I’ve been feeling a little down on myself lately. I’d like to think I’m a pretty positive person in general, but every once in a while I will be overcome by feelings of inadequacy. I start comparing myself to others and nitpicking all of my own flaws and suddenly the list of all the things I should be doing but am not seems insurmountable, and all I really want to do is abandon my responsibilities, crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head, and have a good long cry. All by myself.
I love writing this blog but at times like this I have a hard time coming up with the right words to say. True or not, I sometimes feel like there is an ongoing expectation for me to be continually positive and upbeat, a source of “inspiration,” funny and light-hearted and witty. And much of the time I am. But the last thing I want to be is inauthentic and sometimes I am none of those things. Sometimes I am just a girl struggling to make it through the day.
A few weeks ago I was chatting with a dear friend and I observed how another friend of ours just seemed to have it all. Perfect job, perfect kids, always on top of things, always totally put together, while I’m the mom that can’t sadly even manage to shower most days, whose kids run around naked half the time and do crazy things like fall off the couch (or the bed) or walk headfirst into the counter or color all over themselves with marker for the gazillionth time. I’m the mom who neglects to return phone calls and emails, who misses show-and-tell day and snack day and whatever-else-I was-supposed-to-read-on-those-5,000-handouts-day, whose dog runs away because I forget I let her out, and who misses important events because I can’t always keep it all straight.
My sweet friend, who is far wiser than me, responded with something so profound it has been stuck in my head ever since. She said, “Don’t you know that everyone gets the same 24 hours?” She went on to explain that while from the outside looking in, all might seem perfect, no one can do everything all the time without letting something slide. Just because we don’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not true. And it doesn’t make her any less of a wonderful person (because she is), it just makes her human.
I have been thinking about that statement a lot, and as I sit here struggling with my own insecurity, I realize that it may seem ironic to those of you looking in on me. Occasionally I’ll get an email or a comment telling me that I am an inspiration, or wondering how I manage to accomplish “so much.” It always makes me uncomfortable. Oh if you only knew all the ways in which I fail every single day!
I have the luxury of an edit button. I can show you a small sliver of my life, something I’ve done well, and quietly filter out the rest. It doesn’t mean what I’m showing you isn’t real, but it’s not always the whole picture, and I would hate to think I’ve made anyone feel inadequate by letting you see only the very best of me.
One of my favorite quotes is by Plato:
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
The truth is that most of the time we probably have no idea what our friends and acquaintances are struggling with behind closed doors. Ultimately we all edit the version of ourselves we present to the world to varying degrees, not out of a desire to be fake or someone we are not, but I think, perhaps, because we truly want to see ourselves as the person we present to others.
Perhaps we should make an agreement to stop comparing ourselves to each other when ultimately there is only One who we should strive to emulate. All we can do is all we can do, and at the end of the day, it is only grace that carries us through. Why waste any portion of those precious hours in self-doubt?
Everyone gets the same 24 hours. Today I just needed to remind myself.
TAKE BACK CONTROL OF YOUR HOME LIFE
Ever feel like you just can't keep up? Our Living Well Starter Guide will show you how to start streamlining your life in just 3 simple steps. It's a game changer--get it free for a limited time!
If you love this resource, be sure to check out our digital library of helpful tools and resources for cleaning faster, taking control of your budget, organizing your schedule, and getting food on the table easier than ever before.
I know this wasn’t meant to be funny but I laughed when I read this! This was a breath of fresh air! My dog runs away, too because we forget to let him out! I”m always so appalled when I ask the kids when was the last time they took the dog out! Yesterday the youngest some how managed to paint himself from head to toe in black paint from the sunroom makeover I’m working on and I know my husband was suppose to put that paint up because I told him this was going to happen, but he was too tired. My youngest wants to run around in his underwear all day, everyday, while I want him to be beautifully dressed all day long. It’s OK that you don’t have it all together, though it’s a hard lesson for myself to swallow with so many “perfect people” out there. 😀
apparently I am one of those moms who people think have it all together…..recently I was at a bible study with friends and I’d been having a horrible time….I’d had 2 different professional women tell me, or insinuate really, that I was a terrible mom and must be doing something wrong, because of my 5 year old’s behavior and his teeth having some cavities…..I lost it at Bible Study and just poured out my heart and soul to these women, did the Ugly Cry and everything…..when I was done venting, they of course offered encouragement and prayed for me….but then, one mom started laughing and said, “I’m so sorry, this seems so bad, but I am SO GLAD you shared this with us….to me you look like Super Mom, doing everything, being everywhere and just AMAZING for your 4 kids….and to see you be REAL and hurting and say how you struggle is an encouragement to me, because now I know you are REAL.” I was shocked. I didn’t know that I gave off that vibe or idea that I am supermom. HA! Far far FARRRRR from it….but it made me think about the women who *I* think of as a super mom, and I had to realize that they too are fighting private battles and letting something at home slide, to keep up. So what started out as me needing to be encouraged, ended up me encouraging the others. ahhahaha!! God is good!!!
But some moms spend the hours when their kids are in bed being productive, rather than watching TV. And some moms don’t take afternoon naps. And some moms do more than just sit on the couch while their kids play. So it really is my own fault if I don’t accomplish more. But I’d take my relaxed lifestyle over a weeded yard and clean house any day of the week.
How very true. I was just saying the other day that one of my biggest struggles is my compulsive need to be all, to all. Then I end up feeling like a failure because NOBODY can do that! Everyone must prioritize and choose some things to cut from the list.
I am recently married to a wonderful man, it is for both a second marriage, our second chance for love. I am very thankful. I must say at times I am terrified to “mess it up” hard to explaing since the first time I marry it was to a cheater and I gave no reason, the man just wanted to have all the women he could.
Anyway, this time it feels different, it is good. However, on and off like this morning I am feeling inadequate. I was in pinterest which is my outlet of the weights of the day. Found your blow. As I am reading, you have helped me so much. I am constantl battleling with the feeling of not being enough for anything, needless to say I feel exhausted all the time. There is no way I can keep up for the expecations of perfection :/. Teading your blog I felt understood, I breath and realized all will be ok and I can do this, thank you.