23, 2013 at 11:04 pm
I’m with you! I think it is an awesome idea and I would do it myself if I didn’t have a home preschool. I think that toys are a huge racket! I think they can limit a child’s creativity. Why can’t children play with real things? They have to have a “toy” this and “toy” that when there are real things all around to use and explore including the great outdoors! What better playground than nature, filled with “toys” children often beg to bring inside and play with? . I am saddened that you are being judged negatively for your parenting choices. In most places, not having any toys is the last thing that children are worried about. You obviously have happy healthy girls that are going to benefit from their mother’s care. So glad you shared your experience and your wisdom. Thank you!
nicolelee April 23, 2013 at 11:17 pm
I am so sorry this article is getting so much hate ! Those people must have forgotten a time in the world where crime was lower than it is now because children were out playing instead of inside watching commercials filled with soft pornography and murder while their hands are in a Cheetos bag! THAT is bad parenting not what your doing getting your children to free their minds by freeing up their space. Bravo to you!!!! Raise your kiddos the organic way not the “commercial” way.
Jamie G April 24, 2013 at 12:47 pm
I found this post on Pinterest. It interested me because a month ago my husband and I filled up 10 (ten!) trash bags of my daughters’ toys. I have never heard of anyone else doing this before. We didn’t take away everything there is still plenty for them to enjoy. The amount of stuff they had was overwhelming for them. Overwhelming in trying to figure out what to play with, overwhelming when it came time to clean, overwhelming in trying to find exactly what they wanted even though I tried hard to keep things organized. It has been a month and they haven’t even asked for anything back. The next step is going through the bags and throwing away the junk, donating some, and keeping a few items. Thank you for being brave enough to post this.
Paulina April 24, 2013 at 1:22 pm
I know my opinion is not more than that of a complete stranger that came across your post on Pinterest but I think we can always use encouraging words from anyone, especially on topics that are so controversial and that cause people to be mean and judgmental when you are only sharing what has worked for you.
What a valuable lesson you are teaching your kids! We lost our baby boy last year when I was 37 weeks pregnant, that experience brought a great deal of teaching to our life among which was a very clear lesson on thankfulness for what we have, this led us to a real place of contentment in which things are not the center of our attention anymore (I’ve been working on getting rid of what we don’t need, trying hard not to buy more stuff, and learning how to make the best out of our little home putting more emphasis on who lives in it rather than how big it is) . In the material driven society we live in it’s hard to change the way you think and live but I think you are off to a great start with your girls and you are a great example for the rest of us that don’t have children yet but want to raise our kids to be content and thankful or have thought about it but haven’t had the courage (yet) to take radical measures even in our own life. Thanks for sharing!
Alyson April 24, 2013 at 2:58 pm
Thank you so much for doing what you did and having the courage to blog about it. I needed this today. A friend of mine repinned this on pinterest and I was intrigued. My husband took a garbage bag full of toys and his it in our closet a few months ago. Aside from 1-2 things that were in the bag, my girls didn’t even notice things were gone. They stumbled upon the bag a couple weeks ago and only then remembered about the things that were inside. I promptly hid the bag and they’ve already forgotten. I definitely need to do this on a grander scale. I love the idea of taking things away to encourage imagination. I am encouraged to hear that your girls attention spam increased. We definitely need that at our house!
Maria April 24, 2013 at 4:01 pm
I don’t even know where to start. I LOVE that you shared this with the world & THANK YOU! It brought me to tears to see the way you took hold & changed your family’s life & gave your girls a glimpse of what family life should be like. My kids CRY when I ask them to clean their rooms everyday & to give them a chance to ENJOY life & not have to fear cleaning up their rooms, this is exactly the wisdom I needed to find today as I tackle a room that looks like a toy/clothing monster threw up. I cry when I clean it, hahaha. So, thank you. If others are putting you down & telling you this was crazy & mean, it’s only because they haven’t come to see what real love for your children & their life truly is & how to accomplish it. They too are still slaves to the toys. So, thank you……
Ronnievipres April 24, 2013 at 5:17 pm
I am so glad it worked out for you!!! My mom got fed up with me keeping my room a mess, and took all of my toys away too! And I still managed to keep a messy room!!! God bless my mother. Hooray for you!
Heather April 25, 2013 at 9:41 am
Thank you so much! After reading all the comments, the majority of them are very positive, I am convinced that so many of us mothers have become overwhelmed with the rampant consumerism that dominated our society this generation. So many of us are at that breaking point and many are coming to the same conclusion as you. Less truly is more. I’m a homeschooling mother of 5 (ages 7, 6, 4, 3, and 1) and we’ve cut down the kids toys, books, and clothes by 50% this year. There’s still more that needs to go. I just finished reading a book on this topic, called Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids by Kim John Payne. It goes much further than just simplifying the toys, however. He talks about simplifying every aspect of a child’s environment, including: toys, books, general household clutter, clothes, even things like excess lights and sounds, or even foods that can cause sensory overload. He discusses establishing rhythms, routines, and rituals, simplifying children’s schedules, and cutting way back on media. It was an eye-opening book, and I wished I could wave my magic wand and simplify my life that much over night. We’re working on it though, slowly but surely.
Brittany April 25, 2013 at 3:53 pm
Just wanted to throw my two cents in even though this post was written a while ago! My mother did the same thing for me when I was young. I had a habit of leaving toys out and I believe she did it more for my dad at the time, but she threw most of my stuff in as big plastic bag one day and tossed it all in the garage. I think people don’t realize how addicted to stuff we have become. I find that today I have far less attachment to junk now because of this and it has helped me in my life much more. I was more willing to be frugal in my college years, which saved me from even more debt on top of my school loans, I only just this past year purchased my first car which is saying something for someone in their 20s. My hubby and I had a small wedding that cost less than 1000 dollars, and now that I am working I can apply most of our excess income to paying off all those student loans. Not feeling so tied to things, I find that we can move much more easily if we ever have to and that having guests over is much easier cause there is less to clean up. I plan on getting debt free in 5 to 6 years! We are also expecting our first baby this year and we already are prepared for me to go on maternity leave without stress or money worries (aside from tiny newborn ones lol). Any way, I have short of rambled a bit but I thought you would like to hear from someone else that it doesn’t hurt your kids if they have less. It might even be the best thing yet for them.
Colleen April 25, 2013 at 4:14 pm
I was wondering how you handle birthdays and the inevitable gifts at various times of the year?
Heather D. May 1, 2013 at 6:13 pm
I was wondering the same. I feel like even though we always say the kids would like funding for an activity they love, everyone (almost) just ignores it and just buys stuff.
Kristin April 25, 2013 at 5:01 pm
I loved this article! My husband and I would definitely consider doing something like this in our home. I’m so tired of hearing, “Can I have…? Will you buy…?”
Cecilia April 25, 2013 at 9:42 pm
I agree that too many toys are bad. I also agree that kids’ rooms should have toy clean-outs. But I don’t agree that parents should be in charge of it.
Every so often, my dad used to tell me and my three siblings we could clean our room and fill up bags with toys & clothes we didn’t want anymore. We’d do it willingly. We still had toys and stuff in our room after that. I liked it that way. I really don’t like the whole… can’t have more than one to two toys at a time though. Storage for toys sounds great, but I think a limit on how many toys one can play with would really have stifled my creativity as a kid. Don’t get me wrong – I developed a passion for drawing and writing when I was a kid (around 3rd grade) and those were great for my creativity
But the whole doll-house thing kind of gave me that initial love for story-making, so I owe a lot to having dolls and using tons of them at a time with my sister (we liked complex stories. Which sometimes meant tons of characters. In fact, we even filmed “movie” featuring several plush toys as characters).
I also don’t agree about the… keeping more good quality toys than cheap ones. I had some quality toys, but for the most part, my parents were never rich – haha. When it came down to it though, the cheap ones were just as fun as the more expensive ones. We never had male dolls or Kens (XD) so we ended up using our creativity and cutting a girl Barbie’s hair once to include a male character in our doll house stories
I feel like that kind of stuff made us appreciate what we had, and less likely to spend more money on stuff just because it’s cooler, new, trending, etc. For example, I have a TracFone and I actually prefer it to an iPhone 5 or 5 billion-whatever it is now 
All in all, I feel like there just needs to be a balance. Don’t give everything, nor take away everything. I feel like as long as you encourage stuff besides toys routinely, you don’t have to set limits with toy playing
Kacie April 26, 2013 at 12:44 am
I’d hug you, then give you a high-five with a “hell yeah!” if I could
Over the last year I’ve dramatically downsized the amount of “stuff” we own (between my one year old and I), and can proudly say I could pack it all up into our car if I had to. I get this. I get the why. I get the results. And couldn’t support it more. This topi hits a hot spot with people because it’s become unknown in our little society what it even really means to be spoiled. being spoiled has become so normal, we don’t recognize it anymore, or the results it has on kids.
We’ll be downsizing even MORE soon (building a 120 square foot house, not much choice, ay?) and frankly, am looking forward to the stress relief
Mercy April 26, 2013 at 6:00 am
Keeping the clutter out of the house is never-ending. As it is, we live on a very tight budget and that keeps me from overspending on things we don’t need. But I think it’s time to go through my kids’ stuff again. They don’t have that many toys and I do regularly throw out the broken ones, so maybe I just need to get them a little more organized.
Some time in the next year we will be moving countries. I’ve warned my kids in advance that many of the toys they have now won’t be coming with us and that they will only keep a few favorites.
Laura April 27, 2013 at 8:59 am
Wow! I totally love this! I have been to houses, mine included sometimes,where the kids stuff takes over. It is more important to have relationships with people than with things. I prefer experiences to stuff. We like to reward our son with a trip to the zoo or the park instead of a toy… But let’s face it, giving a toy is easier. When grandparents want to give gifts, we encourage a membership to the children’s museum or a contributuon the college savings account. It is so refreshing to see this perspective. I hope it catches on!
Tonia April 27, 2013 at 11:06 am
So awesome and encouraging. I have done this to an extent, but I’m starting to realize I need to “take away” some of my crap too. I just love this! Thanks so much for sharing. I’m excited to look through the rest of your blog.
Savannah April 29, 2013 at 11:18 am
And some day your kids will grow up to be productive individuals that are still in touch with reality. Research would heavily agree with you. Kids need to play pretend, and entertain themselves, not be entertained. We are having a yard sale in June and almost every thing will be in it. My eye opening moment was when my 5 year old (when asked what she wanted for her Birthday) said “mommy I don’t want any presents, if I get presents it will just be more for me to clean in my room.” To be honest my kids never even play with their toys, they pull them out looking for a specific item, but about 97% are just over flow. They are going to spend a week before the sale condensing down to one small toy bin each. When there are a ton of toys the kids get to over whelmed to play with them any way, and my kids would rather run around the back yard.
Anonymous April 29, 2013 at 11:46 am
I appreciate what you did! I remember when I used to have one doll to play with and used to expend all afternoon playing outside with my cousins eating fruit off the trees. I am doing the same!!!Thank you for the post!
Sarah B April 29, 2013 at 2:55 pm
I enjoyed this post very much and when I was growing up things were tight and a little rough but it made me appreciate my family more. As I got older it was hard to see how many of my friends did have a relationship with there family or an appreciation for the things around them. Taking away the toys they don’t play with isn’t cruel, it’s a way of purging social expectations and getting back to basics, love, family, friends, and a healthy dose of imagination. I wouldn’t be surprised if taking away their toys helped them become better problem solvers, most people give up once they realize there isn’t a quick fix they can buy. Keep up the great work, you say you are a perfect mother but your imperfections are important and they make you real and let your daughters have a realistic self image, so I say keep on truckin momma bear!
Ashley Urke | Domestic Fashionista April 29, 2013 at 5:29 pm
I love this. I watch my nephew who is two and we have very little toys and the couple times a week he comes over he seems to have enough. As I form habits with my nephew I wonder how different it would be with my own kids one day when they are home with me everyday. I like to think, with your example in mind, that we do not need a lot. I too am so much like you, craving a simple and cluttered life yet deep within me still have a love affair with stuff. This is an inspiring read and I appreciate you sharing it despite any sort of disagreement or misunderstanding that others have felt. It is so opposite of what culture is today in families and we need sometimes what appears to be an extreme scenario to snap out of it. I am inspired and encouraged!
Lindsey April 29, 2013 at 11:55 pm
At first I was thinking oh no what kind of crazy stuff have I stumbled into until I read the whole post.
I admire your courage and your reasoning. I know it is very hard to get rid of stuff (I personally have a REALLY hard time of this) I bet my kids would be fine if I did it too. In fact I am going to follow your example and get rid of a few more toys than I usually would. Thanks for giving me the courage to try it!
Renee April 30, 2013 at 6:01 am
You did something that a lot of parents just cannot wrap their minds around. Doesn’t more _________ equal more happiness? I am in the purging process myself and I am having a harder time letting go of the junk than my kids are. I’m loving your blog & your mothering style….keep up the good work!
Heidi April 30, 2013 at 8:38 pm
THANK YOU. Your post is a call to action for me. I just gave it to my 11 year old daughter to read, and she loved the ideas. We are going to start by making a list of “what makes us happy” (our own idea) – and go from there. My hope is not to get rid of everything; but to only keep those things that truly add JOY to our lives. ALL of us will need to do a lot of “clearing out.” I hope this is the beginning of an amazing change for our family.
jen m. April 30, 2013 at 9:59 pm
I think what you did for your two BEAUTIFUL GIRLS was incredible. I wish I could do that, how you have teached them to test their creativity, and to play with one another so close.To teach them that sisterhood bond that never goes away. I personally think you are a great person and a wonderful mother. And I just found your blog about an hour ago.
Parenting Today May 1, 2013 at 3:03 pm
That’s very brave, but I totally understand where you are coming from. Not many parents could take toys away in order to help kids develop their imagination. I do admire you for what you did!
Heather D May 1, 2013 at 6:11 pm
Wow! I really needed to see this! This week I went through a similar situation. I asked my children many times to pick up thier dress up clothes, I encouraged them, I remained calm and I warned them of the consequence if they didn’t clean up their toys. After nearly an hour of them continuing to ignore me and makeing the mess bigger, I finally calmly sent them each to their step (that is where they go for “time out” or “thinking about what they have done”) then I walked downstairs and grabbed one garbage bag, and filled it with every toy that was still not put away. Then I took the bag and walked out to the garage. I came and let it sink in. They cried, a lot, it was sad and so hard for me to see them that way. I did not actually dispose of the toys, but set the aside for me to think about what I had done and how I was going to handle it. They believe the toys are gone forever because I said nothing. I have seriously contemplated doing exactly what you have done so many times. We are a family of 5, in a small home and I loath clutter. I feel like the house is always trashed and they can’t seem to keep it all picked up. I also organize, clean, ect all the time to try and control the chaos, but it isn’t enough. The problem is simple, we have too much. I just feel so guilty getting rid of it. I feel that most of the items are gifts and loved many of the reasons you listed, but at the same time I sometimes feel like my sanity is at risk because of the stuff. And I hate that they seem to act like they are entitled and always ask for more.
Liz May 2, 2013 at 7:51 am
This is a great thing for me to read now. I am pregnant with our first child and this baby will have 6 Aunts and 10 uncles (only one of those is married so far), not to mention great aunts and uncles, grandparents, great grandparents, etc… this post is a reminder that I will need to prepare for boatloads of stuff. It hadnt even occured to me yet because I am the type of person that buys educational or useful things, we have given our niece coloring books and clothes, never toys. I rarely gift toys to any child unless theres a specific reason for the toy. I believe some toys can be good for a child, especially when they are younger. For example, I think every toddler should have a baby doll and plain wooden blocks, to be honest they probably dont need anything else.
While I agree with some that you may have been a little extreme in the moment, the long term results seem to have worked out very well and I admire the fact that you stuck with your decision.
Thank you for this post.
Michele May 3, 2013 at 6:38 pm
I know you have gotten far too many comments already, I am guilty of not knowing you either, just this post from pinterest (a true addiction for me
), but I so connect with this! from the insights you recieved through your children to how you fill the voids through “things”. I’m not sure exactly where that idea came to ME from, but it is something I’m working on regularly. I’ve taken the children’s toys away and put them in the attic and am always amazed at how little, if at all, they miss them. My mistake is keeping them in the attic and not getting rid of them…in writing this, I have gained some inspiration and will be acting on it. You will probably not find anything about it on my public blog, but if you’re interested, you may check periodically on my family blog. http://mommybug-ibshell.blogspot.com
p.s. New follower!
Dominique May 4, 2013 at 8:43 am
Hello Ruth. I have been meaning to read this blog post for some time now. Actually reading I can’t imagine why people feel that is a bad decision. My husband and I have been talking about not having big “Christmases” or bombarding our (future) children with toys. I was the child who always had my way and never truly learned the value of money earned or had respect or value for the toys others bought me. I always had the mindset that if it broke I would just ask for a new one and would get it. My husband and I have also talked about the importance of being able to live a simple life and for our children to be able to use their imaginations or spend time using their creativity. My husband and I even made a rule for ourselves this past Christmas to only buy each other one gift and it was great because we really tried hard to make it special and meaningful and not some inexpensive or useless item. I have to say that I agree with your decision and this is something that my husband and I will be doing with ourselves and with our child from a young age. Thank you so much for not living by the world, but by loving your children enough to help them break the cycle this world, including myself, have fallen into.
Jon May 4, 2013 at 8:50 am
Wow this is exactly what i have been thinking for the past couple of months. Im glad to see that other people notice the problems of consumerism that plagues our society. my wife who just posted above me stated that when our daughter comes we will do exactly what you did. we have already talked about implementing a one present Christmas and limiting our child’s toy collection to just one. of course education stuff is different. i want to teach my child a sense of responsibility and contentedness. this blog was a great encouragement to me that tells me that there are other people out there who agree with my thinking. Im just curious how things are still going?
Iris @ The Blue Birdhouse May 5, 2013 at 4:48 pm
I don’t have any kids, I was an only child with toys that would make an entire orphanage happy…..I have thought about this because I see the “gim’ me, gim’ me” attitude in myself and…well everyone. I never thought about “no toys” but definitely less toys and toys that have meaning. This was a great article.
Iris♥
Iris♥ @ The BlueBirdhouse
Arwen May 5, 2013 at 9:06 pm
I loved your article! To answer your question about getting rid of toys, I have tried to box them up and rotate them. Eventually the system falls apart. Every. Time. They lose half the toys I bring out for the day, and the next day they lose half that day’s toys. Soon there’s 100 toys under every bed, we’re stepping on shapes that are always STARS, our 14 month old is bruised from head to toe tripping on toys, etc. I’ve even purged toys. Doesn’t help. Grandparents buy more!
My MIL just bought a ladybug toy with shapes on it. I’m thinking, “OK. One big toy, hard to lose, plays music.” Then she hits a button and one toy breaks apart into 7! “FUDGE.” My mom gets my oldest an Elmo cash register. It has money so it isn’t one toy, it’s 5! We have dozens of balls from dozens of toys everywhere. Most of the ladybug’s shapes are missing. Just stepped on its triangle as a matter of fact. Luckily I found all the play money and rigged that register to not open.
I’m getting rid of stuff today. I’ve already got half their stuffed animals bagged for a yard sale. I’m going through plastic toys next. I cleared the living room and locked all the toys in a bedroom a little while ago. Now my girls are running in circles laughing their heads off. Getting rid of things is the best idea ever, but I’ve been doing that with me for a long time. I got an mp3 player and sold every last one of my CD’s. I have a Nook, got digital files of my library, and sold all of my books. I love my music and books, but hate clutter. =)
We have nothing outside for them so I have been wanting a small swing set. I’m thinking sell the toys to help fund that. Less clutter indoors, burning off energy outdoors. Win-win!
Brendon Jones May 8, 2013 at 2:41 am
Love it, that is exactly how I feel. Of we buy this one kitchen set…..which is actually 100 pieces……ahhhhhhh. I have been wanting to purge toys, as well as our stuff. I am just as guilty as my husband of having a hard time letting go. We have well over 200 movies but yet we only watch 50 of them so why can I not get rid of them??? I am glad to see I am not the only mom that feels this way. We could use the money to pay down debt, or save it for a big trip, or…….the options are endless.
Kristen May 5, 2013 at 9:52 pm
This is similar to what I’ve been thinking about doing but just been too busy to take the plunge! This summer we’re going to start “purging” room by room to get rid of excess stuff & I’m going to commit to only buying what we NEED not what we WANT!
Kristin May 6, 2013 at 8:33 pm
I LOVED this post!! We did the same thing about 6 months ago. I was sick with strep and Daddy had had about enough of the kids’ messes. So he went with them thru all their junk and got rid of about 50% of their stuff. It was great! We need to do it again. The problem is the grandparents who give the kids whatever they want. We got rid of our TV in an effort to watch less. So…they bought us a new one. Even after we explained our reasons. Now they’re angry with us for declining their offer to pay private school tuition – because we want to homeschool. Sigh….I’m grateful for their generosity, but sometimes I wish they’d button out.
Adelina Priddis May 6, 2013 at 10:29 pm
A friend of mine posted this on facebook. As I started to read I thought “No way! I couldn’t do that! They need those toys, and I need my sanity…It wouldn’t work on my kids”.
Then I kept reading, and I had to be honest with myself. I’ve wanted to do this for a very long time, but hubby doesn’t, and I’m too scared. But truth be told, we have done it before. Never thrown it out, but cleaned their rooms out so completely into trash bags and tossed in the garage. Slowly we’d give things back.
So, thank you for your experience. I know I need to just do it. I often let my own sentimental attachments to things get in the way of getting rid of it.
Leigha May 7, 2013 at 7:29 pm
I have an almost 2 year old who is spoiled so much so that he wont talk much. I’m on my phone a good majority of the time and love to buy things that I’ll never use (confession) I’m also pregnant with our second baby. Due May 28th. I know I’m about to get a whole bunch of stuff that will help with the clutter. With my son being so young he wont notice what hes missing I could also give him clothes and stuff as gifts instead of things that he’ll just get tired of! Thanks for the post!
Leigha
Heather May 7, 2013 at 8:00 pm
Thank you so much for this article..It really opened my eyes. I told my husband when we have children that we will only buy them things they need…and only few toys at christmas. Life is so much more than toys and materialistic things.
Anonymous May 8, 2013 at 2:53 am
I saw this post on Pinterest and thought I need to read this because I am curious as to why.
I often threaten my 2 daughters 3 and 4 I will through away toys, but yet I never do. I have bins of toys over flowing that are broken, not all the pieces are together, lost, I played with etc. but when I stop and actually watch what my kids play with is puzzles, books, colors and coloring books or they like to be on the clean for wrestling. So why can I not let go? Is it because I am afraid of the memories they will loose out on? Will I feel like a bad mom because they do not have a lot of toys? Maybe a combination of everything. But at the same time I am tired of tripping over toys, yelling at them to pick up, looking at unplayed with things, hearing the fights over she won’t share, or she took it away, when is it my turn…….. When I was growing up we had very few toys, we were always outside playing or in the house playing hide and go seek, or tag, building forts with pillows and chairs. It is amazing at how consumeristic we have become, at how we have to have more than our neighbor. .
I struggle with keeping our house clean my husband works part time and is in school full time, I work part and our house is often a dumping ground because we are always going somewhere or we get home in time for dinner than it is bath and bed, things just kind of pile up. I want a simplified uncluttered happy home, not a stuff filled fighting home.
I admire your example and lesson in showing us that it is ok to get rid of toys and that our kids will be ok, if not better off. I bet your house is a lot cleaner now without all the toys everywhere
Thank you. You are amazing.
Dianne May 8, 2013 at 6:20 pm
I did something similar with my son. We weren’t upset about anything and there was no anger involved. I got 10 postit notes and told him to pick the 10 toys he wanted to keep and put a postit on each one. The rest would be donated. He didn’t have a problem with it because he was in control of what got kept. It made keeping his room clean much easier. Unfortunately that didn’t last long because grandparents were not exactly on the same page. I may just need to make it a yearly event at the beginning of summer.
Daniella Chesnut May 10, 2013 at 2:03 am
Hi! I am just curious – what do you do with gifts that your children receive at birthdays and stuff? And where are you and your husband putting your things? Goodwill? Selling them? Just curious! I love reading all that you have learned from this experience!
RanchMommy May 10, 2013 at 6:15 pm
This is inspiring. I just discovered your blog, I too am in a quest to simplify life. We got rid of a bunch of media time wasters and downsized to one box of toys. The toys are also confined to one room, I love it. My question for you is, we hardly if ever buy toys for our kids (we have 3 under the age of 5) but stuff keeps coming into our home via well meaning relatives for birthdays and Christmas… I’ve thought about donating those toys but how do you deal with that situation without offending the giver?
Jessica May 12, 2013 at 9:49 am
I love this post! You”re not a perfect mom but you”re a loving mom that only wants the best for her kids. Great job! And your kids are already being grateful for what you”re doing for them, I mean what else can you ask for in life. I hope I remember this post when I have my kids.
Heidi@OneCreativeMommy May 13, 2013 at 12:33 am
Thank you for this post. I think I might just do something similar. Our playroom stays clean for about ten minutes. How can a room be fun if it is so full of toys that there’s no room to play? How can it be fun when it takes more time to clean up than you get to spend playing? I really think taking out most of the toys and shelves and leaving a nice large area to play would make all the difference. I love that your kids noticed that they were happier with less things to take care of. I think my kids might agree!
Habari May 13, 2013 at 2:34 pm
I applaud you! Just this morning standing in my 11 year old son’s room I felt the overwhelming urge to take everything away. It was not out of anger that this urge grew but from a place of wanting less distraction in his world. I, like you, wanted to undo the wrongs I felt were done to me as a child. I wanted him to have the latest toy, game, action figure, Hotwheel set or what have you. Now he is 11 years old with 5 over-sized storage binds for toy boxes. It is time to take a stand – I must remove the toys. I must paint his room. I must take down the dino curtains. I must remove the city map floor rug. I must remove the hanging teddy bear hammock. It is time! He constantly asks for more stuff while at the same time he can hardly find items he happens to be looking for from time to time. I see a glimpse of a lack of appreciation and a air of entitlement and I do not like it a bit. I created a spoiled “I want” monster and it is time to take the reigns and change courses. Thank you. I needed to read this post today. I has been a blessing.
Habari
Jen May 13, 2013 at 11:46 pm
We did this too!! Way more peaceful!
Jordan May 14, 2013 at 1:26 pm
I think this blog post is fantastic and I haven’t read more about you and your family. It is clear you know your children well enough to know whether or not they would be able to handle something like this and I agree that kids do not need every single toy on the market in order to be happy. With fewer, minimalistic type toys, imaginations grow and children can, like you said, develop a longer attention span. Getting children interesting in reading while they are young is invaluable for future education (if they want to go to college.) Being able to occupy yourself or maybe one other person without being constantly stimulated by external factors is excellent! It gives parents freedom to do things like banking, grocery shopping, going to the doctor with their kids and not having boredom induced melt-downs in aisle three. I think you made a wise choice, here, especially since it is clear you are a hands-on mom who takes a deep interest in the lives of your kids and spends a lot of time with them. I do not have children yet, and I know mine will be different from yours, but I hope to be able to instill some of the aforementioned qualities in my tots! Best wishes to you!
ayesha May 15, 2013 at 12:19 pm
I loved this post. Thank you. I am sorry for any hurtful comments you may have incurred because of your honesty. I remember when my girls were smaller and we would go through the pick up your toys routine. If I told them over the course of several days & I kept stepping over the same toys , outside of their rooms, eventually I would pick them up and throw them away. To this day they remember it. My kids had dolls stacked in the closet unopened. Now that I have a son& we have much less, I just put things away for several days. I love the experience gifts. That is so awesome. Especially with the older kids. I must teach my kids to love people, not things. P.S don’t you think that sometimes it is the disciplined behaviors that help us to allow God to change our hearts. I thank you for the post.
RikkiHeinis May 15, 2013 at 2:23 pm
I can totally relate to this blog entry! The difference however, is that I decided to get rid of many of my own belongings instead of my sons. He was already in his late teens and I had to make a change for myself before I felt I could force him to change. Although my decision was made practically overnight, implementing this particular change has been ongoing and likely always will be. Out of the blue one day, I suddenly felt as though I had lost sight of what was really important to me. I looked at all of the designer clothes, expensive knick knacks and junk that I had sitting around me and wondered what good all of these items were doing me. I had spent an extraordinary amount of money on ‘things’, yet my life didn’t seem to be any more complete than it was prior to making these purchases. It has taken me awhile to let go but, I have made considerable progress. (I do have trouble letting go of my designer shoes but I am working on it!) My son is 18 now so I cannot change his behavior (though I hope my example has had an impact) but, I have a 1 yr old and a 2 yr old who will be growing up with fewer material things yet hopefully more appreciation for the things that truly matter. Thank you for sharing this personal experience with us. Many of us realize that this was done in love and it seems as though your children are better off for it. I am certainly better off for making the same decision. <3
Katharine May 15, 2013 at 3:29 pm
I came to this page from looking at a post about how to clean your home quickly, and this article caught my eye. Maybe I am of a newer generation of thinkers who want to go back to a simpler way of life, but I too have been minimizing things in my home. Regardless of this, I was a child who had all of my toys taken away. I just want to back you up, Ruth. My mother taking my toys and throwing away the television was the single best thing that ever happened to me in my life (though I didn’t think that then as I was older- seven years old is enough time to get accustomed to television.) Because she did that I began voraciously reading and had a post-collegiate reading level before I entered high school. I found a passion for art that may have otherwise been hidden. And I became a very active kid since I had to go play outside more often. Its a good thing to go back to a simpler way of life. And remember– You are the parent, not their friend. You will do what is best for them regardless of their opinion. When they are adults they can choose for themselves. Kudos Ruth! Its good to have a new generation who will not be so consumeristic. I hope to follow in your footsteps.
Jeni May 16, 2013 at 7:38 am
An interesting read. Not something I think I would do. That being said I do however think I may do something similar, like my own mother did should the need arise. When she was left with a disobedient child with too many things and no desire to pick them up and care for her belongs my mother simply came in with trash bags and everything went. The room was left with linens on the bed and furniture, nothing else remained, not even clothes in the dresser or closet. For what felt like an eternity (which I’m sure was only a week or two) all clothing was doled out in the morning. Eventually I, the ungrateful child learned my toys and belongings hadn’t been sent to the dump but were hidden away and I earned them back. Also every year before Christmas we cleaned out the excess to make room for the new. I did learn a valuable lesson that was on occasion needed to be repeated since I was also incredibly stubborn, but I did learn to value my things. It’s a lesson that has always stayed with me and while I admit to having way more then I need and hating to part with anything, I do value what have much more than some of those I’ve seen around me.
bridgett May 16, 2013 at 8:23 am
This post is perfect. It’s just what I needed to read! Thank you, so much! You rock. xo Bridgett
Jessica May 16, 2013 at 10:55 am
Your blog is addicting to me as Pinterest, where I in fact found it. This is coming from a perfect stranger and may sound strange, but I am proud of you for many reasons. Firstly for your personal story of you early years. May you continue to work through those issues and with the Grace of God feel good and free. Thank you for sharing it with all of us. Secondly, your shopping tricks and tips are stellar. We live in Canada and often I am envious of the deals we find when traveling south of the border. Having said that, I tend to overbuy when we are on holiday because I can’t pass it up. That whole situation is quite ridiculous. So thanks for giving me some great tips. Lastly, kudos to you for simplifying your life and your girl’s life. We travel a lot and have learned that we can live out of one suitcase each for a year away. Then when we come home we are bombarded by “stuff”. And it is such a struggle to get my turkeys to clean their rooms with all that stuff. The get distracted and play, who can blame them? I am going to tackle their rooms this weekend which is a long weekend up here. Thank you for that encouragement and I believe you are right in that they aren’t suffering, they are now experiencing life as it should be.
I will now be following your blog and following your suggestions.
Have a wonderful summer, and thank you again. You have been a cyber-angel for me.
Rachael May 18, 2013 at 11:03 am
Thanks so much for this post! I am getting ready to have my first baby here in July and I am so happy that I can start to create a different environment for my children, and they won’t notice a difference at all. So many people commented with great ideas and I’m excited to implement them! I strongly believe that children will be so much happier and context in life if THE FAMILY and family time is the number 1 priority. Nothing can replace the love that they feel from a family!
Jackie May 18, 2013 at 3:16 pm
Wow!!! I love this! I have felt like my girls have had too many toys for a while now and even went as far as limiting their Christmas this past year to one large item that they use frequently and necessities like hygiene products and school supplies. I will start homeschooling my girls soon and feel even more that they have too many things, most that they don’t even use. I will begin slowly purging through all of our items, clothes and toys mostly because those are what we have the most excess of. Thank you for helping me know that my kids will not only be okay, but will probably thrive with less things!
Nikki May 18, 2013 at 6:05 pm
THANK YOU for this post. Seriously–I stumbled upon your blog through Pinterest and I can’t wait to get to know you and your family more through your posts. I’m hoping to purge my home this summer because we have too much “stuff” that isn’t important.
I hope to see the changes in my children that you have seen in yours. Congrats on a spur-of-the-moment decision that was well-made!!
Anonymous May 19, 2013 at 7:49 am
This was a great post! We have a semi-finished basement that we turned into a play room. We boxed up all the ‘little junk toys’, and kept a few items–puzzles, board games, dress up items, a dollhouse with accessories in a box on a shelf out of reach, limited stuffed animals to a few that fit on each child’s bed, legos and a box of building blocks. Minus the stuffed animals, all of these are in the basement with no clutter, many things only in reach of an adult. Our kids’ rooms are completely toy free. They have books and that’s it. My daughter had no books for a while, but she showed that she could clean them up and she had them returned. It’s wonderful! Like you, we kept some things, but they get one at a time and the rest of the time they’re doing art projects, reading or using their imaginations for role play type games. Not a lot has changed because we never had electronics, but the mess is gone. I completely understand your impulse! It’s certainly not about depriving children, it’s about having a healthy balance and teaching them to live intentionally. Great to hear that you extended your process to include you and your husband! My husband has no problem, but I have a family who continues to shower me with gifts on a regular basis, even at age 35–kitchen stuff, tools we don’t need, clothes, books, home decorating items….it’s overwhelming and I really can’t stop them and it’s hard to move things on that they look for when they visit. Working on it, though!
Anonymous May 19, 2013 at 2:01 pm
So doing this
Classes May 19, 2013 at 3:43 pm
You do all know that this only works if your child isn’t acutely aware of being poor, right? For actual, very poor children it really hurts. A lot. For upper class kids: remember to explain to them that, world over, having just one special toy is Normal.
I think that if you called it a “one toy policy” (you’re letting them keep their favourite stuffed animal, so that seems closer, anyway) people wouldn’t freak out so much.
WARNING to parents of INFANTS and TODDLERS: 24-30 months and under children use toys to develop important skills regarding dexterity, coordination, self entertaining, imagination, and problem solving. Of course, they will also be content to do this with sticks or pots and pans, but I find the clean up much easier with toys.
Amy May 19, 2013 at 10:24 pm
I just found this through a friends Pinterest, and I loved it. I completely agree with you. My 8 year old daughter has enough barbies, dolls, stuffed animals, journals, etc., she could entertain a country of children. It’s really sad. My two boys are the same. So much stuff. But it’s not just toys and books, it’s also clothes. Ever since my children were infants, they have had more clothes than they could possibly wear. Within the last few months, I have decided to start downsizing. Major. I started with my closet. I am working my way to my kids toys. This post has given me more hope to finish because it can get discouraging, plus sometimes I feel like I’m doing my children an injustice by not swallowing them in toys. Thank you!
Cindy May 20, 2013 at 8:57 pm
I have been very frustrated at times with the clutter and the mess that my children made when they were small, but in the end I realized I would rather have the clutter and the mess than have them gone. And they will be gone one day and suddenly you realize how unimportant the mess and the clutter really is. I am so sorry that you haven’t realized this yet and also sorry for you when you do realize. It will be a sad day, children are so much more important than a clean house.
Audrey May 20, 2013 at 10:13 pm
I very much enjoyed this article and it’s very sad to see so many people upset w/the prospect of taking your children’s toys away. It just proves that we are a consumer-driven society. Life is about more (SO much more) than possessions, not about more more possessions. I’ve read this lovely article about children around the world and their toys: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/children-world-show-favorite-toys-article-1.1310055
Some children only have one item or two and I’m sure it doesn’t affect them in some huge, horrible adverse way. I know that my husband and I will try to teach our children what you’ve taught yours. To find happiness in the world and within themselves, not in cheap plastic, frivolous things.
Jen May 21, 2013 at 2:09 pm
I really don’t know you, nor have I read your blog. I do have to say you are right there are many ” distractions” in this world. And if we don’t get a hold of them, they will get out of control. I personally see this next germeration not caring about people at all with all the tech. Stuff . We don’t have to care what others think, or say cause we can delete their comments and as far as seeing them, we’ll we have FaceTime for that.
More importantly with all these ” distractions” then they become idols in our lives which then pushes us further away from God.
I too have gone that fed up with too many distractions and so I need to get rid of such and such. Then it amazes me is that new distractions will come play, and then more idols will want to come . So where does it stop? By putting God first! So kudos to you by living simple, and having more!
Dana Ticknor May 21, 2013 at 2:39 pm
Our family has gone through a purging process as well, and find we are so much happier with our limited possessions. We are a family of 12 that live in an RV, traveling, by choice. My children have very limited toys with them. We limit gifts for birthday/Christmas, and prefer experiences (go karts or zoo visit) or consumables (art kits) instead of ‘things’. Life is much simpler when you own your possessions instead of your possessions owning you…
tami May 21, 2013 at 4:45 pm
Ruth,
I truly think what you’ve done is excellent. I have many times wanted to do this myself, but I stop because of fear. Fear I will scar them, just like you said. I, myself, need to purge and get rid of but I think I may need or use that someday. Honestly, because I am too attached to stuff. I was also a very discontent kid and still have a lot of moments where I feel discontentment and I’m seeing it in my oldest daughter and I don’t like it. I commend you for what you’ve done!
Margaret Rodriguez May 22, 2013 at 3:42 am
#projectsimplify365: After spending many hours on Sat. and Sun. cleaning and reorganizing the stuff in their room, I was at the end of my rope. Today I read this and it clicked. I am thrifty by nature and we NEVER impulse buy. I thought we were relatively streamlined for a family of 7 but after wasting the whole weekend I realized I was wrong. We prayed together before we purged and wouldn’t you know it our devotional was also about discontentment today.
The girls admitted they were tired of wasting so much time fighting, organizing, cleaning and searching for stuff. We just did it…and our 3 oldest girls 11, 8, 7… actually said they felt and I quote, “Happy, lighter, less stressed, and excited!”
75% of what they had is now in 6 large garbage bags ready to donate. Also purged a ton of clothes and some toys from our two baby girls 2 and 6 months (all the electronic stuff had to go)
I feel lighter too! They cleaned up their “mess” after playing today and it only took 5 mins as opposed to 1-2 hours. What is even better, a small but powerful miracle, they got along for the entire remainder of the day without fighting even once! I know what works for us may not be right for everyone but this has already proven to be a good choice for our family. Thank you for this article, my daughters thank you as well for the quality time they can enjoy together now!
Veronica Shelton Matthew Walk Joyce Leigh Jamie Flood Sury Fabré Linda Medina
Sara May 22, 2013 at 6:45 am
I love this post because I also got rid of all the toys in our home. I am a homeschooling mother to 7 kids aged 12, 10, 8, 6, 4, 2, and 1. I did keep games, puzzles, and legos. I also let them keep 1 toy each that is special. If they get new toys from family or friends at birthdays or holidays(even though we request that they don’t) we let them trade the old toy in or keep the one they have. The rest go to goodwill. I don’t have room or time for the clutter, and they are just as happy without them. We have an acre with a garden and animals for them to run and learn and play. They can build things, ride bikes, run wild in the sunshine. They don’t need crappy toys that break apart and cause a mess and a fight. This country is obsessed with stuff. It is quite sad and ridiculous. We are bombarded at every single angle with commercials that tell us we need more stuff. I love this article. I really love your blog! Keep up the good work. Don’t listen to one person who tells you this is wrong. It isn’t. They are likely so caught up in consumerism and materialism that they can’t see the forest for the trees.
Julisa May 22, 2013 at 10:57 am
This is a great concept and a great post, no one should criticize you I completely understand… and Im about to do the same thing to my 3 year old… as she is acting like your older daughter was, appreciates nothing and wants everything.. let the toy purge commence.. thanks!
Laura May 22, 2013 at 12:49 pm
Thank you for your post. Thank you for your openness, your honesty, and your realization that our problems run quite deep.
I spent years as a shopaholic without the real income to support my addiction. I hid my purchases from my (now ex- ) husband, and he enabled me by pretending not to see the items I thought I’d hidden so well from him. I know now it was a sign of my depression, which was due in part to his depression and lack of ability to admit to it.
Now that I am happily remarried, and no longer battling the same demons, I don’t have this issue AT ALL. It’s so weird. But our kids definitely have too much stuff, and I periodically purge about half of it. I find the simplest moments with our kids are the best moments, and the kids behave better in those simpler moments, as do I.
Beth May 22, 2013 at 10:26 pm
Wow! That took some courage! I admire your will and determination to do it. I have struggled so much with the same thing. I love my kids more than anything and they have been so blessed to have so many loving people who show them that love by buying them a ton of toys and stuffed animals. But, it is soooo overwhelming. I would LOVE to clear out so many toys, like you did. However, part of the problem is me. Every time I go into their playroom to start getting rid of toys, I start feeling bad because of the people who gave them those toys so lovingly. I think “oh, no, I can’t get rid of that because so-and-so gave them that and it would hurt their feelings if they came and saw it was gone” or “even though they don’t play much with that, they only got it a year ago and the person who gave it to them would be hurt if I got rid of it”. So, I have a question, Ruth. How did you deal with that? How did you overcome the feeling of potentially hurting someone who had given them toys out of love? And, also, when birthdays and other holidays come around, how do you keep the new toy presents to a minimum? Thanks for the good article! Hopefully I can find the willpower to implement at least some aspects of it in our home.
Tabitha May 23, 2013 at 11:00 am
Ruth,
I came across your blog by searching for Garage Sale Tips on Pinterest. I cannot tell you how much your personal story has connected with me. I realize I am addicted to shopping also. I currently live a very blessed life, but my childhood was similarly scaring. I can only piece together that what I’m trying to accomplish by buying things I think will make me better or more happy is because of the lack of happiness as a child. I too want to spoil my two daughter’s and give them everything. I’ve noticed my oldest acting a little discontented recently so this post has struck a nerve. Thank you for sharing your deep personal story. I think we could all benefit from being honest with ourselves in facing our pasts and how they affect us in our day to day lives. God is so good to love us and redeem us from our choices no matter where we are at in the process. Thank you thank you thank you!!
Tabitha
Rachel Beran May 23, 2013 at 5:18 pm
Have been poking all around your blog, and love what I’m seeing. I have a goal of “simplifying” too, but it’s so much harder than it sounds. Turning off the TV. Purging all the “extras”. Eating clean, “real” food. Living thrifty. But giving away many of my sons’ toys?! I think it’s a great idea! I just need to figure out how to do it. I truly believe your children will thank you someday…and so will mine.
Anonymous May 23, 2013 at 11:18 pm
Love this!! I totally want to do this with my boys! I can totally relate. I’m a complete shopaholic and I tell my husband I shop to fill a void. My kids have developed a sense of “entitlement” and that needs to be broken! Thanks for sharing
Steph May 24, 2013 at 11:24 am
I agree with your decision completely! I have done this with my boys (ages 5 and 7) and am expecting another boy in July. I find when they have less toys (as in a dozen or so total) they are much happier, they hardly fight at all and I very seldom feel any frustration with them. The toys and electronics – at least in my opinion – are the cause of almost every single fight my children have. My problem is my husbands parents are constantly buying toys for my boys even though I’ve asked them not to so no matter how often I get rid of toys my house always seems to have too many. I give 1 to 2 trash bags stuffed full of toys to goodwill each month (seriously!) and my boys still have more toys than I would like. I think you’re doing the right thing here. Keep up the good work!