I’ve been feeling a little down on myself lately. I’d like to think I’m a pretty positive person in general, but every once in a while I will be overcome by feelings of inadequacy. I start comparing myself to others and nitpicking all of my own flaws and suddenly the list of all the things I should be doing but am not seems insurmountable, and all I really want to do is abandon my responsibilities, crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head, and have a good long cry. All by myself.
I love writing this blog but at times like this I have a hard time coming up with the right words to say. True or not, I sometimes feel like there is an ongoing expectation for me to be continually positive and upbeat, a source of “inspiration,” funny and light-hearted and witty. And much of the time I am. But the last thing I want to be is inauthentic and sometimes I am none of those things. Sometimes I am just a girl struggling to make it through the day.
A few weeks ago I was chatting with a dear friend and I observed how another friend of ours just seemed to have it all. Perfect job, perfect kids, always on top of things, always totally put together, while I’m the mom that can’t sadly even manage to shower most days, whose kids run around naked half the time and do crazy things like fall off the couch (or the bed) or walk headfirst into the counter or color all over themselves with marker for the gazillionth time. I’m the mom who neglects to return phone calls and emails, who misses show-and-tell day and snack day and whatever-else-I was-supposed-to-read-on-those-5,000-handouts-day, whose dog runs away because I forget I let her out, and who misses important events because I can’t always keep it all straight.
My sweet friend, who is far wiser than me, responded with something so profound it has been stuck in my head ever since. She said, “Don’t you know that everyone gets the same 24 hours?” She went on to explain that while from the outside looking in, all might seem perfect, no one can do everything all the time without letting something slide. Just because we don’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not true. And it doesn’t make her any less of a wonderful person (because she is), it just makes her human.
I have been thinking about that statement a lot, and as I sit here struggling with my own insecurity, I realize that it may seem ironic to those of you looking in on me. Occasionally I’ll get an email or a comment telling me that I am an inspiration, or wondering how I manage to accomplish “so much.” It always makes me uncomfortable. Oh if you only knew all the ways in which I fail every single day!
I have the luxury of an edit button. I can show you a small sliver of my life, something I’ve done well, and quietly filter out the rest. It doesn’t mean what I’m showing you isn’t real, but it’s not always the whole picture, and I would hate to think I’ve made anyone feel inadequate by letting you see only the very best of me.
One of my favorite quotes is by Plato:
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
The truth is that most of the time we probably have no idea what our friends and acquaintances are struggling with behind closed doors. Ultimately we all edit the version of ourselves we present to the world to varying degrees, not out of a desire to be fake or someone we are not, but I think, perhaps, because we truly want to see ourselves as the person we present to others.
Perhaps we should make an agreement to stop comparing ourselves to each other when ultimately there is only One who we should strive to emulate. All we can do is all we can do, and at the end of the day, it is only grace that carries us through. Why waste any portion of those precious hours in self-doubt?
Everyone gets the same 24 hours. Today I just needed to remind myself.
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Oh, Ruth. Are we twins?? 😉 j/k. I can totally relate to everything you said. I struggle with all of that (and more? lol). It’s SO easy to feel down on myself, especially when comparing myself to others…to those to seem to have it all together. I have a wall hanging that says, “Our family might not have it all together but together we have it all.” Love it. I do admire all that you accomplish, but do you know what I admire even more? Your transparency. You are REAL, sharing things such as this…AND you point to where we can get our TRUE meaning, purpose, and fulfillment. <3 you. 🙂
Ruth, the reason that I enjoy reading your blog is that you are authentic. You let us know when things have failed and are open about your past struggles, which makes you seem like “one of us”. I’m sure your friend that seems to have it all together has the same moments the rest of us do, but you just aren’t able to see them. Our pastor recently preached a sermon on King David. He talked about how King David wasn’t the “almost perfect” Christian, but he was special in God’s eyes because no matter how much he failed he picked himself back up and turned back to God. Just remember it’s not about being perfect all the time but about the ability to start fresh again tomorrow and to continually work at striving towards your goals. If you want a reminder that you aren’t the only one with an imperfect life, feel free to check out my recent attempt at blogging. You will see that in just the past few weeks, I have struggled with a lot of things, yet my friends frequently tell me I’m the one who “has it all together”. I am quick to remind them that I am only human too, and things aren’t always what they seem on the outside. Keep up the good work, Ruth! You inspire many of us!
Great post! I am a mom to, have a full time job, 3 dogs, a no help hubby + couponner. So we all struggle to make things happen and we all have good and bad days. Nobodyis perfect, we have our faults and qualities… Still i fell you inspire me with what you do especially because you are human like us… You do a great job on your blogs i check them daily! 🙂
Great post. I agree with you and can relate, even though I don’t have kids I struggle with similar insecurities. There is no time that I feel worse about myself then when I compare myself to others. Logically we know we are all individuals with our own individual struggles, but it’s hard to stop comparing. (And we usually compare ourselves to those we perceive as “better” than us). I do this all the time but eventually try my best to bring the focus back on my life and what I can do to better myself. Although I do have those “hide under the covers” days!
You are very open in your blog and I don’t think you make people feel inadequate. You’re like our Martha Stewart, only REAL! I watched a bio about her the other day and boy, did she have problems that she worked way too hard to cover up. I probably know more about you than some of my family! That’s what makes you so real and readable. Coupons, lifestyle, crafts, food, decorating, spirituality, giving to others….your blog is the best! And when I read about all of the things you do or think about, I never feel bad about myself in comparison. I feel motivated to strive for similar successes.
just found this site yesterday and like you already. This world is all about real people and the sooner the rest of the world realizes that the more peaceful we will all be. 🙂 Excellent comments, and for the record, pretty sure we could all use a day to pull up the covers and have a good cry every once in a while.